Always Lost, Always Hopeful (259) What If They See Us?

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
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previous day 






4-202-05-05 08:23
Thoromhel's House, Sunhold, Summerset, Aldmeri Dominion


While cuddling with Thoromhel, I ask him about the political situation and me and my girls' safety here. I want to get several people's opinions to have a better idea of the general picture.
Thoromhel says in Sunhold we are heroes. Should a thalmor army approach to apprehend us, someone is bound to come and warn us even in the middle of the night. However, do I know Glenview?
The small military outpost west of here?
Yes. We'd better keep away from it, he says.
All right, we will.
Thoromhel gives me a sign to turn my back on him. I had already begun to wonder if he doesn't want sex at all. Guess the elves have more patience than humans or Khajiits.  :-)

When I meet up with my followers, we run north and then east. That is because I figure that between the road along the coast and the road along the southern shore of the big lake, there should be another eastward road or path. It probably won't go all the way to Dusk, so we'll turn left at some point before the big mountains and run to Shimmerene, and to Dusk from there. I'm reluctant to approach Dusk from the west along the coastal road, because I don't want to have to kill the mage-bandits who reside in the Cliffs of Dusk village. (And, to be honest, they are so strong I'm not even entirely sure we can defeat them.)

Right now, we're still on the Sunhold–Riverfield highway, though. We turn away from it and proceed eastwards, spend some time admiring my favorite adorable little pond northwest of Aro Pass, and then continue eastwards. It's more a path than a road, but it's comfortable to travel along, and there are bridges over bodies of water. I get a nice picture of a swamphound:

Approaching the high mountains, we notice a strange mist to our right. Walking towards it, we end up on the shore of a lake.

There's a number of most curious rocks that look exactly like old men sitting and thinking. They are covered with patterns that look too elaborate to be natural. In other words, these rocks seem very much like statues or even slumbering creatures. But they are showing no sign of an intention to come to life.

There are remains of a wooden pier at the southeastern end of the lake, but nothing like caves or ruins.

We can already see a tower high up the mountains. It must be Dusk. Let's see if we can somehow reach it from this direction after all.

No we can't. We end up at a scenic narrow lake or possibly the beginning of a river where we are attacked by a group of skeletons.

It's impossible to climb up the steep rocky mountains. Yet we are so near Dusk already that I don't want to run to Shimmerene and then come back all the way along the east coast. We'll go south and try to sneak past the bandits, should there be any.

Indeed, with the help of Invisibility potions, we succeed in getting past them. The Invisibility potions are notoriously unreliable, but our Sneaking skill is so high that we succeed in running past right under their noses. We hear bits of obscene conversation and in fact by the time we have reached the winding walkway up to the gate of Dusk, there are confused shouts somewhere behind us. We're not going to find out what it's about. We just run up as fast as we can and enter through the gate. No one is pursuing us. I hurry to Bradwin's place.

We talk and make love and such. When I realize it's quarter past six already, I wonder if I should stay the night. Bradwin reminds me I wanted to come here for a couple of weeks someday, so right now I'd better proceed to where I was headed and return when I don't have anywhere important to go to.

He's right. A few more hours with Bradwin wouldn't give me what I really need, and would only keep me from my goals, the achieving of which would bring closer the time when I could come back and be really properly with him. I know, I tend to get a little philosophical around here.  :-)

I go to the inn (naturally, I'm curious to see what the girls are up to; nothing special this time) and then we exit by the main gate. The sunset has painted the sky in most beautiful shades of orange. I jump right off the top of the walkway onto the ground and land between three bandits. I had completely forgotten there might be some on this side too!

We don't have much difficulties with just three of them, but they gave me a mighty scare. (Or rather I caused it all myself, jumping into unknown like that.)

The road to Shimmerene and the sights from it look truly like fairytale at this hour.

We run past Mana Grove, Fort Nettle and Silverwood and over the bridge across the river without being bothered by anybody.

When we arrive on the Shimmerene marketplace, the traders are just going home. We are eight minutes late!!

Now, what should we do next? We could, of course, go to the nearby Coruscate Mine, but our Spriggan Soap has worn off, which means the swamphounds would attack us, and I'm reluctant to kill them just for a little coruscate. What bothers me more is I don't have the slightest desire to have sex with Dulizar right now, but I can't think of an excuse to turn him down other than lie once again that I'm having my period.

We can travel to Winterhold and spend the night there, Jenassa suggests. Of course. Why didn't I think of it myself? We don't really have any more business in Summerset and no matter how safe Quillinda says Shimmerene Mages' Guild is, it might be wiser not to tempt our fate and spend more time here than is absolutely necessary. And much as I'd love to chat with Berenice, Noemie and Heloise, I feel I'd better not, because someday they may end up being questioned about when they last saw me and what we talked about.

So we run to the Mages' Guild, outside of which we stop for a moment to admire a running hare. When it disappears into the long grass, I cast the spell and we return to Skyrim.

Recalling longingly how beautiful it was in Summerset.

We go to the library, chat with Ertzebet and watch amusedly how Renna and Brelyna sit at one of the tables with Master Tolfdir between them. We can't hear what they're talking about, but the girls look at each other, I'd say, not entirely without hostility. I ask Ertzebet if she knows what's going on. She shrugs and says Master Tolfdir has something mysterious about him and she's sure those two are not the only ones fascinated with him. I quickly change the subject.

Eventually, I retire with Lydia and Jordis to the Arch-Mage's Quarters for the night.

I've been feeling strange about Lydia these past few days. Now I ask her what's wrong. The way she replies "Nothing is wrong," convinces me ultimately. I sit onto her, look her in the eye and demand she tell me what's bothering her.
"I don't want us to fall out over this, Laura," she replies with almost the same words I used that evening five months ago when I was laying on this bed and she was sitting on me.
"Cut the crap, Lydia. What is it?"
"How could you be so heartless about Fastred's parents?"
"What do you mean? They're monsters. Just like that woman in Skaal. Just like..." I shake my head and climb off Lydia. "All right. My childhood friend Petrille – I've told you about her, haven't I."
"Yes."
"I now remember her home. Her parents." I look pensively at the ceiling. "The awful things she told me they said to her. I remember how she dreaded going home, how she tried to stay away from her parents... Fastred is not like that, but the way her parents treat her, it's basically the same. They're destroying her, they want to keep her helpless, kill every bit of belief in herself she has, but she just accepts it. She doesn't have a character like Petrille's."
"Petrille should have been grateful that she at least had parents."
"What?" I'm shocked. I opened my soul to my closest friend and she spat into it! "Do you have any idea how it broke my heart when her mother told me that I should go because she needed to talk to her daughter, and how Petrille looked at me, her eyes pleading "Don't leave me alone with her!" But what could I do when I was ordered to leave someone else's home?"
"I would switch places with her this instant," Lydia says with blood-chilling determination.
Now I'm angry. "You don't know what you're talking about!"
For a moment, I wonder if it was too loud and if Jordis could hear it in her room. Then I realize I don't care.
Lydia's face is icy and she stares somewhere far away. It slowly starts to dawn to me that having no parents can be devastating too, in a different way.
I sigh. "Well, I don't know what I'm talking about either. I'm sorry."
Lydia closes her eyes and doesn't answer.
Whatever. I lie down and close my eyes too.
Half a minute later, I sit up, riddled with guilt. Lydia has turned away from me.
I kiss her shoulder and say: "We'll be friends again in the morning, agreed?"
"Agreed."



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (229) Hold Me Tight

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-04-05 08:42
Windpeak Inn, Dånstar, The Pale, Skyrim


After I've helped Gregor get rid of his erection, we have a bath together and go out to admire the beautiful harbor.

During my shopping, the girls turn up eventually and I suggest we destroy that skooma den at the harbor. Am I a thane or not?

After it's done, I inform the jarl that Yrsarald has ordered me to kill all skooma traders and I hope very much that I won't have to do it again in this town.

The weather is very nice when we head for Winterhold past our friends the horkers northeast of the town.

It gets worse further east. We have to fight a couple of icewraiths and later a group of bandits. As we reach Winterhold, the heavy snowfall is abating.

We pay a visit to the jarl's house to tell them that should they hear the rumor about us having been captured in Cyrodiil, they'd better not believe it. Then I take my time wandering around town and in the College.

J'zargo is exceedingly friendly with me today, but I'm afraid he's much too late with that. As for my boyfriend Onmund, he's in the midst of studies, but he asks if I have time for him later, and I say I have.

