Always Lost, Always Hopeful (188) In Your Face

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-23 07:14
The Mer Inn, Granite Hall, Whiterun, Skyrim


I wake up when I'm turned onto my back. I open my eyes and see Mojarik climb on top of me. I spread my legs.

He actually takes enough time for me to reach orgasm too! This is amazing. When he begins to pull out, I whimper protestingly and pull at his body, and he remains lying op top of me.

Well, it would seem that our glorious Hammerfell expedition is over and all my thorough preparations have been in vain. Or should I go back there alone to hone my tactical skills? No, I'd better not. With the locals fighting each other, some allied with the Dominion and some not, I have no reason to stick my nose into that crazy mess.

I feel Mojarik's penis slowly slipping out of me as it has become completely soft. I give him a bright smile and kiss him passionately. Somehow the world seems a much better place this morning. I only hope I didn't make myself a complete laughingstock in the eyes of my followers with all those rules.

Yes, Mojarik, I understand you're expected on duty. I need to get dressed too and go and see how (or what) my followers are doing.

They're not doing anything. They're sleeping – with Jordis in Valdimar's bed and Lydia in the smaller one.

I leave quietly and go out. On the nearby marketplace, the traders haven't turned up yet, so I just exit the underground space in which the inn is and walk around in open air. The streets are beginning to fill with various people in hurry. After some pensive strolling, I notice Valdimar who seems to be looking for me. I ask him if he knows anything further about the political situation in Hammerfell.

He tells me Hammerfell used to belong to the Empire, but after the Great War, it was formally ceded to the Aldmeri Dominion. In reality, Hammerfell had already become independent, so Empire really just recognized the Dominion's claim on it.

We have been walking down the stairs towards the Morpork–Hviterun highway, beyond which lies the river. I suddenly remember something.
"What about Morrowind? Many people in Skyrim say that it's no longer a part of the Empire, but that's not what I was told in Ravenrock."
He smiles slightly. "That's a little complicated. I mean, nothing in Morrowind is simple," (I smile too), "but to explain it in as few words as possible: Morrowind is formally a province of the Empire, but they are allowed to run their internal affairs as they please. We're not getting anything like taxes from them, for the simple reason that the Empire hasn't got enough soldiers to force anything on Morrowind. In fact, we haven't been able to give them any assistance against those devastating Argonian raids down south."
"Yeah, some people insist that Black Marsh has already conquered Morrowind."
"Their state is called Argonia, but yes, that's what some people say. It's quite impossible, though. Argonia has neither the numeric strength nor the organization to overwhelm the entire Morrowind. But Morrowind is struggling. They are very much interested in being a part of the Empire. We have no serious points of conflict and they could use our help. I can imagine they'll be very happy to learn that the Skyrim civil war is over."

We are standing on a slope with me a little higher so that our eyes are on the same level. Without thinking, I take a step down so that I have to look up to him. I kind of feel more comfortable like this.
I put my hands on Valdimar's upper arms.
"You're so smart, Valdimar!" I look admiringly in his eyes trying in vain to find out what he's thinking about. "I can suck your dick if you want to."
"You will suck my dick tonight, Laura, and you won't excuse yourself with having a boyfriend in wherever we may be going."
"Okay." I can see how the limits between home mode and war mode are getting fuzzy, but it all seems rather silly and pointless now anyway.
After a few seconds of silence, Valdimar asks: "We're in war mode, aren't we?"
"It's all right," I hurry to assure him. "I will suck your dick..." I stop short of saying "when you will be able to" and say instead: "...tonight."
"No, I meant if I can ask you questions about rules rather than being a man who tells you what to do."
"Sure, go ahead."
"What you said about hating to get sexually embarrassed even in front of other women – does that include doing something with me when another woman can see it?"
"To be perfectly honest, I can do anything in front of Lydia and Jordis. With everything we've been through together, there's nothing to be embarrassed of... I think. But I would feel awful if you as much as grabbed my butt in front of strangers."
"Are you saying Lydia and Jordis have seen you suck dick?"
"I'm not sure." I try to remember. "Maybe a little. It's only once Lydia and I have been in bed together with a man, and Jordis was not with us that time. I guess I sucked the guy a little when Lydia was seeing it, but not all the way."
"How many men have you had sex with, Laura?"
"Don't ask."
"I can tell you how many women I've had in turn."
"No, please don't tell me. I don't want to know."
Valdimar raises his eyebrows.
I try to explain: "Whenever I am with a man, I want to feel special and I want him to feel special."
"Oh! I almost forgot what I actually started to ask you."
"What's that?"
"When I'm going to fuck your mouth tonight, would it be too embarrassing if Lydia and Jordis saw it?"
"No." I wonder if I ought to tell Valdimar I've had lesbian group sex with Lydia and Jordis. Then I think better of it. "You have spent two nights with the two of them anyway, so when they witness the two of us being intimate, it'll be no problem."
"Got it."
"But I'll be the only one sucking your dick, and I'm going to suck it all the way to the end."
"Yes, that's how I had planned on doing it."
"Good. I'm glad we've been thinking along the same lines." I quickly look left and right. Then I hug Valdimar and reach up to kiss him. He bends his head down and we kiss, and I fondle his butt, and then he fondles mine, and then he squeezes me with his strong arms until I can hardly breathe, but I don't make any sound of discomfort because I feel I'm in absolute safety. A hug like this a day and there's nothing in the world that can throw me off balance. I close my eyes and feel I'll come if this goes on for a few more minutes.
Suddenly Valdimar lets go of me and says "They're coming."
Who? How? Oh, he meant Lydia and Jordis have found us. Fine. Guess we're all set to go now.

