Always Lost, Always Hopeful (103) Trouble in Paradise

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-11-28 03:23
Signal Tower, Jerall Mountains, Falkreath, Skyrim


We discuss our strategy. Wilaar suggests we take defensive positions for a few hours in case the bandits have noticed something is wrong and attack us. We should go and try to infiltrate the fortress only when it's daylight.

I think he's a coward. We haven't met any serious resistance in the surroundings of the fortress so far, have we? The bandits around here have been much weaker than the ones in the cave. Motioning to the others to follow me, I go out.

As I look around to orientate myself and decide which way to proceed, I see a group of three bandits approaching. After we've killed those and descended onto the ground, we kill another three and then a group of five or six. They seem to just wait to be slaughtered. I mean, they can run and shout all right, but I come out of this massacre without a scratch and even Wilaar doesn't look injured.

Under the first rays of the sun, we sneak into the fortress courtyard. By the time we've climbed up onto the rampart, we've brought about a real bloodbath.

The man in the foreground is Lorm. He has chosen to exchange his helmet for one looted from a dead enemy.
The man in the background is Wilaar. The woman between them is Jenassa.

There is only one thing that causes me worry. It's Lorm running ahead of the main group into close contact with the enemies, thereby blocking our shots. That, and our inability to find a way into the fortress interior. There are several staircases going up from the ground, but they all lead to small segments of the ramparts that are not connected to the rest. What kind of a fortress planning is this? How can you properly defend yourself against a siege when men aren't able to move from one part of the defensive wall onto another without descending to the courtyard all the time? And isn't Wilaar supposed to know his way around this place?

We walk around searching for entrances and my irritation is building up, as you can imagine. There's simply no way in. All we find is a group of ten or more enemies on a wall tens of meters above us.

They shout insults and shoot arrows at us, but our arrows hit better. It takes long, because they are in cover while we are in the open, but we get them all by the end. One man falls down, the others' corpses remain up there.

That's it. Now I'm at the end of my wits – and patience. I order Wilaar out of earshot and call a consultation. This sucks, guys, I say. We have killed dozens of men who have never done us any wrong and aren't carrying any equipment we could use. Why are we helping that patronizing fool Wilaar? Of course, I know we didn't come here for Wilaar's sake. We came here because I wanted an adventure. But this is not an adventure. It's shooting fish in a barrel. And the barrel is up on the roof, adds Lydia. I laugh and then I say: seriously, I feel sick when I stop to think about the devastation we've caused without any good reason. Apart from which, this place is a navigational nightmare. We spend 95% of energy on finding our way and 5% on slaughtering those amateurs who barely know by which end to hold the sword. Let's get out of here. There's no excitement in being a butcher.

Nobody objects. We return to the Missing Pauldron Cave and run through it. As we're about to exit at the other end, I notice Wilaar has followed us. What the hell?

I inform Wilaar: I'll have Lorm give you a thorough beating; then you may go to the southwest to the village of Pinewood where you will have to remain for 72 hours; after that you'll be free to travel where you want to, but should you ever see me again, you'd better run away as fast as you can. I tell him he ought to thank me for not leaving him tied up at the fortress gate. I even let him keep his gear. He only has to strip down to the waist so as to make Lorm's job easier. I instruct Lorm to batter him as severely as he can without breaking his legs or arms or otherwise rendering him unable to walk, and then join us in Falkert. I give the girls the sign to follow me and exit the cave.

Lydia says Wilaar probably didn't follow us to pester us. It would have been too dangerous for him to stay near that fortress. He had no choice.

Right. I didn't think of that. But he deserved a beating anyway, for having lured us into killing all those bandits unnecessarily.

My mood is greatly improved by a cordial greeting with Shasien who is leaving Falkert just as we arrive. The innkeeper Valga, however, is in a foul mood. I don't ask why. We just get out of her sight into the bath where we sit and talk in the warm water until Lorm arrives. Lydia and Jenassa prefer to exit the bath with me. Lorm will have to make do with seeing them get dressed.