It fills me with pride to see "my" Elder Scroll displayed in the library. Urag hasn't locked it up in some vault after all, but I'm sure the display case is securely protected by something horrible.

Ertzebet says she's been spending more and more time with Master Drevis who evidently keeps finding excuses to consult the library books as well as the librarian's assistant. The two seem to have a lot to talk about, even though Ertzebet can't really explain me what about. She remembers an occasion when they just sat and talked and completely forgot everything around them, and then someone interrupted them and Ertzebet realized to her astonishment that an hour and a half had passed.

She's still sleeping with Alec, but she has amazing rapport with Drevis. It feels completely natural to talk to him and she doesn't even feel guilty or torn between Alec and Drevis. I agree that it is quite amazing.

Eventually, I return to the dormitories and am somewhat taken aback by the sight of Master Tolfdir coming out of Brelyna's bedroom. Maybe you remember, Brelyna is that elf student who was with Onmund, J'zargo and me in Saarthal. I remember now that I've seen Tolfdir around here several times in the past. I can't believe he has a thing going with Brelyna! Now, how could I find out for sure?

I step into Renna's room and say hello and ask her how she's doing and such. Then I ask her about Tolfdir and Brelyna. Renna says she hasn't noticed anything, but the way she says it sounds exactly like she's merely reluctant to gossip.

I must ask Onmund. In fact it's almost 9 in the evening, so this is about the right time for me to find him.

We go up to my quarters.

I ask him about Tolfdir and Brelyna. He says he has seen them together a lot, but he doesn't know if they're actually fucking. He suggests I ask some of the girls. Sure. Thanks for the advice.

Am I jealous? I hope not. It's not like I would do anything with Tolfdir. Although I'm not entirely sure about that. In spite of his, um, very advanced age, it's hard for a woman not to get aroused by the sheer force of clarity emanating from him.

And anyway, this is not the time for such thoughts, since as soon as we're naked, Onmund lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder. I shriek as I find myself with my legs behind Onmund's back and his genitalia approaching my face. I'm completely helpless and for that matter orientationless, hanging upside down with a hand holding my hair and forcing a hard dick into my mouth.

I hope my legs over Onmund's shoulder will give me enough balance. Should he drop me, I couldn't do anything to avoid a potentially bad injury.

As you can imagine, having things rammed into your throat is very unpleasant. I frantically work with mu tongue as good as I can, trying to make this end sooner. Fortunately the cruel hand soon loosens its grip and Onmund lets me focus on caressing him with my tongue and lips at my own pace.

That's me – the Arch-Mage of the Winterhold College.

I try to watch out for the tightening of his balls as well as I can. The last thing I need right now is sperm down the wrong throat. (Yes, up. You are very perceptive.[rolling my eyes])

Well, I won't have to worry about that. After some time, Onmund raises me up and turns me around. I don't quite succeed in suppressing another shriek as I'm lowered without absolutely anything to hold on to. He holds me up with my back towards him and fucks me. (I must apologize for my language, but there's really no other way to describe this.)

His strength and my utter helplessness is so arousing that I even forget to worry that I might fall and get hurt.

Eventually, I can sense Onmund's orgasm beginning. For a moment, I kind of forget about his hands holding me by my thighs. I'm having the sensation like his penis is so hard and big that it's supporting my whole bodyweight. With that image in my mind, I come too, wailing with disappointment that I can't hug Onmund and frantically reaching behind to caress whatever bits of his body my hands can find.

Finally he pulls out and gently lowers me to the ground, but I still won't get to hug him, because he embraces me from behind and fondles by breasts so vigorously that it actually hurts a little, but I don't mind. I lean back with my head against his shoulder and close my eyes touching myself down there because my orgasm still lasts (or maybe a new one has started).

That was one hell of a thrill. I have to support myself on Onmund as I stumble towards the bed.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Deflorator's game, 6–9 Frostfall (Steamcrag – Winterhold – Driftshade)

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SPOILER INFO
This unfinished story follows closely my actions in an actual game, so it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous chapter






The author has chosen to remove the text of this unfinished game report, because he is no longer happy with it.

I just don't understand why the city of Windhelm has to look like a heap of ruins where nobody has bothered to do
any road and building maintenance for the last 50 years. No other Skyrim settlement I've seen looks more neglected.
Would you trust the ruler of a place like this to be able to take good care of all of Skyrim?

next chapter

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (194) No Chance to Smell the Roses

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
———————————————




previous day






4-202-03-01 09:16
Arch-Mage's Quarters, Winterhold, Winterhold, Skyrim


Onmund is hard and I waste no time climbing on top of him before he can come up with another one of his perverse ideas. I'm still a little sore in a certain place, but it doesn't matter – I'll go crazy if I can't get a penis into my vagina at last.

I move slowly, because I don't want Onmund to come too soon. He seems okay with that and just lies there lazily. When I'm approaching my orgasm, he begins to squeeze my buttocks and then the breasts, and finally he turns me over and fucks me hard, and I get my orgasm, thrashing my lower body furiously into his, and soon he comes as well. He says he had no idea it's possible for a woman to do such powerful movements when lying on her back with a man's weight resting on her. Yeah, neither had I.

I hurry to Ertzebet to discuss last night and this morning with her. Lydia and Jordis kept strictly out of sight in my quarters, but my instructions didn't say anything about outside. On my way to the library, they are close behind me, almost holding on to my clothes. No chance they're going to miss this.

After I've told them everything, the girls come up with a hypothesis that Onmund is an alpha male who has been severely oppressed by his parents and now he is discovering his dominant nature. That makes a lot of sense. Maybe his reason for joining the College was not so much his interest in magic as having an excuse to get away from home. At any rate, I'll be most curious to see how our relationship will develop in the future. An occasional disappointment will be a small price for figuring that guy out. And he looked so average at first!

Ertzebet says she's finding increasingly more interesting things to talk about with Alec, and she can't find any fault with him whatsoever, especially since he's very gentle and the low frequency of actual intercourse doesn't bother her. Yet, she can't help going weak at the knees every time she hears Drevis's name or sees him walk past. This is a further confirmation that my plan from yesterday was right. We must figure out a way to resolve this matter one way or another, or Ertzebet will build up a fantasy world for herself that will drive her crazy and be very hard to get out of.

This morning, however, I get another quest from Tolfdir. He needs something called dragon heartscales  for his magical research, and in order to be able to carve those off a dead dragon, one needs a very special tool with a funny name Kahvozein's Fang which, as Tolfdir has found out, is at a certain location near Morpork.

Before leaving for Solitud, I decide to go and talk to that horrible Augur of Dunlain. My followers are eager to see him. That includes Jenassa who has turned up by now.

Well, that suits me fine. If the girls come along, we can leave Midden by the other exit and go straight to Dånstar without having to return to Winterhold.

No new monsters have appeared in Midden, but the Augur's voice still sounds like a slimy snake squeezing my neck.

He informs me I can only get Colette's quest when I pass a test, during which I'll be allowed to use only Restoration spells and none of my belongings or potions. Well, I'm not going to tell him where he can stuff his test, because he doesn't look like he has that place. I just turn around without a word and leave. I don't need such a childish game of chicken.

We exit into the snowfall.

The descent is not quite as hard as the picture may make it look like, but the scenery is only a minor improvement compared to Midden. When we get closer to Dånstar, however, we meet several nice horkers and one snowbear.

Horkers are usually uncomfortable with people getting this close, but as you probably guessed, I've used Spriggan Soap again.

Along the way, we discuss yesterday. Jenassa mentions she heard someone say something about mines that contain soul gems a long time ago. She doesn't know any specifics.

The weather turns increasingly better and we do get to enjoy some really beautiful sights.

In Dånstar, I tell Lydia to make it quick, or, well, not to sweat it, we'll wait until she has finished. Jordis, Jenassa and I walk around and shop a little and look at the ships, and then we sit in the inn and discuss our plans.

I guess we'd better run straight to the west to be sure to reach Solitud tonight. Then we can be in Morpork tomorrow and after that we'll be able to wash our hands of the Stormcloaks and the Empire.

I don't feel like having sex again so soon, therefore I wonder if I ought to offer Jordis and Jenassa that they can go and be with Gregor. But then I realize there's no way of telling how long it'll last if they do, and I'd better not cause any delay. Apart from which, I might want to keep Gregor all to myself after all. Right now, however, I still feel so thoroughly pounded all over that I don't want to even see a man for some time to come. Well, for one day at least.