Yeah, the only question is "where?"

I invite my followers to sit down for a while. How about we go to Solitud, and then Winterhold and Windhelm? Although we didn't really achieve anything in Hammerfell, I feel we have to tell Tullius what we did see. He needs to send an army down there. Or maybe somewhere else. I'm going to put the Hammerfell war out of my mind. It's clearly too big for us.
Once in Winterhold, we'll take Jenassa back, and Valdimar can return to Hviterun and inform Jarl Balgruuf about the situation while we proceed to Windhelm and give Yrsarald the same information, as well as find out when passing through Amol City if they've still got the Staff of Magnus  or possibly whom they sold it to. From there, we'll travel to Bitchen and see how they're doing. As long as nothing goes terribly wrong, we'll then have wrapped up the civil war and can focus on having some fun again.
While thinking out loud like that, it all becomes clear to me and there isn't really anything to discuss. Let's go!

Mr. Siika Castle is on our route. I'm about to run past, but then I think of dropping in to check if the horse is all right. It is. I wonder if Tullius's soldiers in Fort Masser next door have enough brains to feed this animal occasionally. Did we tell them? Yes, we did, says Lydia, don't worry. Good. Let's move on then.

As we begin our descent towards Roriksted, a rain unlike any other I've ever experienced begins.

We're soaked in a matter of seconds. In fact we're so wet I'm getting worried lightnings could hit us. And there are many of them.

We enter the Roriksted shop, more to recover from the shower shock, although I do buy a couple of things. After that, there's no escaping that infernal weather until Dragonbridge. Yeah, I forgot the shop there is closed. So we travel all the way to Solitud with water running down our absolutely everything. We could jump into the sea and come out again, and no one could tell the difference.

Once in the city, we go home and change (the rain has already ceased) and then check out the inn. I walk up to that chick Carlina who speaks weirdly.

She looks kind of troubled and finally admits she needs help with something. She asks me to visit a Cave of Borea northeast of Hviterun, and says she's sorry she can't tell me anything more at this time. All right, I'll go and take a look at it someday.

After a little chat with the nice bard Lisette and a visit to Sayma's shop, I feel strong (and dry) enough to go up to the fortress. I'm taking the girls with me this time.

Tullius is as nasty as ever. I report on what we saw in the Dragonstar area. Pardon me if I don't go into the details. I really don't want to dwell upon talking to that man.

I see my boyfriend Hadvar's commanding officer and he confirms that Hadvar has already left for Riverwood, as I had thought he would by now.

I let my followers walk around alone now while I go to the temple. The priest's assistant Silana informs me that Rorlund is not there, but he's somewhere in the city. Fortunately, I run into him on my way to the jarl's palace. He tells me he's busy right now, but I should see him in the temple in an hour or two. Great. Thanks.

After making sure I've told Elisif, Sybille, Bryling and Falk everything I told Tullius, I drop in the Bards' College on my way back to the temple. There are several teachers and students busy discussing (to not say dissecting) finer aspects of poetry and singing. Hardly anyone can be bothered to take notice of me.

I happen to find out there's a copy of the book which Lami of Morthal wanted to have. It's in plain view of people walking back and forth, so I can't just take it, and I can't figure out whom I would have to ask if they would possibly let me have it. It's not that awfully important anyway and I have enough other things on my mind, so I just walk out again.

The priest Rorlund has time for me now. He listens to me most attentively. He says he'll pray to the gods to give me my memory back. He asks which one of the eight gods I feel most closely connected to. Well, that would be Dibella. That's good, he says, because Dibella has many shrines in various parts of Skyrim. When I come across one, I ought to spend some time there – not so much praying as taking a break from all my worldly affairs, as well as other people. I should sit down in a comfortable place somewhere not too far from the altar for an hour or two and just let my thoughts wander, idly watching the ground and the trees and the animals. Do I know that men get their life energy from the sky and women from the earth, he asks. Yes, I know that. So, he instructs me to imagine unity with the earth beneath me and everything on its surface, but not be too serious about it, just be aware of what's going on around me and give in to whatever impressions I may get from my surroundings. When I do that every now and then, my past will come back to me eventually.

I stand there mentally repeating his instructions to figure out if anything is unclear. I think nothing is. After a little silence, Rorlund tells me he'd like me to do him a favor.
Should I be worried, I wonder, but I don't say anything yet.
Rorlund asks me to continue doing good deeds for Skyrim the way I have been. I may identify as a Breton, but with my mother a Nord, I still have a strong spiritual connection to this country, and with a new war threatening, there's a lot I can help with.
How does he know my mother was a Nord? Well, never mind, I suppose a priest of as many as eight gods (and maybe secretly even nine) ends up knowing great many things. So I keep my mouth shut.
My job is not to physically fight the Aldmeri army, Rorlund says. That's the duty of the people of Skyrim themselves. I ought to focus on doing things I can and other people can't.
That's all he says. I don't need to ask anything. I understand perfectly what he's talking about.

