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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day
4-202-02-24 11:23
a tent, Pale Imperial Camp, The Pale, Skyrim
The weather is bearable, for the local circumstances. We say a cordial farewell to Anska who heads south. Me and my followers run east towards Dånstar. We see a nice hare along the way, as well as outrun a group of horny bandits. Yeah, should have killed them, as it occurs to me by the time we're already seeing the gate of Dånstar. I wanted to rub out all banditry, didn't I? Then again, it should really be the job of the Imperial soldiers in that camp, now that they have no more war to fare.
Just inside the gate of Dånstar, we have to kill a dragon.
In case you've forgotten, dragons always burn like this shortly after they're killed. In a few seconds,
I'm going to absorb the dragon's soul. The fire doesn't hurt. You can stand as near as you want to.
I'm going to absorb the dragon's soul. The fire doesn't hurt. You can stand as near as you want to.
Then I tell my followers to spend some time without me. Lydia's boyfriend Bjarne is already there and they disappear almost before I've finished talking. I head for the shrine of Dibella south of here to follow Rorlund's advice.
The snow is falling, but there isn't much wind. Sitting on top of the hill looking at the spruce forest down below, I feel the cold doesn't bother me at all.
There are no animals in sight. I've told you I've taken to using Spriggan Soap in order to avoid being attacked by wild animals, because I feel bad about killing them. I'm glad I have, because it's an awesome thrill when you encounter a bear or such and it just walks past minding its own business. But now I remember again a thought that occurred to me maybe three weeks ago: the predators I let live might eventually encounter other human beings and kill them. Does this mean that by using Spriggan Soap, I'm endangering other travelers? Am I being irresponsible here?
I know what Jenassa would say: if I feel sorry killing animals then it's all right to use Spriggan Soap, and if I want to practise my weapon skills and get some hides to make leather, it's all right not to use Spriggan Soap. But either way the decision has to be made based on what I think is good for us, not whether or not our not killing the predators would leave eventual other travelers in greater danger. If other people decide to venture into the wilderness, they must take the consequences. I can't kill all the wolves and bears and sabercats in the world just to make sure they won't attack any humans.
This is hilarious: I can already talk to myself like Jenassa! I don't even need the actual Jenassa. Nevertheless, I will take her back as planned. I feel much surer of myself when she's close by. If everything goes well, I'll see her this evening. No, I had better let her have an undisturbed last evening and night with her boyfriend. We'll spend the night in Winterhold and I'll replace Valdimar with Jenassa tomorrow morning. Then we'll travel to Amol City and Windhelm. I hope Yrsarald is safe. And I hope he won't fancy my butthole again. I can't understand why many men feel they have to stuff their penis into every hole where it fits. So what if women have two holes down there? One of them is meant for sex and the other one is meant for something else.
The worst part of backdoor sex isn't even the pain. It just feels so disgusting! No, let me rephrase that. The worst part is the disappointment that your vagina will have to go hungry. The penis is so close and yet so far. It's like watching another woman getting fucked. Or, I don't know, you and the man sitting facing each other and masturbating, instead of doing it with each other.
Well, I guess I'd better return to Dånstar. I'm beginning to think stupid thoughts. It's getting on four o'clock anyway. The snowfall is so heavy I can barely see the trees. No, that was an exaggeration. But we'll have to leave for Winterhold well before it gets dark.
Yes, I know, the scenery leaves something to be desired around here.
Walking past the dragon corpse, I notice Jordis. I ask if she's already had a bath. No, she was waiting for me, she says. What, seriously? No, just joking, she replies. Yes, she's had a bath, but she can come and keep me company.
Good idea!
While I'm washing myself, I ask Jordis if she thinks Valdimar will be offended that I prefer to run with Jenassa instead of him.
"No, not really. I rather think he'll feel relieved."
"You mean..."
"Yes. I'm getting the feeling we're sucking him dry, figuratively speaking. He can't go on like this with three horny women for much longer."
I nod. "That makes sense. So you think he won't be too sad about being sent back to Hviterun?"