Lydia returns in about an hour and we run west. In spite of the cloudy weather, the marshland looks quite beautiful. Especially amazing is the frozen water surface.

I've seen thick blocks of ice in the ocean, but I can't recall any inland bodies of water covered with ice you can walk on:

Form left: Laura, Lydia, Jordis, Jenassa.

Successfully avoiding all those bluish-green poison blooms that grow in this region, we arrive on the eastern bank of the Solitud bay and take the ferry to the western bank. It has started to rain.

I deliver Yrsarald's proposal to meet and plan a common strategy to General Tullius and learn that Jarl Igmund is ready to depart with his retinue for Morpork tomorrow morning.

Now I pay a visit to the temple (that's me in front of Dibella's shrine):

As I stroll towards the palace, Jenassa joins me. We walk a while in silence and then she says:
"Laura, you asked the other day if I had ever been spanked."
"Yes."
"I was a slave and slaves get punished. There's nothing exciting or erotic about it."
I'm at loss for words. Touched by this unusual display of trust, I also feel very sad that Jenassa had to suffer and that I can't do anything to make her feel better. Remaining silent feels wrong, so I just say: "Was it very bad?"
She shrugs. "I wasn't too obedient."
I raise an eyebrow. "You have been obedient with me."
"You couldn't demand anything remotely as horrible as certain other people."
And now I really don't know what to say.

After a brief visit to the palace, we pass by the Bards' College where I happen to strike up a conversation with the famous bard Pantea. She mentions her favorite flute was stolen after a performance some time ago. I show her the flute I picked up from some bandits somewhere that looks like it's valuable. That turns out to be her missing flute. She says she doesn't know how to thank me.

I ask her if I could buy the book "The Song of the Alchemists" they have in the College. Pantea invites me to come along to the headmaster right now. She tells him I recovered her flute, and asks him to let me have the book for free. The headmaster agrees.

I walk on and see Vittoria Vici returning home from work. I step up to her and ask if I can have a word. She replies "Of course," with a smile and invites me to her house.
While entering, I begin to realize what I'm about to do. A chill shakes my body briefly. But there's no going back now. I take a deep breath while Vittoria is not looking.
"I don't know anything about political intrigues," I inform her as we sit in comfortable armchairs in front of a beautiful fireplace, "so please tell me in simple language what horrible things will happen if I kill Jaree-Ra."
Vittoria's face turns very serious. After a long and uncomfortable silence, she says: "I guess I'll have to sacrifice him. But I want this to be the last time you cross me. Do we understand each other?"
"I understand you all right," I tell her, "but should you ever go against my family or my followers, then I will stop at nothing. Or against Hviterun," I add after a moment of reflection.
"Or Yrsarald?" she asks with a smirk.
"Why, yes. I will kill every enemy of Yrsarald when I get a chance. Is there something funny about it?"
My evident hostility fails to impress Vittoria. "You are so young and naive," she says in a perfectly benevolent tone, which I find rather offending, because she doesn't look all that much older than me. "You will learn eventually that there are things that are too big even for you. Hopefully it'll happen before you and you family  get badly hurt."
I suddenly recall that horrible fire trap at Karthspire where my excessive arrogance very nearly caused the death of myself, Lydia, Jenassa and Mikki.
"I'm sorry," I reply. "I know I should accept my limitations and I can't right all the wrongs in the world. I need to be reminded of it more often."
Vittoria accepts it with a gracious nod. "You really ought to spend some time in Cyrodiil. It would certainly widen your horizon."
I nod.
"Well, Laura, I understand perfectly that there are people whom you will protect no matter what. Let's hope it will not come to that. I certainly have no intention of harming any of them. You may kill Jaree-Ra if you can catch him. Anything else I can do for you?"
"No." I stand up. "Thanks."

I spend the rest of the evening (in fact until the morning) working on our gear and reach my house at about the same time my followers wake up. Oh... Before I turn in, I just have tell you – I have recently picked up a pair of Orcish Boots with a most unusual enchantment. It's called Cushioned  and allows you to jump down from any height without taking damage. Since Orcish Boots are ugly, I destroyed them tonight with the Arcane Enchanter and put that enchantment on a pair of beautiful boots. I always keep a few in reserve for enchanting, just like a few pairs of gloves, helmets and such. Yes, helmets don't go in pairs. I really have to get some sleep now. Good night!



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (193) A Reason to Come Again

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-202-02-28 05:19
The Copper Cask Inn, Darkwater, Eastmarch, Skyrim


I leave my followers sleeping and go to wash myself in one of those warm water springs.

Darkwater, as I've told you, is a location where it's considered acceptable to bathe naked outdoors even in sight of other people. Not that it would matter at this early hour, of course.

My girls turn up one after another. We didn't make it to Cragslane Cavern yesterday, but we're certainly going to today.

Hi, Billy! I'm Laura and this is Lydia.
You probably can't understand what I'm saying, but we'd really like to be friends with you.
Jordis and Jenassa over there like you too, they're just shy, never mind.

We are just a little northerly from Vernim Wood, and Cragslane Cavern is to the south of it. So we follow the road through the town, then a little way to the south and then we turn off the road. Sneaking cautiously across the hills, approaching the place where, judging by the Riften guards' description, our destination ought to be, I look over the edge of a rocky cliff and see tents and a couple of large cages with animals inside.

The humans who walk back and forth near a campfire are clearly hostile, so we shoot them dead before they would see us. Then we descend carefully.

Cragslane Cavern is here all right. There's a cave entrance at the foot of the very hill across which we approached. Inside is a passage leading to a large open space with maybe half a dozen bandits in it.

Now, this is a little hard for me to tell about. Maybe it's residue from our jolly mood from my amazing revelations up in High Hrothgar, and our close encounter with the death yesterday, and having a part in the happiness of the people of Darkwater. At any rate, Lydia, Jordis and Jenassa do something they haven't done for months now – they run past me towards that large cave and ruin my ideal shooting position. I mean, imagine this: a passage two or three meters wide and 20–30 meters long, and behind it a cavern with bandits it it. All I had to do was to shoot one arrow into the cavern and then stand there with my bow at the ready and wait for the bandits to arrive one by one. But those stupid cows created a mess where we all ended up hurt! Well, I admit, there was no actual danger for us from bandits so weak, but this is something you just don't do! I'm so angry. I wonder if I ought to spank their butts for this, but then I decide not to. Still, the girls are very humble and remorseful for the rest of the day.

There's this strange arena in the big cave with an opening into another cave that had
cages with wolves (whom we killed). Had they been staging some kind of pitfights here?
What if I left each one of my followers in that arena for one night, naked and all alone?
Nah, can't afford to waste three nights.

We find and destroy a shipment of skooma. Now, we could go back to Riften and ask the jarl if she thinks there's anything more that needs to be done, but I prefer to go to Windhelm and ask Yrsarald. I mean, we were headed north anyway. Riften would be too long a detour.

The weather is nice. Something rather amusing occurs not far from that giant camp halfway between Vernim Wood and Kynesgrove. As always, I run as our vanguard and get attacked by a roadside bandit. I use a sword with that cage enchantment again. Inside the cage barely big enough for him, he can no longer attack me. I quickly grab my bow and step back a few paces to finish him off out of his range before the magical effect wears off. The bandit is furious.

I don't think so.  :D

We make a brief stop in Kynesgrove to say hello and see how the people are doing.

In front of the fortifications of Windhelm, a Khajiit caravan has made camp. I think this is the first time my followers are really happy to see Khajiits, because there are few things that improve my mood like the company of Khajiits. Indeed, after this encounter, I'm no longer angry over that blunder in Cragslane Cavern.

Inside the city proper, we go to our house first and then find Sofie to say hello, after which I tell my followers (although they would know even without being told) that they can walk around on their own while I go to the palace to see Yrsarald.

He looks tired and not very happy, but he interrupts his work for my sake all the same. I have to go through the same routine of leaving all my stuff in my room and slipping naked into his, unnoticed by the guards. Yrsarald arrives shortly.

He makes me suck all the way to his climax.

Then he orders me to step down onto the floor and stand there, naked as I am. At least it's warm here. When Yrsarald slouches comfortably, supported on his elbow, his head is slightly higher than mine.