Walking towards the exit, I see Rorlund's other assistant, Freir. It occurs to me to ask her if I ought to leave a donation to the temple or something.
She says money is unimportant. I ought to do my part in keeping this fragile peace and preventing a new war.
Got it. Take care.

The sun in the blue sky has brought playing children onto the streets.

Me and my followers, we leave for Dånstar. For that, we'll need to cross the bay, as always. I have decided that this time we'll find that damned boat that's supposed to be transporting people between the harbor and the eastern bank. It's a real bitch to get to, but eventually we've reached it and are brought across the bay to that suburb of shacks. While in the boat, my thoughts wander to the ghost girl Tyllia in Blackreach and the horrible corpse of that man in that eerie dungeon beneath the Winterhold College and his unspeakably creepy diary. I decide there's no point for me to try and get to the bottom of that affair. I put it out of my mind.

We run to the east towards the Pale Imperial Camp without visiting Morthal. We do, however, notice some of those robust birdhead statues on a hill near the coast north-northeast of Morthal:

I feel like checking it out and the hill seems reasonably convenient to ascend.

As was to be expected, it's an ancient Nordic ruin, one with those massive stone arches.

It's called High Gate Ruins. None of us has ever heard of it. In front of the entrance, a couple of dead draugrs lie in the snow.

I ask Valdimar if we should go inside. He says: "Laura, you look like you're missing some old-fashioned dungeon-exploring."

He's right, you know! We'll go in.

With utmost care, we sneak through a small entrance hall and maybe a few dozen meters of winding passage, and detect someone who seems to be not hostile. It's a woman with a rather skimpy armor who introduces herself as Anska. She says down those ruins is a crypt of someone called Vokun which is supposed to contain a scroll she's looking for.

She has to get it no matter what, but she's too afraid to go against all those draugrs and she's too afraid to go back home with the job undone.

Doesn't seem very noble to me, a family who would send a woman on a mission like this. Anska explains there's a legend that says should a man approach, the undead Vokun will rise up, yet only a woman can permakill him.

Is she pulling my leg? Well, no matter. We are here, and there's no point in discussing what makes sense and what doesn't. Let's go check this place out.

Well, there are many draugrs (the yellow silhouette in the above picture is one of them) and they don't care if you're male or female. Most can be shot dead from a distance, some come alive only when we're close by, none react to Dwarven Spheres I conjure with my Aetherial Staff, and some let us even walk past without bothering us at all.

There's a puzzle with four levers which need to be operated in a correct way in order to open a gate. We finally get it right thanks to Anska who finds a hint to the solution.

I am most proud of being attentive enough to walk past all the floor traps. Everything is just exciting enough and just scary enough to make this a thoroughly worthwile adventure.

That one is not just any old deathlord, but a  Draugr Death Overlord!

As the clock approaches midnight with neither sleeping facilities nor the end of the dungeon in sight, I begin to wonder how I'm going to fulfill my promise to Valdimar, but then I realize he's the one who will want his dick sucked, so it's not me who has to worry about it.

And then we open a door to a large sinister hall with a big coffin at the far end from which something haggard rises up and floats in the air. At first glance it looks like a dragon priest. We waste no time killing it. And then we find the scroll Anska wanted.

I believe to faintly hear the characteristical sound of a word wall. Indeed, there's a passage that leads to another weirdly-shaped hall, and there's one of those concave walls with glowing foreign characters.

Valdimar looks at me meaningfully. Yeah, you're presence of mind is remarkable. Girls, would you mind?

Lydia and Jordis take Anska out of sight and I kneel before Valdimar and have my mouth filled with his warm masculinity at the same time ancient magic fills my mind with yet another dragon shout.

I must say, a liquid from a man's penis making an actual human child grow inside of you is incomparably more miraculous than this word wall thing, when you really stop to think about it. (Obviously, we're not making a baby here, I was just talking about the general principle of what sperm can bring about.)

Then we walk up the stairs to Lydia and Jordis. I have little doubt they kept peeking at us from time to time – just to make sure we're not being attacked.  ;-)

We exit the dungeon and invite Anska to run with us to the imp camp if she wants to. She accepts gladly.

It's past four in the morning (still very dark) by the time we arrive. The Imperial soldiers are kind enough to allow us to sleep in their tents.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Deflorator's game, 22–26 Heartfire (Burning Queen – Dragonbridge – Hviterun)

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SPOILER INFO
This unfinished story follows closely my actions in an actual game, so it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous chapter






The author has chosen to remove the text of this unfinished game report, because he is no longer happy with it.

The Solitud bathhouse basement looks properly infernal.

next chapter

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (186) Maybe Too Serious

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-202-02-21 07:26
Alva's House, Morthal, Hjaalmarch, Skyrim

After this first proper sleep in two nights, a wash in the beautiful Morthal Bathhouse is all we need to make the world perfect for ourselves. I think I told you that even though this bathhouse doubles as a (small but classy) brothel, you can absolutely use it for bathing. They have a steam room and everything, and the hostess Aija is most welcoming and decorous.

The clear winter morning seems like a warm summer day in our current joyful mood. We walk around a little. I buy some ingots from the blacksmith and learn from the alchemist Lami that she misses reading a certain alchemy manual her past teacher used to have. It's called "Song of the Alchemists". I promise to get her a copy, should I come across one. (I suppose I'd better ask my friend Seline, the bookseller in Morpork.)