"You know, Lydia and I have discussed this a lot. Valdimar is so attractive, so... calmly and undramatically confident, that we can't help ourselves. We feel so good around him – as, I daresay, do you. But it is wearing him out."
I nod, preferring to not go further into that part that referred to me. "So this is a perfect solution. He saves face and we can return to an all-girl party."
Jordis grins widely. Then I can see hesitation on her face for a few seconds before she asks:
"How do you feel about Valdimar?"
I look into myself in search for the correct answer.
"In a nutshell: he's very good, but it won't, like, tear my heart out when he leaves. He's strong and reliable – I mean, the kind of strong that can give me the feeling of absolute safety, and I have complete trust in his judgment, yet I can manage without him as well. Yrsarald is different. The sight of him gives me such a thrill. There's a certain degree of unpredictability in him. I never feel one hundred percent sure I can control him if something should happen. I mean, he could easily kill me. I don't think he would, but there is no absolute guarantee there isn't something I might say or do that would make him lose it. I mean, when you come to think of it, one could surely say something so insulting to Valdimar that he would attack one in rage, and obviously he is also strong enough to kill me with ease, but with him I never think about it. With Yrsarald, something in me is always aware I'd better watch my tongue. Which, logically speaking, should make me feel less safe with him, but strangely enough it doesn't. I don't know if I can explain it clearly..."
"I think I know what you mean."
"Yeah, the craziest part is, if Yrsarald would get so angry as to attack me, I'm not sure I would even want to defend myself. I mean, we've been intimate for so long and if I now suddenly have done something so bad that it causes him to go berserk..."
Jordis nods and I go on. "The point is, there's always a certain element of uncertainty involved with Yrsarald, and that is incredibly intriguing, as well as arousing. I don't know if it's a good comparison, but Valdimar is like riding a good strong reliable horse, and Yrsarald is like riding a bear who may be just as strong and friendly but is still somewhat wild."
"Not a dragon?"
"No, that would be Lorm. Or not even Lorm. Lorm was like an attempt to ride a troll. Or a mammoth? I don't know. It's hard to compare it to anything. As for riding a dragon, it was not a pleasant experience at all. I'd compare it to being raped by a bandit. You know, you have every reason to assume he has no interest in killing you or beating you up, he just has the urge between his legs he needs to get rid of. You can't even help admiring his strength in a certain way. Yet, you are terrified, because you are totally out of control and you know he couldn't care less in which state you'll end up when it's all over. And he might kill you just to make sure you don't find him one day and take revenge. All in all, you hate him, because you don't understand why he has to be so brutal about it when he actually seems to have the capacity of treating you like a human being."
Jordis listens to me with a mixture or fascination and horror. She seems to be expecting me to go on, but I don't really have anything more to say. "Not that I've ever been raped. I'm just imagining. Or, well, I've had a dream or two." Jordis still doesn't reply and I add "...per half-year."
She smiles at that and asks: "Do you know for certain you've never been raped for real?"
"I do."
"How did you feel those times when you raped a captured bandit?"
I shrug. "I gave him his life and he paid a price for it."
"So how is it different to when a man would rape you?"
"Sperm? I don't know. Defeat. Humiliation. Fear. Uncertainty. Will he really let me live?"
Jordis has become pensive. Maybe she regrets she brought it up. I go on:
"But if it's the price for not getting killed, then I'll gladly pay it and in fact I'm grateful I have this way of avoiding death which a man in my situation wouldn't have. But above all, I would curse my own failure to avoid getting into a situation I couldn't handle."
"But what if you weren't reckless and got into a battle too big for you? Imagine you're grabbed off the street and raped."
"The same. I should have been more careful. I should have paid better attention to what was going on around me."
Jordis looks doubtful. "I've never thought about it that way."
"Have you ever been raped, Jordis?"
She laughs awkwardly. "No. Gods be thanked. I can't imagine how I would... be afterwards."
"But someone we know has."
"Could be. She has never said anything. Lydia doesn't know either."
I wonder if I ought to tell her I do know. Then I think better of it. We should be going anyway. "Jordis, would you fetch Lydia? I'll find Valdimar." I step out of the bathtub.