I set to work on our gear and loot.

The weather is nice and I'm in high spirits by 2 o'clock in the afternoon when I've sold everything I can and we set off for Aurora. Lorm looks like eager to spend some time with me in private before we leave Falkert, but I pretend not to notice anything. With so much loot to get rid of, I won't waste an afternoon on something as unimportant as sex. I can guess I'll be made to pay one way or another when he eventually does get me in private, but right now all I can think of are the many shops in Aurora and Little Vivec.

By the time we're finished trading and hearing all the local news in Aurora, it's already dark, but it's only 7 o'clock in the evening, so I decide we'll go to Northkeep rather than spend the evening here.

The truth is, I realize I've become a little apprehensive of Lorm. That's why I don't want to stay in Aurora, much as I love the place. I don't know what Lorm might put me through when we go to bed. Like, what will I do if he thinks it would be fun to tie me up and whip me? I can't ask him about it beforehand. After all, maybe it has never occurred to him. I don't want to put stupid thoughts into his head. Neither can I make an agreement with him as to where the limits are what he is allowed to do with me and what he isn't – firstly because I don't know exactly where my limits are, and secondly I would no longer be able to respect him, should he agree to abide by my rules. A real man is supposed to sense where my limits are and I have to be able to trust him to take me there at the pace I'm comfortable with. But I don't feel such trust in Lorm the way I trust Yrsarald. I feel Lorm is assuming too much too soon, and I don't know what to do about it.

Apart from which, I really thought Lorm and I had an agreement that in the bedroom he's the master and I do what I'm told, and outside of the bedroom I make the decisions and he is my subordinate. But he's unacceptably undisciplined in combat. By ignoring our combat tactic and charging blindly at the enemy, Lorm risks injury or even death, firstly, because he makes himself an easy target for the enemy, and, secondly, because we may accidentally miss the enemy and hit him. Now, Lorm's death as such is his problem, not ours. A man who acts stupidly has to take the consequences of his stupidity. What is very much our problem, though, is that his recklessness puts the rest of us in greater danger than is necessary. In order to be an efficient battle unit, we all have to watch each other's backs – as well as, mind you, avoid putting ourselves in unnecessary danger, because if one of us gets killed, the others will have less protection. Lorm's playing a hero makes our group less efficient, and I can't put up with that – and, regrettably, I can't make it clear to Lorm.

Worse than that, when we were discussing our plans in Aurora, Lorm started to give me instructions and question my judgment. I think he doesn't quite realize the essential difference of the roles we have in- and outside of bed. Maybe that is something hard to comprehend for a man even though it's crystal clear to me. Lydia understands me, but she doesn't know how to explain it to Lorm either. We talked it over thoroughly in the privacy of our house in Aurora while Lorm thought we were shopping. When I came to that whipping part, Lydia confessed she wouldn't mind being tied up and whipped if it was with a man whom she could feel perfectly safe with. That brought a smile onto my face, but we still failed to come up with a solution. All Lydia could help me with was a promise to watch over me and help me recognize when things between Lorm and me would be about to get really out of hand.

Well, all the above is the reason why I wouldn't spend the night in Aurora. We set out for Northkeep in the evening with unsolved problems weighing heavily on me. I don't think it would be a good idea to stop at the Half-Moon Mill and potentially make things even more complicated.

The lantern-lit road leads us comfortably to Northkeep in less than an hour.

Now, I forgot to tell you earlier that we're generally headed for Rimerock Burrow which is west-northwest of Dragonbridge, but I want to make a little detour via Varlais just in case the filthy rich Pelin Varlais has another lucrative adventure on offer, maybe even something involving elves from whom we can loot powerful elven gear. The point is, as we arrive in Northkeep, it's still not too late and the weather is still fine, so I think it might be a good idea to travel to Varlais tonight. As I've told you, the castle is so big it can't be a problem to accommodate the four of us, and even if it is, Hviterun'll be but a stone's throw away.