I find a moment to ask Lydia privately about her wrestling with Jordis last night. Was she really stronger (which I find hard to believe) or did Jordis let her win?
"I think she let me win. She is a little like that."
Yes, I kind of guessed as much.

Now it's time for us to break up for Labyrinthian.

This time, there are neither trolls nor bandits between here and Hviterun. We see, however, a mammoth when we run past a camp of giants.

The weather is nice and Hviterun looks incedibly beautiful next to the foggy mountains in the distance.

I realize I should really do a round of crafting while we're in the city. The world will not go under if we spend one more night, but having our armor and weapons improved by a hundredpoint or two can save our lives in Hammerfell, especially now that we're going to have a less experienced team member in Jenassa's place.

Having entered through the main gate, we walk to the marketplace where I tell Lucia I have to go to the palace right now, but later she can watch me do my smithing and enchanting.

My dear Ysolda is also there.

I tell her I'd like to discuss some business with her if she'd care to come to my house a little after 9 in the evening. Then I walk up the stairs with Lydia and Jordis, say hello to the priest Heimskr and proceed to Dragonsreach where we find a private place to have a serious talk with Valdimar. I've been extremely unsure if I ought to talk to him alone or with the girls. We've come to the conclusion to do it together, the three of us (without Jenassa).

I tell Valdimar that we need him as a temporary replacement for Jenassa. I explain him we'll be going to Hammerfell to (very likely) participate in a war that can be very terrible. Or not. We may be spending months there or we may be back in a couple of days. In short, we know absolutely nothing about the situation. The only thing that's more or less certain is that we are going to be able to return whenever we want to.
The point is, we're going to need him both as a fighter and a man. A man for all three of us. Admittedly, we may end up coming back in a week and looking very silly. Yet, we have to make things clear before we go.
The thing we need to make clear is that it's only on the battlefield that I give orders. In the bedroom, he has to be the one to tell us what to do. Women can't stand a partner who expects them to make decisions. In order for it to be clear who is the boss at one or another moment, I will be the one who says if we're in war mode  or home mode . When I say we're in home mode, the three of us become a quasi-harem for Valdimar. Should he neglect one of us or do it in the wrong holes all the time, we'll be disappointed. But it'll be his decisions all the same. We may beg him, we may compete for his attention, and we may even try to say no, but he will always be the one to decide whom he fucks and where.
Lydia cuts in: "This doesn't mean you'll have to fuck each one of us every day or anything like that. You fuck when you feel like it and you choose your partner."
"From among us," says Jordis.
"Yes. That's the only restriction."
"Um," I interrupt, "in fact, there's one more thing. Occasionally, one or two of us may decide to have sex with someone else, and then you'll have to make do with the remaining two or one, and you won't complain or look offended. Some of us have boyfriends somewhere, you know, or we may find someone we really fancy – which, I admit, will be unlikely in Hammerfell, but you never know. At any rate, there mustn't be any jealousy nonsense. Other than that, we'll be yours to use the way you please. All we demand is that you know what you want all the time, tell us clearly what you want from us, and make us do it. That has to be."
Valdimar doesn't show any emotions at this point. I continue: "I understand it is highly unusual for women to tell men such things, but we don't have the time for hinting subtly and letting you figure things out. Therefore, I want you to spend the next... a little less than 7 hours alone and think about what I just told you. At 9 o'clock in the evening, I want an honest answer from you if you can do it or not. This double role – unconditional obedience in war mode, master of three women in home mode. Now, do you have any questions?"
Valdimar shakes his head. "No. I'll give you your answer at 21:00 today." He's sensible enough to realize this is not the chatting time and he's never been a man of many words to start with. That's exactly the kind of guy I'd like to have with me on this mission.

Now I go and sit with the three Ingmansdotter sisters who have apparently been informed of my arrival by the women's messaging network, as it were, and are eagerly waiting for me at one of the long dining tables. I ask them what is their opinion of Valdimar and have they possibly slept with him. The vehemently deny it, insisting they have good boyfriends. But the word among women is that while Valdimar is way below the level of Mikael or even Erik as far as honeyed words are concerned, he would never turn down a woman who's had her scruples lowered by a drink or two at the inn. Speaking of Erik, he approaches me when I leave the girls to have a word or two with Farengar. Erik says he'd like to go on another adventure with us someday, but I rather doubt he means it, and even if he does, I couldn't risk getting him killed and leaving an unknown number of Hviterun women grieving for him – nor, mind you, deprive that joker Mikael of such a cool rival.

I then take a little stroll in the eastern suburb. The thing is, I kind of feel I ought to be with my new boyfriend Harek, but on the other hand I'd rather like to spend time talking to Lucia. I can't make up my mind, so I just walk casually all the way to Lerguk's smithy. If I should encounter Harek on the street, I'll let him grab the initiative.

Well, I don't run into Harek, but I'm glad to see the Orc blackmith Lerguk is back at work. He's been away the last couple times I've been in Hviterun. I was getting worried about him. Maybe Borgakh has been keeping him busy? [Grin.] Got to remember to ask her.

Having visited Cyrelas's magic shop, I walk back towards the eastern gate, taking in the sights and moods:

On my way to the marketplace, I run into my friend Amren whom I had the pleasure of helping on the very first days I came to this city. I ask him if he and his wife (Saffir, remember?) have overcome their differences. He says they're fine, more or less. As we talk, he walks with me to the marketplace where I ask Carlotta to let Lucia know when she turns up that I'll be at Adrianne's smithy for the next couple of hours.