"Sure, Laura."
I feel very happy as I dry myself. This is the first time ever I've succeeded in having this kind of a frank conversation with Jordis. Even though we ended up with such a horrible topic. I scared even myself talking about it so casually.
In front of the inn, a courier brings me a letter. Someone who addresses me as "my dear Sir" and refers to himself as "A Friend" asks me to meet him (her? it?) because he has heard that I'm reliable and discrete . He'll be waiting at Eagle's Knob that is supposed to be between Hviterun and Roriksted.
That'll have to wait, obviously. Killing that troll I'm now seeing can't, though. He looks utterly lost between houses, but I still have to shoot him dead, because he could attack people. I can't imagine how he even ended up here. Are all the guards banging Lydia? No, I can see at least two of them on the street. Now, there is Jordis coming with Lydia, and Valdimar is already seeing me. There's still good light and the snowfall is abating. A perfect time to start our journey to the east!
We go somewhat slower than usual, because I have to stop several times and admire the amusing horkers who let us get very close thanks to the Spriggan Soap we've used. No longer very far from Winterhold, we get a little lost and run into a group of bandits fighting icewraiths and possibly another group of bandits. It's somewhat confusing in this snowstorm.
What a place for bandits to dwell in!
We let them fight it out with the icewraiths and then kill them. Now, where the hell are we? Oh, the path leading to Winterhold's southwestern gate is right here. Great. We even have halfway decent visibility when we arrive in the town.
Nothing like simple human kindness! And it doesn't matter she's simply running a business. Her hospitality still warms my heart.
After we've caught our breath at the inn (Jenassa and Nelacar are out, but Haran will make sure they'll be informed of our arrival), we drop by Birna's shop. She is most happy to see us and she even has a few things I want to buy. Then I go to the College. I meet Master Sergius in the study hall and give him a delivery from Solitud. After that, I'm going to meet my boyfriend Onmund. You remember I've been trying in vain to coax him into telling me the amulet's secret. I've decided to give it up. I'll just hand the damn thing over and he'll tell me what he chooses to tell.
I find Onmund in his dorm room. He doesn't look quite as happy as I had expected. In fact, he says to my profound shock that he'll spank my butt for withholding the amulet from him.
"You can't spank me," I try to argue, "because I did you a service by giving the amulet to you in the first place. I could have just kept it and you wouldn't have even known I had it."
"Wrong. I learned from Enthir that he had given it to you."
Dammit, he's got me. What am I going to do? I've undeniably been disloyal to my boyfriend and he has the right to punish me, unless I tell him I'm breaking up with him, and I don't want to do that. Not over a trifle such as this.
I try to get out of it all the same: "But I still did you a big favor by getting that staff Enthir demanded in exchange for the amulet."
"But after you had done it, it was mean of you to keep the amulet from me."
"But shouldn't that offense be forgiven because of the preceding big favor?"
Onmund seems to begin getting annoyed with this dispute. "Laura, I am your boyfriend and I find that you need to be taught manners. If I hold you down, do you think you're strong enough to break loose?"
Now, this is a wrong question to ask. My boyfriend's being stronger than me ought to be so obvious that the question would never even come up. I couldn't respect a man too weak to overpower me.
When I don't say anything, Onmund asks: "Would you rather have it done here or at your place?"
Is he out of his mind? I can't get naked, much less spanked here in the dormitory where they don't even have proper doors! I hurry to assure I want us to go to my quarters.
Onmund seems pleased with my apparent submission to his decision. Still, he's silent all the way across the College roof and up the stairs. I feel my knees shaking. I'm not really afraid he would hurt me, but this is so unexpected. How did I end up in this plight? I can't think clearly and there's no one to ask.
When we've arrived in the privacy of my bedroom, I throw off my armor and say: "Mylord, I beg you to forgive me and fuck me. But if you give it a serious thought and still feel that I deserve a punishment, I will not resist." Having said that, I kowtow and wait.
