Always Lost, Always Hopeful (54) Yeah, Whatever

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-10-10 08:19
Canal House, Bitchen, The Rift, Skyrim


I open my eyes and see Marcurio's face. He gently places one of his knees between my legs and I spread them. He sticks it in and I raise my legs to help him get deeper. Still half asleep, I notice the sounds of my followers preparing breakfast downstairs. I wonder if they can hear us. I bet they are listening carefully, inquisitive minxes as they are.

You might ask what difference does it make if I'm going to tell them every detail anyway. I don't know. I just feel better when I'm behind closed doors, so when I do tell them, I can be sure or at least believe they don't actually know  it happened the way I'm telling them.

Yes, I know it's silly of me to worry about such things.

By the time Marcurio comes, I'm fully awake. With a deep sigh, he rests the full weight of his body on top of me. I place my legs around him and try to pull him into me. Just a little more and I'll have an orgasm too. No, I'm not that lucky this morning. His convulsions inside of me stop before I reach the top. Marcurio makes a move to climb off me. I hug him with my legs and arms as strongly as I can, and he remains where he is. He kisses me and I eagerly suck on his tongue. Then we just lie there until I realize we'd better get dressed before one of the girls comes upstairs under the pretext of telling us the breakfast is ready. I let my legs and arms drop, Marcurio unmounts me and we put our clothes on.

After we've eaten, we ascend to the street level where we say goodbye to Marcurio. Me and my followers exit the city proper, walk to the lake and have a refreshing bath far away from prying eyes. Then we head north, towards Windhelm. The weather is grim,

but by the time we reach Shor, the sun has come out.

Wow. Pretty.

The blacksmith Filnjar tells us the local mine is infested with giant spiders, which is why no one can get in. It's a real economic disaster for the village. So we go in and kill the spiders. After we've reported to Filnjar, a nice woman Sylgja asks us to deliver a message to her parents who are none other than Verner and Annekke in Darkwater. Then we head north. We'll go first to Vernim Wood, then to Windhelm and take the ship to Ravenrock one more time.

On our way to Vernim Wood, we discuss our experiences from last night. I begin to think – do we really have to go against Miraak? I mean, I'm not exactly short of dragonsouls and it's not like I have much use for them. Even if Miraak should keep stealing every second dragonsoul on a regular basis, it won't be such a big deal.

On the intersection where the road coming from south meets the east-west road from Vernim Wood to Darkwater, we see a massive imp patrol. They are very alert, waiting for an attack. On the outskirts of Vernim Wood, the mood is much more relaxed. Three jolly fellows are having something like a picnic and jovially invite us to join them for a drink. Thank you, maybe next time.

Now, if we are not traveling to Solstheim today, should we proceed north to Kynesgrove and Windhelm, or west to Darkwater?

I realize I'm kind of tired of awfully important things. Let's just walk around in this nice region a bit and go to Darkwater and deliver Sylgja's letter. We won't find any roses to smell, but we can still relax a little.

As we walk to the west, towards that Dwemer ruin, I remember about our buddy the peaceful giant. I begin to think that we ought to give him a name. Giants don't have names. For all I know, they can't even speak. But we're going to name this one even if he won't be able to understand it. Not a common name. A name that doesn't sound like anything you could encounter in Skyrim. How about Billy? Yeah, say the girls, why not Billy. Sounds cute enough and exotic enough.

So, folks, that's Billy:

I didn't want to get too close, in case he won't like his new name after all.  ;-)
I mean, he may not understand we want to be his friends, so we'd better not disturb him.
I'll try and get a better picture next time.

I'm playing with the thought of staying here for a week or two:

On second thought, we'd probably end up having to kill an awful lot of bears, which is why it's probably not such a good idea.

In Darkwater, we give Sylgja's letter to Verner. He gives us a letter to bring back to her. We're headed north, though. Since we're so conveniently close to Fort Amol right now, this is a suitable moment to get that anxiety off my chest.

We leave Darkwater. Having crossed the bridge west of the village, we run along the road to the north. Soon I see the fort ahead. We sneak closer as carefully as we can and manage to kill everyone in the courtyard with very little damage to ourselves. "Everyone in the courtyard" – that means everyone not already dead. There are several corpses lying here and there. I dread to imagine what they may have been doing to this one:

We also clear the interiors full of frightening wizards. It requires utmost concentration and discipline from us, but it's not all that dangerous after all. Then, as the sun is setting, we run northwards again, to reach Windhelm tonight.

Almost halfway between Mixwater Mill and Windhelm, we see a half-circle-shaped structure guarded by a dog. When it attacks us, I realize it's as tall as a human being. Now that's a shock. We kill it all right, but we're dumbfound by the experience.