Now I have to report what I've been doing in the meantime. Yrsarald approves of the renaming of Bitchen back into Riften, among other things. Then he asks me what I intend to do next. I tell him I'll go to Winterhold to report about having successfully closed the rupture  down south, then to Solitud to make the last preparations for Jarl Igmund's trip back to Morpork, and then travel to Morpork myself, wait for the jarl to arrive and make sure the local garrison isn't going to make any trouble, as well as verify the Silver-Bloods are gone for good. Then we'll rename Morpork back into Markarth, after which I'm going to have some adventures of my own. I'm totally fed up with big politics. By the way, would Yrsarald give me a written order for the Morpork garrison commander to cooperate with Jarl Igmund? Just in case.

Yes, he would.

I'm now allowed to take a blanket, spread it over Yrsarald and lie down under it next to him.

"Have you figured out why Ulfric was in the area of Helgen at the same time you were?" Yrsarald asks me as I delightedly caress his hairy chest.
"No, I haven't."
"He went there because our priestess Jora had a vision. Gods told her a Dragonborn was about to arrive from Hammerfell."
Arrive from Hammerfell?
When we were brought to Helgen on the first day which I can remember, Ralof said I had attempted to cross the border, and I had always been wondering what business I might have had in Hammerfell. But what if Ralof had misunderstood the situation? What if I hadn't tried to cross from Skyrim into Hammerfell? What if I had already crossed the border – from Hammerfell into Skyrim?
Yrsarald agrees it would make sense, considering what I already know:
1) my home was in High Rock;
2) I had been instructed to travel to Skyrim.
How else do you travel from High Rock to Skyrim if not via Hammerfell? (The ship connection is apparently not too developed. Besides, a ship on the sea is easier for potential enemies to find than a lone traveler somewhere within a big territory.) I had already known the facts, just not thought of putting two and two together.
"But when we were in that horse-cart, Ralof didn't tell me anything about that Dragonborn thing."
"Ralof didn't know. He was merely one of our secret garrison in the area, accompanying Ulfric as a guide. Only a handful of people knew and I don't think Ulfric told anyone in Falkreath. You didn't talk to Ulfric himself, did you?"
"No, I couldn't. He was gagged."
"You see, Laura, we had no idea who the Dragonborn would be. The message from the gods was serious, there was no doubt about that. Serious enough for Ulfric himself to venture southwest hoping to meet the Dragonborn. But to the lower ranks, he just told to look for unknown people who were in any way peculiar, and protect them from the Imperial Army at all cost. He put himself in danger because he wouldn't entrust the lead of this operation to anyone else."
"Well, he found me all right," I snigger.
"To tell you the truth, we were looking for a man."
I nod. "I can imagine. All the legends..."
"...say that the Dragonborn is a man, right. Or actually the original legend doesn't. The popular narrations do. The point is, we had all been so used to thinking that the Dragonborn would be male that even after everything Ralof and Ulfric told us about you, none of us had any idea you were the Dragonborn until you actually turned up here yourself."
"What everything? Ralof barely saw me."
"He saw enough. He described your looks in such detail that when I first saw you, I recognized you immediately."
"Oh! That's embarrassing."
"Come on. A gorgeous-looking woman accidentally ending up captured together with a top-secret Stormcloak task force? The soldiers kept going on about it for quite some time. You were a great mystery. And yet no one guessed what the mystery was about."
A mild hurricane of ecstasy vibrates through my body as I hear that "gorgeous-looking", spoken casually as a well-known fact. Then, however, another, horrible thought occurs to me...
"And you came to bed with me only to find out more about the Dragonborn's mission?" I hope my voice doesn't sound too appalled.
"No, Laura. I did it to find out what you looked like with no clothes on."
"What do you mean?" (Silly question, I know. I just want to hear what he'd reply.)
"I mean I found the sight of your body sexually arousing and I wanted to see you naked and fuck you."
I rush to hug and kiss him. He has no idea how happy he just made me.
"Do you know why Hammerfell closed its border to Skyrim?" I ask then.
"No. They claimed it was some kind of a plague, but I don't believe it."
"Why not?"
"Firstly, you've been in Hammerfell a couple of times in recent months and you didn't hear anything about a plague, did you?"
"No, but they might have gotten it under control in the meantime."
"Yes, that's possible. However, we interrogated a couple of bandits from Hammerfell some time ago who were harassing people on roads. They hadn't heard about any plague either."
"Were they looking for a certain Redguard woman?"
"Yes, why?"
"Did you find out who she was and what she had done?"
"I can't remember her name, but they said she had betrayed Hammerfell to Aldmeri Dominion. We soon found out they didn't know any particulars or if it was even true. They had just been told a story and sent out with a job to do."
"Are they still here?"
"No. We squeezed all we could out of them and then we had no reason to keep them alive."
"I guessed as much. May I talk to that priestess, Jora?"
"By all means. You know where the temple is, don't you?"
"Sure."
"Laura, I think the government of Hammerfell might have gotten wind about your traveling through their country and closed the borders in order to prevent your arrival in Skyrim."
"Why would they do that?"
"I don't know. But we've gotten distracted, Laura. I actually wanted to talk about us."
"Of course. I'm sorry, darling. I'll talk to Jora later, but I won't bring up that Dragonsborn stuff anymore."

Yrsarald adjusts his position. We are now lying on our sides, basically mirroring each other.
"Now, Laura, I'm a military man and I've had a chance to notice you're a rational and sensible person, more or less, so I won't beat around the bush."
"Okay."
"Do you have other boyfriends?"
"I have."
"Whom you would consider your primary boyfriend?"
"You."
"Based on what?"
"Firstly, I have spent much more time with you than with any other. Secondly, there is no doubt in my mind that you are the one I'm most eager to please. Thirdly, if I were required to choose only one to be with and give up all the others, I would choose you."
"Is there anything you have been wanting from me but haven't been getting?"
"Yes." I realize this is not the time for me to beat around the bush either. "I need you to tell me about your feelings. When you are having orgasms, I can sense with all my being how much you are enjoying yourself with me and I feel extreme pride in my ability to give you such pleasure. Still, that is not enough. I want you to tell me that you find me attractive and you desire me – even though you have told it to me before. I also want to know what you think and feel outside of bed. What makes you happy, what makes you sad. I don't know if anyone has ever told you that, but women need that kind of thing. I admire you as a strong man who knows what he wants, and I won't respect you any less if you tell me occasionally that you have mishaps or doubts or regrets. I need more than just the sharing of bodies. I need you to share your soul with me. I need to be able to feel with you, in good and bad things."
I know Yrsarald is not a man of many words. Therefore, I wait patiently while he ponder what I just said. "I'll try to keep it in mind," he says finally. "You are right in presuming no one has ever told me about this aspect of women, but now that you've said it, I can understand women's strange behavior better."
"Yeah. I mean, like you said a few minutes ago that you desired my body and wanted to fuck me. I need to hear such things, even though I'd prefer if you said "make love" instead of "fuck". But it's really no big deal. I'm fine with such words as long as we're not among people."
"Okay. Well, as for what I've been up to at this time, I've been greatly worried about how I can keep the legacy of Ulfric and I've hardly had time to think about anything else. Speaking of which... I mean, speaking of the near future, I will have a war to fight." Fondling my right breast absent-mindedly, Yrsarald searches for the right words. "You left your family to come and rescue Skyrim, so you will surely understand I can't abandon my people now. We have a historical chance to seriously weaken the Aldmeri Dominion. We have to use this chance to bring about a peace as favorable as possible, so that never again could some damned High Elves grab our people off the streets and barbarously torture them for honoring our gods."
"I understand that."
"You, in turn, will, as I presume, want to recover your memory and then go to visit your family and friends."
"Yes."
"Considering all that, it's very difficult for either of us to make any future plans. I am firmly of the opinion that we shouldn't even talk about marriage before we have lived together for something like four to six months."
Wow. As if he had been reading my thoughts! I nod. "I agree."
"At the moment," Yrsarald continues, "we both have a lot of work to do. I'll need to meet with Tullius and hammer out a common strategy against the Dominion. After that, I might have to go to actual war. The point is, it'll take some time before you and I will have a chance to have some kind of a peaceful and stable life together to rehearse being married. In the meantime, I could even get killed."
"Yeah, me too."
"So, Laura, we'd better just live one day at a time. The fact is, you look gorgeous, you are intelligent, kind, obedient," (I cast my eyes down), "but there simply can't be any promises or commitment when I don't know what might expect me in a week or a month from now. Therefore, I'd suggest you go on doing whatever you feel you must do that might help you get your memory back, and come to see me as often as is convenient, and I will always make some time to sit and talk... among other things."
I smile. I'm glad he didn't bring up the topic of being or not being allowed to sleep with other men. "Do you want me to come back tonight?"
"Unless you were planning on traveling. If you want my advice, I'd recommend you bring that Solitud and Morpork affair behind you without delay."
"Guess you're right."
"Apart from which, I'd like you to tell that vermin Tullius that I want to meet him." Yrsarald kisses me, gets up and begins to put his clothes on. "I think Hviterun would be the ideal place. As hard as it may be, we'll need to learn to work together."
"Don't forget that mounted archers plan."
"I'm already making preparations for it, but enchanting the bows will be a real problem. Do you know by any chance where we could get a large number of soul gems? We'll never be able to equip a serious military force with proper bows with the supply we have here."
"To be perfectly honest, I have no idea. I'll try to ask around. I know a couple of traders who sell Black Soul Gems. I mean, if they know where to find very rare soul gems, maybe they also know where to find ordinary soul gems in large quantitites."
"Fine. Come back in a couple of hours and I'll give you that document for the Morpork garrison commander."
He's already on his way to the door when I say quickly:
"Darling, would you do me a favor and see where those two guards are?"
"Oh. Sure." He goes out and then gives me the sign that the coast is clear.
"Thanks." I run quickly into my bedroom. Yrsarald comes and watches me getting dressed.
"Do I have to leave my clothes here every time now?"
"Yes. Whenever I send you up here, you do like you did today and the last time. Except when I'm not in my office. Then you come and strip naked and wait for me here."
In case you're in your bedroom with another woman?  I'd like to ask but I know I'd better not.
"The guards will inform me that you're waiting for me," Yrsarald adds. "But when you have waited for one hour, you may get dressed again and leave."
I sigh with relief.
Yrsarald pats my shoulder. "I know you're too impatient to sit around for longer than that."
"How do you know?"
Yrsarald grins. "Let's go now."