I can almost hear him hesitate. Then he tells me to get up on my knees. I chance a look at his face. Onmund's expression leaves me no hope. At his sign, I take off my boots and amulet and step closer gingerly.
He chooses to do it over his knee with his hand. I guess I should feel greatly relieved. After a few slaps, I begin to wail and beg forgiveness all the same, not because it's so painful but because this position is uncomfortable and I'm afraid because I've no way of knowing how long it'll last and how painful it'll get, and I figure I'd better start making myself pitiable too soon rather than too late.
Onmund makes a pause and tells me the amulet has no magical effect as such, but it's dear to him because it belonged to his grandfather who tragically lost his life, after which his parents entrusted it to him. I tell him I didn't know and I'm really sorry. It doesn't help, the punishment continues. I scream I'm sorry and beg Onmund to allow me to suck his dick. I get increasingly more graphic in my vocabulary, and then he finally stops and orders me to stand up. Suppressing a triumphant grin, I get on my feet with some effort. It wasn't that bad after all. I stare with fascination at his rock-hard penis.
Onmund stands up, looks at my dry eyes and says: "What the hell? You haven't even cried."
"I'm sorry, Mylord," I reply, maybe with a hint of irony in my voice. "The punishment is over."
"You dirty little cheat! I pitied you, but you were only pretending."
I shrug. "I was begging for mercy because I was afraid, not because the pain was too great... yet. It's not my fault if you misunderstood me. It was your decision to let me off the hook."
Onmund is at loss for words for a few seconds. Then he says: "But you still promised to suck my dick."
"Of course I'll suck your dick. You thought I would go back on my word or something?"
He grabs my hair and forces me down on my knees. Quite frankly, I'm getting fed up with things stuffed into my mouth, but I don't complain. I brought this upon myself, didn't I?
I go slowly, licking every square millimeter of his thing. With utmost care, I even take one of his balls between my lips. It's scary, because I have no idea how much I can squeeze it without causing pain. (Got to remember to try with a surrendering bandit when I get the chance.) So I just lick its hairy surface a little and then let it out of my mouth again.
When Onmund comes, I drink up everything and go on sucking until he pulls my head away. Then we lie down in embrace and I ask him things like did he miss me. I'm trying to find out if he's sleeping with other girls while I'm not there, without asking so directly. He answers my questions but volunteers no additional information, so I end up none the wiser. Guess I'd better ask some female students whether or not they have noticed anything.
It now occurs to me that if the amulet has no magical effect, how come it was so important for Enthir. I don't dare ask Onmund.
As we're about to put our clothes back on, I kneel before Onmund, kiss his penis, look up to him and ask: "Am I forgiven?"
He smiles and caresses my hair. "Yes, you are forgiven."
I thank him, stroking his thigh, and stand up. Onmund says: "Next time, you won't get away so easily."
I withstand his stare and say: "Maybe so, but you can only punish me when I've been bad. If you intend to spank me just for fun, I will be yours no more."
"Fair enough." He hugs and kisses me, squeezing my buttock hard with his hand. He's strong after all. Good to know. I suppress a moan of pain. When he releases me, I look for signs that he might want anything further. No, doesn't look like he will anytime soon. So we just get dressed and walk down the stairs.
I go to the library to say hello to Ertzebet. Lydia and Jordis are there, talking to her. They are... how should I put it mildly?... between astonished and disbelieving upon hearing that I just had my first ever romantic punishment.
Of course they insist I tell them all about it.
"Will you carry me on your hands to the inn?" I ask.
"Absolutely!" They are about to rise when I damp their enthusiasm: "Forget it, I don't want it. And come to think of it, I don't want to talk about it tonight. I'm tired and want to go to sleep."
Ertzebet goes on insisting. Lydia and Jordis know already that if they give me a day or to to process my emotional reactions, I will really tell them everything, not just fleeting superficial impressions as I would now. So Lydia only says: "Who would have ever thought Onmund will be the first to do this to you?"
Indeed, I can't quite believe it myself. As I stand up to leave, I ask the girls to find Valdimar. I return to the Arch-Mage's Quarters and fall asleep before they have returned.
next awakening
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