The ice spikes from my followers' magic staffs are too much for him,
and I also do my share with my enchanted dagger.
Those exotic-looking gauntlets are from Solstheim.

The structure is called Secret Enclave. Can't be very secret, built on one of Skyrim's main roads. Something tells me not to go in there. It's getting late anyway, so we'd better just proceed to Windhelm and leave adventures for tomorrow.

I suddenly become aware of the girls staring at me like they're worried about something. "What is it, Laura?" asks Rayya. "Why are you looking at me like this?"

"What do you mean, Rayya?" Um... I feel kind of confused. Have I been daydreaming or something? I look around. Everything is normal. The road. The river. The dead giant dog. The... door. I look away quickly.

"Let's just go to Windhelm, okay?" says Lydia.

Yeah, sure. I take a quick look at myself to verify I'm wearing everything I'm supposed to. Then we start walking. The girls keep very close to me. They seem like holding themselves back not to support me under the arms. I find it funny. Then I begin to wonder if something strange really happened to me. I'm reluctant to ask the girls. Instead, I try to pretend everything is normal, and ask what's with that "4th Era" thing? Why do we say we're having the year 201 of the 4th Era ?

They tell me about the Oblivion Crisis. Oblivion – that's a realm outside of our universe where the daedras live. The emperor Martin Septim saved the world from the daedras, but lost his life in the process. He was the last Septim emperor, that's why his death is considered the beginning of a new era. The 3rd era began when Tiber Septim united the whole known world into the Empire, and it ended when the Septim dynasty died out.

The history lesson does me good. By the time we reach Windhelm, I'm completely back to my usual almost-sensible self. We go to report to Aventus first. I tell him I killed Grelod and he is jumping up and down with joy. I'm very delighted too that everything turned out so well.

It's past 10 in the evening. The shops have already closed, of course, but I can do my crafting without being disturbed. It's almost 2 o'clock by the time I finish. My boyfriend Yrsarald has already gone to sleep and I don't dare disturb him. I figure now is the right time to make love to Rayya, about which I've been fantasizing for a long time – and so has she, I've no doubt of that.

We do it in our house. It's much too cold to let Lydia and Jenassa wait outside, so I just ask them to be very quiet in the other room and close the bedroom door. Then Rayya and I get naked and caress each other on that wonderful fur of some big animal in front of the bed.

It's probably not much to look at, but our minds are filled with gentleness and intimacy. We reach a kind of profound emotional connection you can never have with a man. Well, I mean, you absolutely can have deep closeness with a man, but in a completely different way. Never mind, I'm too tired to explain. It's almost morning when I lie down on the bed, exhausted. When I feel Rayya's breasts pressing against my back, I smile without opening my eyes and fall asleep happily. This isn't exactly a double bed, but we'll manage.



next awakening

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (7) Pleasing Myself and Others

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
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previous day






4-201-08-23 08:23
Uthgerd's House, Hviterun, Whiterun, Skyrim


I summon my followers and we head for the Silent Moons Camp to destroy another group of bandits.

That gang is a little tougher, but my group has grown stronger and we kill the bandits without much difficulty.

Today is my lucky day!

They have a mysterious smithing forge which allows you to craft weapons that absorb health from your enemies at nighttime. Or was it at full moon? Doesn't matter, I don't really care for such lunacy.

In a short distance to the southwest, there's another bandit nest called Redoran's Retreat. That's where we might find the sword stolen from Amren. I was told in Hviterun he had a bad conflict with his wife Saffir... okay, sorry. I meant to say we are going to check that place out before returning to the city for the night.

Around noon, we arrive at a cliff overlooking the entrance of Redoran's Retreat. There is no one about.

Excuse me? You don't even have sentries outside? Guess we'll have to take you by surprise inside then.

We enter the cave and encounter a few bandits whom my followers kill quickly. I'm growing really uncomfortable with having to do practically nothing apart from choosing where to go. However, with the chief of those bandits, I get a chance to prove to myself that I'm not entirely useless. I bring him close to death with two shots and I would certainly kill him with the third if it wasn't for Vera who runs past me a split-second before I release my shot and gets my arrow into her back. I speak very sternly with her afterwards. I explain to Vera that I don't give a rat's ass about time-honored Skyrim fighting traditions. She doesn't need to prove her manhood, I tell her. She needs to work as a member of our team.

Vera seems to understand.

Too bad all the bandits were much too aggressive to be captured and interrogated, but we find a sword that looks like the one Amren described, and the spell indicates it's stolen, so I'm taking it with me to show Amren.

On our way to Hviterun, we pass by two giant camps with mammoths and we make sure to keep our distance from them. Lydia informs me giants keep mammoths as domestic animals.