This is an earlier picture of the other smithy called the Skyforge where the late Eorlund Gray-Mane used to work.

Lucia joins me shortly and I thoroughly enjoy explaining her what I'm doing, but I can see she's not the greatest enthusiast of people banging away at metal things with hammers. But then we walk up the palace at a pace much slower than usual, and she tells me lots of interesting things about what's been going on in the city.

This is the view from Adrianne's. The main city gate is to your left, just outside the frame. Ulfberth's shop is on the right.
Straight ahead is the western guard barracks. The steps barely visible on the right lead to The Drunken Huntsman inn.
My house is up the stairs that are well visible right of the barracks, through the arch and the first house to the right
(not the one that can be seen through the arch; I think that's the House of Clan Battle-Born).

Lucia is most fascinated by enchanting. Too bad I haven't much to enchant, just an archery-enhancing ring somewhat stronger than my previous one, and a fire bow (meaning, one that sets an arrow on fire when shot, so you can use ordinary arrows as fire arrows). Fire damage is not very important by itself, but fire emits light, therefore it can be helpful for having your targets burn when fighting in darkness – you'll see where to shoot your next arrows.

Lucia asks if it's really necessary that people keep killing other people. It's a question I ask myself a lot. I explain her that there are foreigners who want to rule over Skyrim and make all of us their servants. We'll have to shoot some of them dead until the rest decides to leave us alone. That's the only way to do it.

It's getting dark outside by now. I tell Lucia to walk home with one of the guards who is headed that way, and to ask Carlotta to come over too. Ysolda will be there and Mila may come as well if she wants to. We'll have something to discuss, and after that the two of us can sit in front of the fireplace and talk until midnight or maybe even longer.

After Lucia has left, I go to meet up with Valdimar, Lydia and Jordis.
His answer is yes, he believes he can switch between being a soldier and a man.
"I'm glad to hear it," I tell him. "Now, Valdimar, what I'm going to tell you next might be a little surprising..."
"You don't have to beat around the bush, Laura," he interrupts me. "I know you – more closely than most people, I daresay. I mean, I know what kind of a rational and straightforward person you are when you're sober. So you don't have to be afraid of shocking me or anything."
When I'm sober?? I can't believe he just said that! The girls don't even try to hide their chuckling. Of course they remember well what I let Valdimar do to me that time when I wasn't sober. Dammit, I'll make him pay for this! (Maybe.)
I gather up all my remaining dignity and continue: "I'm going to put you to the test."
"The test?"
"You'll spend the night with Lydia and Jordis."
"Um, maybe I should explain a little," says Lydia. "This is not "How many times can you do it?" This is "Can you act like a man?" We're not going to tell you what it is you're going to have to do in order to pass the test – for the simple reason that we don't know. We want to find out if you can make us feel like women. Whether or not you have it in you."
"Any questions?" I ask Valdimar.
"When we're in home mode, can I punish you when you're bad?"
"Yes, but I can end the home mode at any moment, and if we feel abused, I can choose to remain in the war mode permanently. In simple words, that would mean you'll lose us as women."
"Got it."
"And you mustn't embarrass us in public," adds Jordis.
I nod. "Oh yes. That's vitally important. A sore butt is a much lesser evil than a lewd remark in front of people."
Valdimar smirks. "I have no more questions."
But I remember one thing at the last moment: "I don't exactly enjoy being embarrassed in front of the girls either. The way you did a little while ago."
He looks at me with a noncommittal expression. "Am I supposed to say I'm sorry?"
I think for a second and then make a subtle grimace. "No, you'd better not. It's not sexy. But please don't do it again. My life is hard enough with Ly... Well, whatever." I realize too late there's no point reminding Lydia of her obscene remark in that Thuringen dungeon yesterday.
"I already said I was sorry!" said Lydia. She sounds really hurt.
"It's all right, Lydia. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm not angry with you, honestly, and you're still my best friend. But we're in the midst of something else right now."
"Yeah. Sorry for interrupting. Go on please."
I stand up. "I'll see you all at 8 in the morning in front of my house. With the exception of myself, home mode starts now. Good night."
I turn around and walk away.

I ask a guard on the street to send word to Jenassa to be in front of my house at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. Then I walk home. About those business plans I'm going to make with Carlotta and Ysolda, I'll tell you tomorrow if you don't mind, because I'd rather dedicate all my attention to my stepdaughter on this last evening before I leave for war.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (57) Rewarded in a Different Way

———————————————
SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-201-10-13 02:58
Alva's House, Morthal, Hjaalmarch, Skyrim


Across the marshland lighted only by poisonous plants, we head north-northeast towards Ustengrav. It's still night and we can't see much, not even the bandits outside Ustengrav. Fortunately, they give themselves away with their arrogant shouting, which leaves us plenty of time to grab our weapons and spread out, killing them easily.

There's a strange round structure of maybe ten meters of diameter, with steps going down. At the bottom of the stairs, there's a bandit corpse and a door. It opens to a cavern with platforms and a thick column and candles and fires burning here and there, as well as an occasional draugr coming to life and charging at us.