We run north along the highway which, as you know, bypasses Lake Ilinalta from the west and then meets the west–east highway. Approaching the Big Northkeep Intersection, I can see a dragon just beyond it. As we keep running, my view is briefly obstructed when the road passes between hills, and then I'm surprised to notice a thick beam of purple and blue energy rising to the sky from a round flat structure that must be one of those dragon burial mounds.

I realize it's that scoundrel Alduin again about to wake up a slumbering dragon. Meaning, he's likely to be invulnerable to our arrows like he was the last time, as well as not to attack us because he has more important things on his mind. Meaning, we can focus on the dragon that is about to awake.

We run closer and kill the rising dragon before he has a chance to take off or attack us. Alduin flies away. I get the dragonsoul and we move on to the east under the meager light of the two moons.

Ignoring the couple of howling wolves somewhere in the darkness, we reach Varlais, enter the castle and let the servants show us a place to sleep.

Tired as I may feel, I arrange an opportunity to talk to Jenassa in private.

Jenassa doesn't think things are ever going to get better between Lorm and me. Not with my character, she says. She agrees completely with my estimation as to the absolute necessity of combat discipline and coordinated action under the unquestioned leadership of one (me). Jenassa is convinced I won't be able to make Lorm toe the line. She says she can totally trust me to kill a man or worse in a fit of rage, but not to consistently keep one obedient.

I know she's right. I don't have the will to tame a headstrong man. I don't have the heart to do it, because being headstrong is what makes them attractive as men and that's why I feel it's a sacrilege to destroy it. Jenassa says she understands it and for that matter she feels the same way, on the whole, and that's why you can't have a man be your military subordinate and your boyfriend at the same time. I disagree with her on the latter point, or you could say I don't want to agree, but I've realized I can't keep Lorm permanently as my follower.

"We're close to Hviterun. Why not invite Mikki to run with us?" says Jenassa. "You always say she deserves an adventure like her sisters have had."

I like the idea. Jenassa knows her well, having lived in Hviterun for many years, and I'd like to try Mikki. Rimerock Burrow would be a perfect opportunity. We've been there once. It's a cave with hostile creatures in it. I can no longer remember exactly who they were, so they can't have been too horrible. And from there we plan on returning to the east, so should it not work out with Mikki, we can travel via Hviterun and exchange her for someone else – or even get Erik from Roriksted and let Mikki return home.

Yeah. That's a good plan, from the logical point of view. There's sadness in my heart, though. If I dismiss Lorm now, things will never be the same between us. But I can't talk to him about my feelings, because that would obviously cause the kind of awkwardness we'd never be able to get rid of. And I can't have Lydia talk to her and pretend I don't know about it because, firstly, she doesn't have the courage to talk to such a man about such things, and, secondly, it would mean letting Lorm know that I have shared details about our intimate moments with an outsider, and men are usually very shocked and hurt to find out women do that. I can't have Jenassa talk to Lorm either, because she can't really talk with a non-elven man from heart to heart and she doesn't believe any talking would make Lorm mend his ways anyway.

All in all, there's only one thing I can do – let Lorm go. I'll do it tomorrow. And I guess I've wasted more than enough of your time with this topic, so – good night.




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Always Lost, Always Hopeful (102) Boredom and Excitement

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-201-11-27 02:52
Lorm's House, Aurora, Falkreath, Skyrim


I reach out with my hand and touch Lorm down there. Just curious. It's soft. I take my hand away, pull the blanket aside and lie myself onto him.

"Good morning, dear," I say as he wakes up. I give him a gentle kiss and get out of bed. He grabs my wrist and won't let go.

I look at him and raise my eyebrows. "You want something from me?" I ask, imitating the haughty intonation of the High Elves. Then my eye falls onto his penis. It's rock-hard. Seriously? I watch it with unbelieving awe. I know, in principle, that men usually have a hard-on when they wake up (don't ask me why), but I can't help being amazed by it every time.