We walk downstairs where Yrsarald goes into his office and I head for the exit. I see Bronwen who is visiting the palace. I give her the news about Mendrell. She informs me he's in Windhelm already. Their gratitude is boundless. I refrain from mentioning her father.

I take a walk outside to clear my head. Then I visit the temple which is between the palace and the inn.

I feel kind of tired, but Jora is very nice and her presence gives me a real boost of energy. She understands my problem completely and I don't even have to explain everything.
"Did Alduin want to kill me in Helgen?" I ask her.
"I'm certain he did."
"He must have felt very foolish when he learned I was going to be executed and he in fact saved my life."
"I'm not sure he ever found out," Jora replies with her gentle soothing voice. "Dragons don't notice such small details in the affairs of the humans."
"Yeah, I didn't think he did. I was being witty. But there is one thing that's been bothering me – why didn't Alduin kill me the next times we met?"
"Did he just fly by?"
"No. He kept traveling across Skyrim waking up other dragons, but he never attacked me, not even when me and my followers killed the dragons he had just awoken. And he himself was invulnerable."
"Invulnerable?" Jora asks with an astonished look.
"Yes. We kept shooting arrows at him, but they seemed to be flying through him without harming him in any way."
"Oh, then I think I know what it was about. He was not fully in our world."
I make a confused face.
"Those slumbering dragons were not dead the way humans are dead," explains Jora. "They were, in a way, outside of our world. In order to "awaken" them, I presume Alduin himself had to be somewhere between our plane and Oblivion, present enough in our world to be seen, but not enough to be vulnerable to your arrows. That explains why he was so weak in Helgen."
"Weak? He laid the village completey waste."
"It may have been a huge deal for the people who lived there, but for Alduin... Did you know he's nicknamed World-Eater?"
"Yes, I've heard."
"He doesn't actually eat planets, but he is... was incredibly mighty. Speaking of Helgen, it would seem that about the same time when I learned about the Dragonborn's expected arrival (as, I'm sure, did the Imperial Army which must have been the reason why General Tullius himself ventured down there), Alduin must have known too. He hurried to the region where you were supposed to be, but one human being in a crowd is much too small for a dragon to notice, that's why he just tried to kill everyone. But since he hadn't had the time to transit completely to our plane, he was able to do only limited damage. And when he attacked you up on The Throat of the World, you had already grown so strong that you and Paarthurnax together proved stronger than Alduin. You killed his physical body and Paarthurnax took care of the spiritual part."
"Yes, that makes sense, but what was Alduin up to between Helgen and the Throat of the World battle?"
"My best guess is Alduin realized you were too small for him to locate, so he decided to save his energy and wake up as many dragons as he could instead. However, as soon as he sensed you had read the Elder Scroll, he knew he had to act immediately, ready or not. And because you were all alone on top of that mountain save for Paarthurnax, he had no difficulties targeting you, unlike he had when you were among other people in Helgen."
"Okay. But why did the government of Hammerfell try to prevent me from reaching Skyrim?"
"Oh, that part's easy. The legend says the Dragonborn is destined to slay Alduin, right?"
"Right."
"But that purpose had been fulfilled – as everyone assumed. Alduin had been killed many centuries ago. Everybody knew that. Therefore, it was presumed that the prophecy was to be understood in the metaphorical sense – the Dragonborn would be sent by the gods to make Skyrim great again, to let the Nords rule the Empire again the way they had in the past. What else could have possibly been the gods' purpose for letting a new Dragonborn be born when Alduin was no more?"
Heavens, I hadn't realized that! Now I understand why the Nords held me in such an awe even in the early days when many still refused to believe there were even any dragons reawoken. They were hoping for me to put an end to Skyrim's troubles!
Jora goes on: "My guess is the rulers of Hammerfell learned from their own priests that a new Dragonborn had appeared and was geographically near, possibly on their very territory and in all likelihood headed for Skyrim. It's not surprising they tried everything in their power to prevent the legendary leader of the Nords from arriving at his destination – reaching his people, among whom he would soon grow unbeatably mighty. Who could have thought that the legend meant exactly what it said – that the gods had sent us a new Dragonborn to really  kill Alduin? Who could have guessed that Alduin had not been properly killed the last time?"
"Yeah, and Tullius found Ulfric instead of the Dragonborn and decided to have him executed without delay, and then the dragon scared the pants off both of them and they decided to return home and consult priests and watch the course of events."
"Laura, I assure you that Ulfric wasn't afraid of anything in the world."
I don't want to argue. "What role could the Psijic Order possibly have played in all this?"
Jora has no idea.
Afraid to ask if the gods would really have let the imps chop my head off if Alduin hadn't interfered, I ask her instead how I ought to behave now in order to recover my lost memory as efficiently as possible.
"Do you have a small object you have worn a lot that you can leave here?" she asks. "An amulet would be best."
I hesitate for a second and then take the amulet from around my neck. "I've been carrying this a lot. It's an amulet of learning."
"Learning? That's a rare enchantment."
"Yeah, well, I did it myself. I kind of noticed I had become slower in improving my skills."
"Please hang it up there next to the shrine of Talos."
I do so.
"I'll pray to the gods and see if they'll give me some kind of guidance. Please come back in a couple of weeks or months."

I walk out the temple without even replying. I feel an amazing connection to that woman. I don't mean anything like with Ysolda or my followers. I mean like we're spiritually connected. Which, if I were to think logically, is only to be expected. How else could she have been the one to receive a revelation of my forthcoming appearance in southwestern Skyrim at such geographical distance? She's just an assistant priestess, nowhere near as powerful as Rorlund of Solitud. There must be a lot Jora and I have in common apart from our gender.
I realize only now that maybe I should have left a donation or something. Well, never mind. I've no doubt Yrsarald is going to make sure the temple won't be lacking anything.

I walk around on the marketplace and indeed I'm seeing certain hostility from some people, similar to what my followers reported the last time we were here. Strangely enough, none from Hermir, though, the blacksmith's assistant who had made an impression of being in love with Ulfric in the past.

On my way to the palace, I make a detour through the elven quarter. No hostility there, obviously, but no signs of celebrations either.

Yrsarald gives me the written order for the Morpork garrison commander as I had asked. And he agrees it'll be best if I leave without another trip upstairs, because there's still daylight left.

A few minutes before 5, me and my followers head for Winterhold. We run past a troll or two, make a brief stop in Amol City and arrive in Winterhold when it's not quite dark yet.

We drop by Birna's shop before proceeding to the College.