Fortunately, they're not too many at a time. They're also courteous enough to make their presence known to us from a decent distance. That's why the draugr-killing is pretty much routine work here. What is truly exciting is a furious death match between a draugr and a mage. We wait it out, sitting safely behind a corner where they can't see us. The draugr wins. He hasn't noticed us. As he walks away, I sneak up behind him and kill him.

Eventually we arrive in a dining hall of sorts. There are stone tables with actual food on some of them. Don't ask me who's been eating it. There's no living soul (or even undead) here now.

I recall this hall from dreams I've had in the distant past. It's a place impossible to find one's way out of. There are passages going in various directions, but no matter which one you take, you end up back in this very hall. I remember running around and around for what seemed an eternity. But this is not a dream. This is real. So we'll try to find a way forward anyway.

An hour later, I give up. As Bardslayer doesn't know how to get out of this cursed hall either, he teleports us through the walls in the direction of our goal. Unfortunately, he drops us in a weirdly-shaped room where the floor is entirely covered with rune traps. Each step I take sets off bursts of flames. I see no other way but to run forward as fast as I can. When I'm finally across with more than half of my health gone, I'm attacked by spiders, a little bigger than usual. I'm happy to notice that my Restoration skill has become so good that when I'm permanently casting the Healing  spell, I can restore my health just about as quickly as one of those spiders can injure me. Content that my life in not in immediate danger, I begin to strike at the spider with my powerful dagger (I only need one hand for keeping up the spell) and eventually kill it. Then I run further away from the fire traps into open space, only to have two or three more spiders drop down on me. All that time, my followers have been busy with the remaining spiders nearby. We finally kill them all. Giant spiders don't really stand a chance against the combination of weapons, magic and potions. It was scary, but I'm satisfied with my ability to keep a cool head in the midst of this monstrous firestorm and make right decisions quickly. (Didn't have any presence of mind left for taking pictures, sorry.)

Another hour of dungeons and draugrs, and we arrive in a large hall with a pond, a stone bridge across it and a platform at the other end:

I know there is something very terrible hiding in here. Most likely, it'll be in that water. I mean, it's pretty obvious that a place like this can't be harmless. I take a potion to fortify my Archery skill and a potion to temporarily increase my health. Then I cautiously take a step forward...

We hear a loud rumble. Something begins to rise from the water. Four large things. I shoot an arrow at one of them. It just bounces off. The thing is made of metal. So are the others. They're but four big statues, completely... well... harmless.

Not quite believing it's true, I walk across the bridge with utmost caution. Nothing happens. I approach the platform. Still nothing. There's a piece of paper. I pick it up. I look around me. Nothing. Absolutely nothing is happening.

The note is addressed to me. Really? Well, I mean, not to Laura. To "the Dragonborn". But it has to mean me. It's uncanny – someone wrote a letter and left it here, at the deepest end of this horrible dungeon, on the off chance I happen to drop by? If so, he must have known the Gaybores had sent me here.

Or guessed they must have, says Lydia.

Whatever. The anonymous author says he wants to talk to me. I'm supposed to go to the Riverwood inn and say I want to rent the attic room. That's the passphrase.

It's not too hard to figure out he took the ritual horn we came here to find.

Fine. I take the last look around in this not-so-awfully-horrible hall. No one wants to attack us. Let's get out of here, then.

We return to Morthal, loaded to capacity. Again, nothing interesting in our loot. Just trash to sell for money. Our Vampire Armors and Vampire Boots (which I keep enhancing as my Smithing skill improves) are still way better than anything else. To be honest, I didn't expect draugrs to carry anything spectacular to begin with.

I find a moment to tell Lydia about Athragar. She agrees with me – no man would talk like that to a woman he loves. He is clearly a seducer playing the game of numbers, that is chatting up women whenever he gets a chance and trying out one approach after another.

The Morthal shopkeepers have much too little money. There's still time to get to Dunstad Grove today. The plan is simple – we'll sell what we can, get acquainted with the village and generally have a pleasant evening, then head further south tomorrow.

Dunstad Grove lies to the southwest from Morthal, on the western bank of a wide river. We have to take the Dånstar–Dragonbridge highway back to the west.

After we've crossed the bridge, at the eastern end of which is one of The Naked Dragon brothels, we have to leave the road and proceed southwards over the hills, as there's no road leading from here to Dunstad Grove.

And there it is:

Dunstad Grove has a few modest shops and they're still open. In a nutshell, it's a cozy village, a close-knit community away from big roads and major events. It's nice to be here and I just love the river with the mountains on the other side. They have a bit of a problem with occasional bear attacks, but the guards are competent fighters.

We pay a visit to the nearby Crabber's Shanty to say hello to Pinarus and Ma'isha. We find the latter alone keeping house while the fisher is out on some errands. So we sit down for a while to keep the child company. She ends up telling us that there's a wonderful elven-style wooden house up a huge tree southwest of here up the hills. She has only seen it once from afar, but she can't go to explore it because of all the dangerous animals who abound in this region.

I decide we'll go and try to find that extraordinary place. Ma'isha shows us where a comfortable path leads uphill in the general direction of that fairytale house.

Indeed, before it's quite dark, we see a lovely little house built on a wooden platform up a big tree, surrounded by marvelous green lanterns:

That house is truly like a dream. It's the kind of place you never want to leave. There's a large kitchen-livingroom space and a staircase that leads to a bedroom on the second storey.