Lorm's hands motion me to lie down onto my side. Guess the rest of his body isn't so eager for physical exercise so early.

"I'm cold," I say as the blanket slides onto the floor.

"I'm not."

So I lie there and let him do his thing. I'm in no hurry anywhere, especially this early, so I won't mind if it should last long enough for me to come too.

It doesn't, but at least I'm no longer cold. After he has pulled out, I turn around to cuddle, but Lorm is already getting out of bed. I grab his forearm with both hands, but he just stands up and I get pulled along. I place my arms around him and hug him tightly. My mouth is reaching out for his. He bends his head down and we kiss passionately.

While we're getting dressed, quickly as professionals, I think I really ought to talk to Lorm about his behavior last night, but I don't know what to say.

Then I step up to him, put my hand under his clothes and grab his balls. Squeezing ever so lightly, I look him in the eye and say "Don't forget I'm the boss."

"Of course," he replies with the subtlest hint of a smug grin. Still looking me in the eye, he slowly takes a step back and I have to let go in order to not hurt him. While he tidies his clothing, I quite unnecessarily adjust my hair and then put my helmet on. As I turn my back on Lorm, he slaps my butt and says: "Lead the way, boss". I hurry to get out the door lest I turn around, drop down on my knees and start sucking him.

I've got to find a moment and tell Lorm he absolutely has to behave when we're in Windhelm, and that it's really very serious and non-negotiable. I won't jeopardize my relationship with Yrsarald, not even for Lorm's sake.

But that's a long way away. Right now, we're going to Falkert. I know that if we go by road, we'll arrive hours before the people we need to see are up and working. I therefore decide to go through the Shriekwind Bastion, the northern entrance of which is right outside Aurora, whereas the southern entrance, as you may remember, is high on the mountainside overlooking Falkert. Maybe it's just a couple of caves with trolls, but maybe we'll get lucky and be able to kill two or three hours there, arriving in Falkert when the shops will have already opened.

I've also been thinking that if that "praefect" Wilaar is still in Falkert, I want to do that adventure he asked me to participate in. I'm mildly fed up with the familiar locations in Skyrim and want to experience something different.

But first the Shriekwind Bastion. It's a dungeon, so it doesn't matter that it's still nighttime.

As I thought, it's inhabited by draugrs, as well as an odd vampire. What I didn't expect is the open space in the middle with several levels of stairways and openings going gods know how high.

I have the distinct premonition that we won't be out of here in two or three hours.

Indeed, as we grind our way forward, we climb higher and higher, and help the undead back into death, and have to go through gratings that apparently have switches hidden somewhere in this maze, and I'm decidedly not in the mood for going and exploring every nook and cranny for those switches. That said, I do try to find one switch in vain, and then I just ask Bardslayer to open those damned things for me and he doesn't need to be begged. We're thinking along the same lines here.

Eventually we reach a hall from which we really can't find a way forward. The Clairvoyance  spell seems to be leading us back to the entrance near Aurora. Screw that! Wild horses couldn't drag me all that boring way back to the same bloody nothern entrance. So Bardslayer teleports us to the platform outside the southern entrance, me first.

I see a skeleton nearby. I can't be bothered with the bow. I just grab my dagger and run to the skeleton to hack him in pieces. A moment later a dragon arrives.

We kill it and with his last breath he disappears behind the mountains and falls down dead somewhere on the other side. Well, screw him and his soul! We're going to Falkert.

It's half past nine already. We descend along the same creek as the last time. I make jumps that might be just a little too dangerous. Then we wash ourselves under the waterfall and arrive in the town in a more or less amicable mood.

I tell the girls to show Lorm around while I visit Nuri at the Ayleid Artifacts shop to bring him the Welkynd Stones. He is very happy and gives me a really cool sword as a reward. Nice. Maybe I'll become an Ayleid fan myself someday.