I report to Tolfdir, after which I just walk around and talk to people. I'm slightly disappointed, because I can't find the resourceful trader Enthir, yet pleasantly surprised by getting new quests from the teachers Drevis, Faralda and Colette, all connected to research of advanced magic. More precisely, Colette tells me that before she can give me the quest, I'll have to go to Midden and get approval from that ghostly being called Augur of Dunlain.

That's fine, but what's with all the skulls? Have you been catching up on Conjuration?

While discussing Drevis's quest with him, I also try to cautiously question him about his romantic relationships or at least tendencies. He's a really nice man, but I'm not getting anything out of him by beating around the bush. That's why I go to Ertzebet in the library and tell her I'm going to find a pretext to get the two of them together the next time I'm in town. My followers and I are going to make some kind of a plan, and if she has any ideas of her own, she is welcome to share them with me, but basically it's time to grab the bull by the horns.

And now it's time for me to retire to my quarters with Onmund. I hope I haven't been bad this time.

I've given Lydia and Jordis strict instructions to keep to their wing and be absolutely quiet. Valdimar is one thing, but I'm going to need my privacy with Onmund. Quite frankly, I've had my doubts about meeting with Onmund today in the first place. I thought maybe I should lie to him that I'm having my period. But then I decided not to. The path of lies is easy at first, but can easily get perilous.

Onmund fingers me down there at first. All the doubts I had about him earlier today vanish as I'm getting wet fast.

Then I'm somewhat baffled when his fingers seem to start lubricating my butthole with the abundant moisture from my vagina. He can't mean that!

But I don't dare say anything. Apart from which, his fingers are still delightfully caressing me down below, and I can't really believe he would have the nerve to invade my other hole when we have been together only, what, three times? At the same time, the fear that he is going to do it after all gives me a strange thrill, and all the while excitement and anticipation are building up in the right hole, and I can't make up my mind what to do. I mean, I can't make decisions in a state like this.

Well, you get the idea – I hesitate until I feel his something that I don't think is a finger touch me where I rather wouldn't.

I can't believe the cheek of him! But now there's nothing I can do.

Had he asked, I would have said no, but I'm not the kind of a woman who would tell her boyfriend to stop fucking and pull out. Besides, I'm not sure he would, and what would I do then? Or what would I do if he did pull out and went away angry?

I guess I kind of tried to move away from him, so Onmund puts me face down and lies on top of me.

Even though Onmund's size is nothing like Yrsarald's, it hurts like hell. I try to keep quiet, but after some time I can't help wailing. How can this take so long anyway? Aren't men supposed to come quickly in that hole? Well, nothing doing.

To sum up: I've been had big time. I can't even take a health potion afterwards, because I'm not sure Onmund wouldn't feel offended. So we just go to sleep with my merciless lover hugging me tenderly and drying my tears.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (190) Seen All Over

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-25 05:23
Arch-Mage's Quarters, Winterhold, Winterhold, Skyrim


I see Valdimar who has evidently appeared next to me in the bed while I was asleep. He is awake and has an erection, but I'm not sure if he wants to. So I just put my arm over his chest and my head on his shoulder and lie there. His hand caresses my back lazily and then he makes a sign that he wants it after all. I turn my back on him. Valdimar has told me that's his favorite position in the morning. I feel his hand on my hip and then he enters me. I'm quite wet already.

He takes his time, moving it slowly. I begin to moan audibly. Lydia and Jordis are now coming to see if we're already up. They are fully dressed and I guess I keep getting louder realizing they'll let me have Valdimar all to myself this morning. I relish the sensation of the amazing invader touching me deep down and big strong hands eagerly exploring parts of my body.
Lydia and Jordis approach our bed. Lydia looks at Jordis and says:
"I think she likes it."
What kind of a perverse amusement have the two come up with this time, I wonder. I close my eyes. My head is filled with Valdimar's panting. The pleasure is getting unbearable.
"Why is her face red?" asks Jordis innocently.
"I don't know. Wait, maybe she's having an orgasm?"
"What's orgasm?"
"Jordis, orgasm is what happens to a woman when her wet cunt is being fucked by a big hard cock and it belongs to a man whom she finds very, very attractive."
Jordis steps closer and pulls the blanket away. "You're right. He is  fucking her cunt."

"See, his hand is squeezing her tit now!" says Lydia with faked surprise. "Do you think she's enjoying it!"
"Well, my guess is Laura just loves having her tits fondled. However, we won't know for sure until she begins to scream."
Damn you, I shout under my breath. I will scream in a moment all right, but can you two sluts just shut up?
And then I do scream as Valdimar's fingers squeeze my nipple, and then the other one, and he moans loudly, and I keep screaming, and I try to move my lower body to take him into me deeper still, but it's impossible, I can only wait for him to push it in deeper if he chooses to, and in fact he's already in as deep as it would go, and then he gently bites my shoulder and I feel his convulsions inside me and I scream with every breath I take.
I open my eyes for half a second and see Lydia and Jordis kneeling right in front of the bed watching me with fascinated awe. I close my eyes again. My moans get softer. When Valdimar has given me everything he has to give and his moans have turned into fast heavy breathing, I turn around to put a leg over him and press as much of my body surface against him as I can. I say over my shoulder: "You had your fun. Now put that blanket back and get out."
"Yes, Mylady," the girls say formally. I can't tell if they're mocking me or are worried they may have crossed the line. Jordis picks up the blanket and they lay it neatly over us. I feel my hair stroked for a second. I think it's Lydia. Then they leave quietly.
I'm so happy. You have no idea how happy I am.

After we've gotten dressed and bathed, I go to the library to tell Ertzebet about yesterday evening with Onmund, because she can't be there to hear it when I decide to discuss it with my followers in a day or two from now.

She says she can't imagine something like that happening to her. Yeah, I guess that's how we all feel until we find a man with whom we can imagine anything. Onmund, though... he really surprised me. Whether in a good way or bad, remains to be realized.

Ertzebet asks me if anything is still visible on my buttocks. No, I don't think so. At least I couldn't notice anything in the mirror earlier.

We talk a little bit about her still-no-progress-with-Drevis and not-yet-fed-up-with-Alec, and then I go to find out if Enthir has anything exciting to sell. I meet Arniel on the staircase and say cheerfully: "Hi, bungler! Blown anything up recently?" If looks could destroy, I think half of the College would be in ashes after this.

Having spoken to Enthir, I descend to the College courtyard and am pleased to see Lydia and Jordis have had enough sense to go and fetch Jenassa in the meantime. Either that or Jenassa has had enough sense to come to meet us. I'm now taking her back as my active follower.

I'd like to ask Lydia and Jordis if my butt was red when they saw it earlier in the bedroom, but firstly I don't want Valdimar to know I had a reason to have a red butt, and secondly I couldn't bear hearing the girls' wisecracks about which parts of my body were red even though my butt wasn't.

I'm glad I won't have to travel to Windhelm with Valdimar. I'm sure he knows how to behave, but still I'll feel a lot safer in Windhelm when there isn't room for situations someone might misunderstand and report to Yrsarald. By the way, Valdimar is most fascinated with the College and especially the library which he, as my companion, is allowed to visit. Having spent most of his life in Morthal, he hasn't even seen many books, and, quite frankly, Hviterun isn't much better in that respect. That's why he intends to stay here for a while.

I hug my big strong lover goodbye and run south, towards Amol City with the girls. Even though most of the sky is covered with gray clouds, the weather is nice – clear, not too cold and without snowfall. I'm having this strange feeling I ought to remember something I've forgotten. I mean, I know I have memory loss, but right now I'm like on the verge of recalling something important, yet I can't quite grab it.

Just before the entrance to Amol City, we find a Khajiit skooma seller. I tell him absent-mindedly to find himself a new occupation, and we keep running towards the town.

We find out that I did indeed sell my Staff of Magnus  here and they've still got it. Luckily for me, practising mages have no use for that kind of a thing and no rich weirdo collector has found his way to this remote smalltown.