I know what's exactly the right thing to do at a time like this. I tell the girls to remain downstairs and be quiet, and motion Valdimar to follow me into the bedroom. He doesn't need to be told twice. The materials the bedroom has been built of and the living plants growing here and there make it feel like you're in the midst of grass and trees, except that it's warm and dry.

The room may be dry, but I'm not. Valdimar and I get undressed as quickly as we can and then we're on the bed. Since I'm the boss, I don't need to play shy, so we do it with me on top. I'll leave the rest to your imagination. Suffice to say it's monumental. The unreal beauty of this place, the fulfilled sensation in me, the admiration in Valdimar's eyes... I couldn't be happier.



next awakening

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (56) Cards on the Table

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-10-12 01:05
somewhere


I open my eyes and see the logs of the ceiling above me. Thank gods it's over!

Wait, where am I? This is not the Dånstar inn. The nightmare is not over.

I'm in a hut without windows. There's a piece of furniture in the corner that I suppose could be used as a small bookshelf. Currently, however, on it sits a woman wearing an armor that completely covers her face but leaves her thighs exposed. Sure enough, with legs like that she won't need any weapons against men, but it still looks kind of weird.

I am certain I'm awake, but I've no idea how I got here. I approach the woman. She says she's Astrid from the Dark Brotherhood. She says I "stole" a contract by killing Grelod when Aventus wanted Dark Brotherhood to do it. Now I have to repay it by killing one more person.

Is she drunk or something? My killing Grelod had nothing to do with the Dark-Brotherhood-summoning ritual. I just happened to walk in on Aventus while he was trying to perform the ritual, which he had been attempting to do in vain for so long that it had already become the talk of the town. Clearly Aventus had performed the ritual incorrectly, otherwise a Dark Brotherhood assassin would have arrived before I did. Or, if Aventus did  perform the ritual correctly, then the Dark Brotherhood must be a real bunch of bungling nitwits to fail to get the job done during all that time I was wandering around places.

Even though my reasoning sounds logical to myself, I'm not sure it would be very fruitful trying to argue with that weird woman. Let's find out first what's going on. I turn around and see three people kneeling on the floor, tied up and blindfolded. Astrid says one of them has a contract on their head. I must find out which. If I kill the right person, I'll be free to walk out of here.

How about I just kill Astrid instead? No, I can't, because she may have hidden the key somewhere in this shack where I'll never find it. Besides, she's gotten me intrigued. Let's have a chat with those unfortunate prisoners first.

The man on the left is called Fultheim the Fearless. He begs to be set free because he hasn't done anything. I grill him until he admits that he's actually a sellsword and has killed many people, so someone may have a grudge against him, but would I please let him go anyway?

I tell him to shut his trap and walk up to the woman in the middle, Alea Quintus. She is by far the haughtiest person I've ever seen in my life. Tied up, completely helpless, she has the nerve to overflow me with vilest abuse:

I wonder where I should kick her first – in her face or between her legs. I can't make up my mind, so I turn to the third prisoner, a Khajiit man Vasha:

Somehow this isn't making me feel like sparing his life.

He is the very embodiment of confidence. He graciously offers me a beneficial deal – I let him go and his people won't carve his name onto my corpse.

What a madhouse! I decide that Vasha is the most insolent. I kill him. Then I remember I was supposed to figure out whom the Dark Brotherhood has been contracted to murder. Oops! I walk up to Astrid with an innocent look on my face and ask if I guessed right.

She laughs and says the task was a hoax. All she wanted was to make me murder someone upon her order. It didn't matter whom.

Um... am I allowed to leave then?

Sure, says Astrid smirkingly and tosses me the key. She proposes that I join the Dark Brotherhood. She shows me on the map where their headquarters is, and instructs me to say the passphrase "Silence, my brother," to be allowed to enter. I thank her. Then I walk to the door, equip my bow and shoot Astrid dead before she can even grab a weapon. I will certainly go to the Dark Brotherhood headquarters and say the passphrase she told me, but that'll be in order to stamp out that serpents' nest.

I make sure the key works. Should have done it before  killing Astrid. [Chuckle.]

Now, what to do about the prisoners? Alea can't be allowed to live:

You just can't talk to me like that, especially when you're unarmed and incapacitated. I cut off her clothes and remove the hood that she complained prevented her from spitting on me. Then I unhurriedly whip her to death, cherishing the gradual change in her tune from supercilious you're-not-going-out-before-you've-washed-the-dishes to outraged what-do-you-think-you're-doing to fervent please-stop-this-is-too-painful to incredulous aghastness when she realizes the whipping is not going to cease.

Has Fultheim peed his pants listening to this? He hasn't? Maybe he's not such a miserable coward after all. But he's shaking like a leaf all right. Even his teeth are clattering. I tie him loose and tell him to strip naked. He can't control his hands, so I have to help him. I just want his gear. I mean, he hasn't got anything valuable on him, but it's a matter of principle. And yes, I wanted to see him nude. And maybe embarrass him a little.

Standing naked before me, he tries not to look at Alea's horrible corpse. As I eye his genitals, he covers them with his hands. A second later, he actually wets himself. I realize I'm still wearing the whip on my belt. I put it away, give Fultheim my most sensuous smile and walk out. "Fearless" as he is, he's welcome to take his chances with the nature of northern Skyrim. I guess I even left a couple of woven baskets and plates and such behind in the shack.