I walk around saying hello to a couple of guards I don't know and have a friendly chat with Lod the blacksmith. When I step into the inn, my heart leaps upon the sight of a Khajiit man. I've seen him here before.
I order a drink and ask the proprietress Valga about him. She says he's a traveler and his name is Shasien.
I hesitate, but then think "What the heck?" and step up to him and say hello. "How can I assist?" he asks. I already know it to be a common Khajiit politeness. I sit down with my drink and introduce myself and he does the same.
Greatly worried that Lorm might enter any moment, I ask Shasien questions about him, trying to sound as friendly as possible. To my great relief, he doesn't take long to suggest we take a room. (Or, come to think of it, it was not really a great mental feat. What else would a woman come to sit at a man's table for?)
However, I don't want Lorm to return in the meantime and see me come out of a room with Shasien. That's why I suggest we go to the abandoned shop across the street. (It has to be empty at this hour of the day, because the dead shopkeeper's brother is working at the sawmill.)
I ask the maid Narri to look outside and make sure there's no sight of Lorm. Telling Shasien to follow me casually in two minutes, I leap across the street, unlock the door and enter. When he arrives, I lock up behind us and we go upstairs.
I am not disappointed. My new-found awesome furry mate gives me a long and most pleasurable treatment.

Too bad he doesn't want to stay for a cuddle and a chat afterwards, though. He seems to think that a woman who jumps in the sack with him so easily isn't worth his attention. Or maybe I did something wrong? This is only my second time with a Khajiit.
Whatever. I'm happy regardless. I love Khajiits. Yeah, I know I've told you that many times already.
Shasien leaves. Five minutes later I exit the shop.

It has started to rain. My followers are in the taproom. Narri gives me a joyful wink behind Lorm's back. Evidently he is not suspecting anything. Careful not to look in Shasien's direction, I sit down next to Lorm. We chat a little, the four of us, until Wilaar comes out of his room. He stops and looks at us uneasily. I nod and motion him to sit down with us.

Thanks to Lorm being present, Wilaar refrains from lame witticisms this time, which makes him actually bearable. He informs us the passage through the mountains that leads to the bandit fortress is called Halldir's Cairn and lies just a little way southwest of Falkert.

We leave at half past two in the afternoon and head for the road southwest. Halldir's Cairn is almost on the roadside. Now Wilaar thinks the time is right to tell us that this cave is occupied by some other bandits whom we need to kill in order to get through.

Well, let's go in then.

Holy cow... As soon as we've entered, the enemies are all over us and they're everywhere. My followers are also everywhere. So I do the only thing I can – ready my bow, find a position where I can hit an enemy without hitting an ally, and shoot. And repeat, many times. Pure routine, really. It's something of a chaos, but without any panic on our part this time. Gradually the enemies get fewer and then they're all dead and we're all alive, Wilaar just barely. But he can walk, so we move on, to find more bandits in next caves.

I've told Lorm to stay behind me and not rush into the thick of it, but as soon as I engage the enemy, he dashes past me. He just can't keep his distance. Once he runs into my fireline so fast I can't avoid shooting an arrow into his back. I guess I won't give him his crap armor back after all. I need him alive, no matter how ridiculous he may look in a Vampire Armor. And looking a little ridiculous serves him right for treating me like a slavegirl.

As to Wilaar, he's a completely pointless jerk. But at least he knows the layout of this area which, in case you want to know, is called Missing Pauldron Cave.

Leaving the cave, we arrive in a large valley between what Wilaar says sare called Jerall Mountains. Across the valley is a really very big fortress.

At Wilaar's suggestion, we first clear the mine which is in the farther end of the valley next to a small lake, and then the signal tower somewhat away from the main gate.

One of the bandits outside the signal tower (after we looted his corpse).

In the latter, there are sleeping cots. Although it's only 8 in the evening, I decide we'll get some sleep and continue attacking the enemy in the early morning, before the sunrise.



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