I propose we celebrate the completion of this long and arduous search at the local inn. In fact, I just want to sit down for a while. Talking to the shopkeeper and the market trader has briefly taken my mind off the elusive memory, and now that I got the Staff of Magnus back, a huge load has fallen off my shoulders. All of a sudden, I now remember the names of my siblings. My elder brother's name is Cortoran and my younger sister's is Elanna. Cortoran, as you already know, is 7 years my elder, and now I remember Elanna is 4 years younger than me.
"Family name?" asks Lydia after I've told them all this.
"Masierri," I reply without thinking. Wow! I can't believe I know that too!
We're all in smiles. My followers are so happy for me.
"And the most important thing..." I say, forcing my expression to become very serious. During my dramatic pause, smiles on the girls' faces are replaced by grave attention. Only Lydia seems to have recognized I'm faking.
"I now know my exact age," I proclaim. "I'm 24, not 23 as I used to think. Meaning," I turn to Jordis, "I'm not just 5 days older than you. I'm 1 year and 5 days older than you. So you'd better watch your tongue around me, kid."
"Wrap my tongue around you? I don't think I can do that, Laura."
In spite of myself, I laugh out loud. Then I turn to Jenassa and say seriously: "I fear we will soon have another Lydia on our hands."
"You mean, you will?"
"Well, yeah." I look at Lydia and say: "No, on second thought, I don't think there'll ever be anyone quite like Lydia."
We look deep into each other's eyes until Jordis says: "You two wanna get a room or are we going to Windhelm today?"
Lydia looks at her in a way that promises nothing good. I say: "Yeah, we'd better get a move on. You two can fight it out in Windhelm while I am..." I don't know how to end the sentence.
"Begging for mercy?" Lydia says.
I'm at loss for words. I might well be.
"Lead the way, Laura Masierri," says Jenassa.

I still can't remember my father's first name. I have many scenes in my mind's eye of sitting on his lap, following him around, hugging his thick arm, hiding behind his back whenever I felt threatened by something. But no name yet.

It's 11 o'clock. The weather is crisp. Everything looks so clear and the cold air is in fact pleasantly refreshing. We turn off the road like we have so many times in the past, and run over snowy hills. Occasionally I wonder quietly whom these or those small footprints might belong to.

"Jenassa, have you ever been spanked?" I ask as we wade slowly through the snow.
She nods. "I have. You have no idea."
"You don't have to tell about it if you don't want to. But I'm going to ask you from time to time."
Lydia laughs. "Good luck!"

We reach hard ground and start running again. I'm somewhat surprised to see the Stormcloaks have established a new military base north-northeast of the city. There's half a dozen tents, and the place is really a stone's throw away from the elven refugee camp which in turn is right outside the city walls.

After enquiring of the people in the camp about the situation, we enter the city. I go alone to the palace, stopping along the way to say hello to one or another old acquaintance.

Yrsarald greets me coldly. I'm shocked. What did I do? Is he going to dump me just because I killed Ulfric? I mean, I know murdering Ulfric Stormcloak was a very big deal, but Yrsarald acted like he was fine with it the last time.
Before my confused mind can formulate a coherent question, Yrsarald tells me to pay close attention. "You will now go to the room that so far has been known to you as my bedroom. You will strip naked. Leaving all you clothes and inventory in that room, you will go to what has been known to you as Ulfric's bedroom. The guards have been instructed not to enter either of those rooms while you or me are upstairs. They will, however, still patrol the corridors, so you must pick your moment and be very careful. Should anyone other than me see you in the palace in a state of undress, you will be punished. Any questions so far?"
"No, Mylord."
"Forget the "Mylord". Now, once in the formerly Ulfric's bedroom, you will lie down on the bed on your back. When I enter, you will open your legs and wait with your mouth closed and without trying to cover your breasts or pubes with your hands. If you need to go to toilet, you have to do it now before you go upstairs."
He lets me repeat it to make sure I have understood everything, and then tells me to carry the orders out.
I don't really have to go to toilet, but I do just in case. After that, I walk upstairs, say hello to the two guards and proceed to do exactly what Yrsarald told me to do. If he wants me naked, embarrassed and frightened, I can be reasonably sure that he doesn't intend to break up with me.
How can he know I'm not having my period, I wonder. Maybe he just forgot about it. It's very lucky for both of us. Um... come to think of it, I would have warned him, of course.

I don't have to wait long for my lover to turn up. He gets out of his clothes without a word and makes me suck.

Once in full size, he takes me sideways. I'm rather heavily aroused already. Yrsarald is strangely emotionless, though. He uses me like a prostitute. I mean, I don't actually know how men do it with prostitutes, but Yrsarald seems to be just mechanically fucking me like he doesn't care who I am. I can't understand what's going on. I'm never seen him like this before.

After a while, he pulls out and sticks it into the other hole. It's painful, to say nothing of disappointing, but there's something so furious about him I don't even dare wail, let alone protest.

Fortunately, he soon pulls out, changes my position and sticks it where it belongs. Overwhelmed with gratitude, I almost feel my orgasm approaching.

He finishes with me lying face down.

When he comes, he rests his body on mine. Squeezed by his weight, I can barely breathe. Do you know this sensation as if you're surrounded by your man's body? I feel like Yrsarald is everywhere in- and outside me. I feel his warm release and I'm ecstatic from the realization of my ability to give pleasure. Yrsarald remains lying on top of me as if I were a mattress. I could never leave this bed until he chose to rise up. And now I come too. I wish I could hug or caress him or at least squeeze him with my vaginal muscles to somehow show him my admiration, but I've gone limp all over. I moan, struggling to breathe, and after a while I just lie there quietly.

When Yrsarald gets up and begins to get dressed, he makes me stand next to the bed. With his clothes back on, he sits down onto the bed. After the command to suck, he hasn't spoken one word to me.
"Do you feel in any way scary or creepy or weird being in the room where Ulfric's dead body was?"
I think carefully for several seconds, searching for any signs of discomfort. I can't find any. "No."
"Good." He goes out to the corridor, evidently to wave the guards out of sight. Then he orders me to return to the room where I left my things, and follows me.
He tells me this is now my room. The room in which we just made love (he uses a different expression) is his bedroom. From now on, whenever I come upstairs, I'm to leave everything in my room just like now. If Yrsarald hasn't ordered otherwise, I will sleep here. That way, if he happens to be away while I arrive, I will be at hand when he returns and feels like fucking, he explains me.
Then he goes over all the items in my inventory. He's very interested in various enchantments. I make bold to tell him about my plan to dramatically increase the number of archers in the armed forces of Skyrim and to introduce archers on horseback. He says he'll think about it and have I talked to Tullius about it? I say: no, I don't feel like talking about anything with that man.
Then comes the dreaded moment I've been mentally begging to be able to avoid somehow: Yrsarald notices the Whip Cane. As you can imagine, it's very awkward. For me, I mean. He seems to be thoroughly amused, asking me if it has ever been used on me or if I have ever used it on someone. I end up telling him in general terms about punishing Rudelphine for intolerable haughtiness. Yrsarald is not interested in details, but asks me if I would like him to whip me with it.
"Only if I've been very very bad," I say resolutely. I couldn't stand getting whipped for fun.
"But what if we do it for experiment's sake? I give you five lashes just so you will know exactly how painful it is?"
"Yes, that's all right, but please not today."
To my extreme relief he puts the whip away and moves on to... oh my, the strapons! This is possibly even more embarrassing.
Yrsarald wants to know more about them too, and I have to reveal I've had women use them on me and I haven't used them on other women. Fortunately, it doesn't occur to him to ask if I have used them on men.
He reads carefully every piece of paper I'm carrying. He says he'll keep the thalmor dossier on Ulfric. Then he orders me to get dressed and pick up my inventory.
When I stand in front of him, all decent and ready to go, he says: "Laura, I'm sorry that I was unable to defend you when Ulfric talked to you in such a disparaging manner."
I hug him tightly. "It's nice of you to say it. I'm sorry I killed him without asking you first."
Now, actually I did the right thing by not telling Yrsarald, but I have been feeling bad about our trust not being as complete as between me and my followers. That's why I wanted to apologize even though if I had to do it again, I'd do it exactly the same way I did.

We go downstairs to his office. Yrsarald shows me the interrogation protocols of Maven's spy Anuriel. I don't care about the spying part, but I read carefully everything that has to do with the Thieves' Guild. And did they ask about the skooma... yes, here it is, good. She didn't really know any names, just hushed things up in the palace when Maven Black-Briar told her to. But the warehouse in the harbor is also mentioned in the protocols. Excellent! Yrsarald's boys know their business. From where skooma was being brought to the city, she doesn't know, though. That remains for me to find out.
They really seem to have squeezed everything out of Anuriel. The descriptions of her reactions to various torture methods in the protocols, brief as they may be, are quite horrible. I almost feel sorry for her.