This frightening experience has turned out rather well. My only worry is that my followers who are still in Dånstar might suffer a bad shock when they see I've disappeared. This is the second time I'm doing it to them. Not that it's been my choice, but I still can't help feeling guilty for abandoning my closest friends like this. At any rate, they're too far for teleportation and I ought to let them sleep anyway. Now that I know where I am (which is between Solitud and Dånstar), I can send them a telepathic signal to meet up with me in Solitud. They'll get the message in their dreams and will know in the morning I'm all right. Lucky I wasn't teleported here from Solstheim or something.

Humming a cheerful tune, I begin marching west across the familiar marshland. On second thought, I'd better drop the tune. The many-legged inhabitants of this region may dislike it.

The place where Astrid had brought me to is actually quite near Ustengrav where the Gaybores wanted me to get that Jurgen Windcaller's Horn  thing from (the green dot on the map):

But I'm not going there alone. I'll go to Solitud, wait for the girls to catch up with me, and then we'll proceed via Dragonbridge to Morthal, and from there it's not far to Ustengrav.

Soon I'm on the eastern shore of that strait or gulf Solitud lies at. I have to swim across in my armor, because there's little hope coming on land in a place where no one can see me. The swim doesn't wear me out at all this time. I don't know how the people in your world can handle being soaking wet all over, but for the people of Skyrim it's not a big problem. I mean, we don't exactly enjoy it, but we have the ability to get dry pretty quickly when the weather is not too cold. Except that I'd rather not look at my hair in the mirror for some time to come.

As I climb out of the water, I run into a city guard. He doesn't seem to be used to meeting swimmers here, especially briefly before the sunrise. I greet him awkwardly and then ask if he knows the Dark Brotherhood. Just to say something. He says he does and what about it. I say I killed someone named Astrid who claimed to be from the Dark Brotherhood. His jaw drops. Astrid, he says, is the leader of the Dark Brotherhood. He says I'll have to bring the news to a Commander Maro in Dragonbridge.

Sure, I can do that. But first I run all the way to the fortress to find Hadvar. I mean, I run in order to dry up sooner. I really need Hadvar after last night's horrible experience. Fortunately he is there. We take a room at the inn and make love. Then I bring a book from Adonato of Windhelm to Giraud in the Bards' College, and when the shops open, I sell all my excess loot, which I hadn't the chance to do in Dånstar, thanks to Astrid.

A little after 10 o'clock in the morning, my followers arrive, dead on their feet. I hug them and let them have some rest, as well as news, at the inn. Then we head south. By 11, we're in Dragonbridge. Commander Maro is very happy with my recent streak of bloodlust. Of course, he only knows about Astrid; naturally I keep quiet about killing the two prisoners. Maro wants our group to go and destroy the Dark Brotherhood. Absolutely. I'm not going to tell him that it was my plan anyway. It's always good to let men think they have made you obey their orders.

But first we'll travel to Morthal – after shopping, naturally.

When we approach Athragar's alchemy shop, I realize that going there alone is a lesser evil than risking an embarrassing scene in front of the girls. So I tell my followers to wait for me on the marketplace, I'll be just a moment.
I mean, if Athragar tries to rape me, I can scream and they will surely hear me on the marketplace, won't they?
I enter the shop. I guess I don't look too confident.
"Laura, do you think it's seemly for a woman to suck a man's dick when she has sex with him the first time?" Athragar asks after we've done trading.
I gasp. "Are you crazy?"
He smiles. "I thought you were not like that."
I stare at him intensely. "Do you talk like that to every woman who walks in?"
His glance is steady. "No. Only you."
"Pfft!" I shake my head and turn to go. Before I can touch the door handle, Athragar says: "I love you, Laura!"
I stop and turn to him. "You know, this is getting too ridiculous."
"I'm serious. I know what kind of a man you think I am and I can't blame you. But you can ask the women on the marketplace if they have ever heard about me sleeping around."
I'm confused for a second, giving Athragar an opportunity to go on:
"Laura, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life. I would really love to..."
I slam the door behind me without listening to the rest. Just how naive does that creep think I am?

I try my best to look like nothing is wrong as I fetch my followers from the marketplace.

My mood improves considerably as we run east along the road that leads through that beautiful cozy forest I told you that reminds me of home.

In Morthal, I report to the jarl about the good deeds I've done and she appoints me thane. As always, the title comes with a housecarl – a formidable man named Valdimar this time.

I feel like checking him out, so I let Jenassa go for the time being. She's not going to set out for Hviterun until tomorrow morning, so I use the opportunity to ask her how she feels about us traveling to Hammerfell to check up on Rayya's parents and siblings. Jenassa says the terrain between Skyrim and Hammerfell is so difficult that should the border posts be indeed closed, we don't have a chance. But she doesn't know the current situation. It's better to ask around in Morpork or Falkert, she says. Or maybe even Dushnikh Yal.

We stroll together to the house of the butcher Fjolmund. After I have reported to him that we have killed those vampires, I take part in slaying a dragon and do some shopping – you know, the usual. A little before 8 o'clock in the evening, I feel that now I am the one who's dead on her feet. I go to sleep after giving Lydia and Rayya a most severe warning that they can do whatever they want, but no one may have sex with Valdimar before I've had.



next awakening






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