Back in the city, I notice I'm really filthy, so I have a bath at The Bannered Mare. When you rent a room, the use of the bath is included, but bathing alone costs 1/3 of the room rate.

After bath, I have a little chat with Olfina Gray-Mane, Thorald's sister:

Jon Battle-Born notices us. By now I've had a chance to learn that I am nowhere near the only woman whom he always greets with a bright smile and disarming cheerfulness. He and Olfina clearly don't care about the conflict between their families – which still doesn't keep her from rebuffing his suggestive wisecrack with a witty retort, apparently a habitual occurrence between the two.

I head upstairs to see if Saadia has mended her ways. She has. No more daggers. She tells me a story of political intrigue which may be true or not. I don't care all that much. What I care about more is that I'm a thane of Whiterun now, that is a member of the local government. I have a responsibility to do my part in keeping public order here. I can't just deliver an inhabitant of Hviterun to some shady outsiders. What she has or hasn't done in a foreign country called Hammerfell is none of my concern.

However, that doesn't mean that I will kill those so-called warriors for her. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I haven't made up my mind yet.

I go to the palace to report on the destruction of the Silent Moons Camp bandits and get my reward.

Then I meet Ysolda on the street. Once again she talks so sweetly to me, and once again I find her charms irresistible. I ask her if she has a boyfriend. She says she hasn't found anyone suitable. Besides, she feels like having some adventures before settling down. Unfortunately, she is not a warrior like me, but she imagines the life of a traveling merchant can be very fascinating as well.

I take a chance inviting her to my house, and succeed in luring her into bed with me. It's wonderful.

It's probably because my higher self is male that I'm bisexual. I generally much prefer to have a strong man towering above me, but every now and then I find myself fancying one or another attractive woman.

In general, lesbian sex is looked upon very badly. I mean, you don't get stoned to death or anything, but people find it shocking. Sex between a man and a woman is something they can at least understand – that's what people do, it's how we all came to be. But two women getting naked and caressing each other's bodies is something decent people just aren't supposed to do.
However, the beautiful thing is that when you make love to a woman in a house one of you owns, your (and her) reputation doesn't suffer at all. It may seem illogical first, but it isn't.
The thing is, people can't see through walls. When you spend time with a man behind closed doors, people won't actually know what it is you do. All they know is that you lock yourself in, just the two of you, for a sufficiently long time to have sex, so they assume you're up to no good. But a woman visiting another woman in her house is something perfectly normal. When it's in your room at an inn – now, that can set tongues wagging. With a follower, you don't need to worry even about that, because followers, male or female, can be expected to be near you at any time.
Outdoors sex within settlements is, in turn, always risky, because in that case sex is precisely what people can see. No matter how secluded you believe a place to be, you are never 100% safe from children playing hide-and-seek, assiduous guards and such. It's only away from settlements where you can have careless intimacy outdoors.
Unsurprisingly, people are more relaxed about sex in cities than in small villages where everybody knows everybody, but the principles are the same everywhere – as far as I know.

I'm sorry for bothering you with all this, but one needs to keep those things in mind all the time. A woman has to be very careful to not come across as a slut.

Ysolda kisses me goodbye and goes home to sleep. I can't do the same, profoundly happy and relaxed as I may be. I want to take care of that Battle-Born business tonight.

That's the house.

Right now, it's too early, though – quarter past 11. I want to wait at least another hour, to make sure the people in the house are sleeping when I break in. So I walk around in the city and pay a visit to the guard barracks. There's a guard or two who are quite likeable, but I think I prefer Avulstein. I feel kind of sorry for him, and the way he looked at me yesterday, I have no doubt he desires me. Either that or he hasn't had any for a long time. Let's presume the former, okay?

On my way to the House of Clan Battle-Born, I step into the temple of Kynareth. There are several sick people here they are evidently taking care of. The priestess Danica is not yet sleeping. She asks me if I noticed the big tree outside. It's called Gildergreen and it's holy. It stems from an ancient tree called Eldergleam which was blessed by the goddess Kynareth herself. Gildergreen was planted as a seedling in the early days of Hviterun. Unfortunately, it's dying. Danica believes that in order to revive it, she needs some sap from its parent tree. And the sap can only be obtained by using a very special knife called Nettlebane and it's in a place called Orphan Rock south-southeast of Riverwood.

I don't understand much of Danica's explanation, but I promise I'll try to get that magical knife for her. Then I leave the temple and head for my destination along an empty and quiet street.

My break-in is a complete success. It takes time to search the place and I'm very scared, but I finally find a letter that contains information on Thorald. He is (possibly) kept prisoner in Northwatch Keep, a place unknown to me. No matter. Avulstein will probably know where it is. I'll visit him in the morning.

I return home and go to sleep, very pleased with myself.



next awakening






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