Yrsarald wants to know if I have any further questions to Anuriel or can they execute him. I say: no, I don't need her.
Now he asks me what I've been doing recently and what my plans are. I tell him about everything non-sexual from recent days and say I'm headed for Bitchen to see how my expromptu citizen council is holding up. Good, says Yrsarald. He's going to send Laila to Bitchen tomorrow to be restored as the jarl. I'd better run ahead and make sure everything is ready for her. I say, yes, but my citizen council will still be guiding her. Yrsarald agrees, on the condition that orders that come from him personally are to be obeyed without backtalk. I'm okay with that.
Yrsarald has Laila summoned and informs her about our agreement.

"Have you remembered anything about your past in the meantime?" Yrsarald asks when we're alone again.
I wonder how long that meantime  would be. "I have."
When I don't say anything more, Yrsarald says impatiently: "Well, let's hear it!"
"Yeah, sure. My parents were told..." I stop suddenly.
"What's wrong, Laura?"
"Sorry. I remembered this just now, the moment you asked if I had remembered anything." I begin to tell hesitantly: "My family was told that I was Dragonborn... practically at the last moment. They were informed that I was Dragonborn and would have to go to Skyrim. My mother understood immediately, but my father and siblings needed a lot of explaining and convincing. At any rate, the priests told them... how should I put it... told them that as long as my family would keep this a secret, the gods would protect me." Actually, it was my higher self who was meant to protect me, but the priests were afraid it would come across as weird. Neither do I think Yrsarald has any business knowing about my higher self.
Another thing I know now – there are more people like me who have a higher self. Quite many, possibly. But the laws of nature somehow make sure that even if such people exist at the same time, they can never physically meet each other. Don't ask me why. It's just how it is. I wonder if it were possible for people like us to write to each other. Before I can begin to wonder what would be the point of doing it, Yrsarald brings me back to the present moment with more questions.
I end up telling him a lot, without recalling any new lost memories.

Then Yrsarald tells me I'd better leave now.
I beg your pardon?
It's 7 o'clock in the evening, he explains. (Indeed it is. Heavens, how the time has flown!) I can just about make it to Bitchen tonight. Besides, there are rumors in the city that Yrsarald conspired with me to murder Ulfric. Galmar may be scheming to oust Yrsarald and he can't afford to have Galmar killed, as that would only confirm the rumors. That is the reason why he feels downcast today and might have not been the most pleasant companion, he says.
He plans to have copies made of the pertinent parts of the thalmor dossier. Hopefully, it won't be necessary to publish them, but he will if everything else fails. Until he has things under control, I'd better not show myself in Windhelm too much. And the discussion about his and my common future will have to be postponed until the next time.
I'd like to ask him if he at least sees a common future for us, but I can't find the right words and anyway this matter can't be discussed hastily. So I just ask him if I may kiss his dick right here. He stands with his back against the closed door and takes it out.
Adjusting his clothing again, Yrsarald tells me I'm to kill every bandit I encounter, as well as anyone involved in skooma trade in Skyrim. I ask what if it's an established trader whom the local community needs. Alchemists carry a little skooma sometimes, or at least moon sugar. He thinks briefly and then says I have to warn them that they are to keep away from skooma or they will be executed like common bandits. Moon sugar is allowed, because it has legitimate alchemical uses as well.
Naturally, I refrain from asking Yrsarald what to do when a skooma trader is a handsome Khajiit. I shall stretch the term "an established trader" to include them.

We hug and kiss one last time and I leave.

In the throne hall, I notice a young woman who looks kind of profoundly sad. I stop to ask her what her name is.

The  Alik'r Hood has no armor value, but I often wear it in settlements, because it's beautiful.
I have one that is gray and one that is red.

Bronwen, she replies.
Are you kidding me? Bronwen from Hviterun?
Yes.
The daughter of Raven?
Yes, that's his nickname.

Remember, I told you how me and my followers went to the Secret Enclave searching for Bronwen and couldn't find her? Well, it now turns out she was there, but she had somehow succeeded in hiding so that we didn't notice her in all the confusion, and after we had left, she found her way to the exit, sick from the sight of all those dead bodies. She was too shocked to even take some clothes from the corpses. All she was able to think of was getting away from that hideous place as quickly as possible.
Sneaking stark naked, hiding in the bushes, she eventually reached Windhelm Stables and, almost dead from cold and hunger, succeeded attracting the attention of the elven woman Arivanya who works there. She gave Bronwen some clothes and brought her to the palace. The steward allowed Bronwen to live at the stables (no, not with the horses; in the workers' quarters) and help out Arivanya who is most grateful because she hates horses. Bronwen likes them. In fact, after her captivity, she is happy of any creature who is friendly to her.

I inform Bronwen that Mendrell is hanging around further south. Until now, I've had no idea if that youngster's passionate feelings have been in any way reciprocated. Bronwen's reaction leaves no doubt they are. Well, I'm headed that way right now. Would she like to come along or would she prefer me to tell Mendrell she is here?

Bronwen says she'd love to see Mendrell, but she is reluctant to be ungrateful to the good people of Windhelm by leaving her job so abruptly. Therefore, she'd rather I tell Mendrell she is safe and ask him to join her in Windhelm. Then they will be able to figure out together what to do.

Now, what about her father?

Bronwen says she is earning money to be able to afford to return to Hviterun by horse cart, but it'll take time. Her father needs to be informed somehow, because he must be very worried about her. The way she says it, though, I'm having the impression she is not at all keen to reunite with her father. Therefore, I guess I won't tell Raven anything. The important thing is Bronwen is safe. The jerk of his father can go on worrying.

Realizing me and my followers were the ones to destroy Juvenal and his gang, Bronwen can't thank me enough. With her vowing eternal friendship and gratitude, we part cordially.

I go out and meet up with my girls. They say they saw many people look at them with strange hostility. I reply merely: let's go, I'll explain later.

Just because there are rumors in Windhelm, it doesn't mean country roads should be unusually dangerous. Nevertheless, I cut my followers' questions short and order our regular travel formation instead of just running side by side. That'll be with me in front, seemingly traveling alone, and the girls at some distance ready to come to my help quickly, should anything happen.

This is how I get attacked by a strange man between Kynesgrove and Vernim Wood, and by one more shortly after that. Of course, neither of them stands a chance against the four of us, but I'm getting a little worried. It's not just the two attacks on a relatively short stretch of the road. It's the attackers. Neither of them did look like those freelance robbers – you know, those ruthless fighters who roam Skyrim solo, preying on travelers and preferring to be called "thief" rather than "robber" or "bandit". Those two men rather made the impression of being sent on someone's orders. They didn't carry anything written, though, so it's just a hunch. Maybe I'm overthinking.

Mendrell is not in Fort Greenwall. We return to nearby Shor and ask the guard on the street. Sure enough, Mendrell is in Shor. He's helping the blacksmith and has been allowed to sleep in a house whose inhabitants lost their lives in a bandit raid.

We inform him Bronwen is alive and well in Windhelm, and is going to stay there for the time being, so he should go to her, but he'd better wait for a guarded caravan or a military convoy, because the road can get very dangerous.

The girls and I run to Bitchen now. At half past nine, the inn is packed with people, life seems perfectly normal and we feel very welcome here.

No rest for us yet, though. We must check out the Black-Briar Manor.

Ingun Black-Briar, Maven's gorgeous-looking daughter and a poison-brewing enthusiast, is at home this time. She doesn't try to hide her indignation over being visited by the enemies of her family. I inform her that she is sentenced to death as the gangster Maven Black-Briar's accomplice. Without any further ado, I kill her. She doesn't try to break loose or resist or beg.

After a quick visit to the palace to make sure everything is under control, we still have sufficient time to check out that warehouse which, according to that skooma-addicted Argonian woman Wujeeta, is the center of Bitchen's drug trade. As it has a lock that can't be picked, we take along half a dozen soldiers with tools for breaking the door down. Inside are three men who are waiting for us in the basement. They don't know about my Sense of Smell  power, thanks to which I know exactly where they are. It's still a somewhat messy fight, because there isn't enough room to maneuver.

After we've killed the criminals, we search the premises and find a note suggesting that a man named Kilnyr will be waiting with the next shipment of skooma in a place called Cragslane Cavern. The soldiers inform me it's south of Vernim Wood, reachable by a minor road.

Now I can finally say to Lydia I won't need her anymore tonight. She's itching to be with Maul. I tell her that with Maven dead, they can technically use the jarl's bedroom. She has figured that out already.

Jordis, Jenassa and I return to our house to have a good night's sleep. I know I ought to go and see my boyfriend Madesi, but I'm just not in the mood.



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