Always Lost, Always Hopeful (17) Knocking on Death's Doors

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-09-02 05:06
Four Shields Tavern, Dragonbridge, Haafingar, Skyrim


I do the smithing and reequip my followers. When I'm ready, the time is half past 6. I absolutely want to sell my excess loot. So I walk around, waiting for the shops to open at 8. There aren't many passersby this early, and from the patrolling guards I hear nothing of interest.

Returning from the marketplace on the other (eastern) side of the river, I step into the alchemy shop called "Athragar's Antidotes". The shopkeeper, a man seemingly in his late 20s, is friendly and polite and talks to me with a perfectly neutral tone – except that when we has packed my purchases and hands them to me, he asks: "Wanna stay the night?"
"What??" I must have misheard.
"Are you going to stay the night in Dragonbridge?" he asks like nothing is out of the ordinary.
"I just did." I eye Athragar suspiciously, but he looks completely normal and shows no intention of leaping around the counter and assaulting me.
"Great." He smiles. "Looking forward to seeing you again."
I don't know what to reply and leave the alchemy shop greatly confused.

My followers are waiting for me at the other end of the village, where the road to Solitude starts (behind us in the next picture).

At 9, we leave for Lost Echo Cave. Half an hour later, we see a thalmor patrol on the road. We give them a wide berth. They pay no attention to us.

I remember something I forgot to ask last night: why did the Nords give up family names in the first place?
The girls explain me that the Nords hold that the other people's attitude to one must not depend on whether or not he has famous ancestors. It's only your own character and achievements that matter.
However, there are only so many personal names, and the society needs a way of telling people with the same first name apart. Patronyms are the optimal way for achieving that. Of course it can happen that two people have the same personal name and the same fathersname, but it's not too frequent. Nords have a great variety of personal names and keep inventing new ones.
"But adding the patronym to the personal name is still considered more respectful than the personal name alone," I say. "As you told me last night. Meaning, your respectability still kind of depends on who your father is."
"No. It's simply that we need some kind of a polite address and you can't call people Mr. or Mrs. So-and-so when they don't have a family name," explains Lydia.
Right. That makes sense. "But what about addressing the jarls?"
"The jarls are addressed only as Jarl Balgruuf or Jarl Siddgeir because the word "Jarl" carries more deference than the patronym," says Jenassa. "However, in history books you can absolutely see things like Jarl Balgruuf Roliandsson ."
"To distinguish him from other Jarl Balgruufs?"
"Exactly."
Got it. Thanks.

I think we're getting close to our destination now – which is not that structure with huge stone arches, not unlike Bleak Falls Barrow, in the distance somewhat off our course.

I won't bother to go and take a closer look. Navigation between mountains is hard enough without making detours.

Soon we reach the Lost Echo Cave, which is inhabited mostly by Falmers, but the most dangerous opponents are chauruses, insect-shaped creatures about the size of humans.

As I've told you, I've ordered my followers to not attack enemies until they attack us or I start a combat. The problem still remains that when the enemies are very near, my girls switch from bows to melee weapons and then necessarily engage the enemies at close range. That makes it virtually impossible for me to shoot at the enemies, because everybody moves around so fast that I would be just as likely to hit an ally as to hit an enemy. Drawing my sword and going into the thick of it would be even more pointless and dangerous. I just don't have a chance keeping up with properly trained fighters. Therefore, I have chosen a different tactic – I run past the combatants whenever possible, and engage the next enemies nearby, and if there are none, I turn around to the main group and shoot the enemies in the back whenever I can.

Of course, it would be safer for me to just stay behind my followers and rely on their speed and coordination which is far superior to mine. But I can't do that. I always feel I have to protect them.

That's why I get very close to death in one situation in Lost Echo Cave when we have to fight four or five chauruses at the same time. What luck that I'm on level 29 already, meaning that my health is about 4 times higher than it was in the beginning! Still, I have to remember to be more careful.

The Falmers are fierce, but they don't really have a chance against the four of us. Having killed all the enemies, we find that Welkynd Stone for Nuri and take a shortcut out.

Back outside, I hesitate between turning left and turning right. Our next stop Northwatch Keep is directly behind us, in the northwest. The straight path would require us to go through or fly over steep mountains. That being impossible, I must decide whether to head north or west. We have 4 or 5 hours of daylight left. It should be enough if we don't get (too) lost.

I decide to take the road north, hoping we'll be able to get close to the ocean, descend and then proceed westwards along the coast.

It works exactly as planned. In fact, it's merely an hour later that we're already on the hills overlooking Northwatch Keep:

This is too far to aim properly. So we sneak closer. We can see a guard on the rampart. I think he's even seeing us, but he isn't getting hostile, because he doesn't know we have thoughts of attacking him. Thanks to that, I succeed in killing him with a few shots.

We have to get closer still to get a shot at the guard who is standing on the ground just outside the gate. He's all alone. And now he's no more.

After that, things get a little confused. Two men in the fortress courtyard have realized something is going on. When we have killed them, we go into the yard ourselves and kill two or three more guards. Then it's time for us to enter the actual fort.

Now, that's a nightmare. There are archers and mages, and they are very strong, and there are many of them. It's more luck than skill that keeps us from getting slaughtered by those merciless fiends. After a horrible nerve-racking skirmish, the main group of enemies is finally dead.

A burnt corpse, apparently a victim of the thalmors.

We find Thorald, chained to a wall and interrogated by a thalmor. We kill the interrogator and free Thorald. There are cells with prisoners inside, but they all have master-level (this means extremely complicated) locks. I manage to open only two, breaking many lockpicks in the process. When I'm down to 8 lockpicks, I decide there's no point wasting those as well. I simply don't stand a chance. We leave the last prisoners and exit this terrible place through the back door. Thorald thanks me profusely and says he'll go into hiding. Returning to Hviterun would be too dangerous – that's the first place they'd go looking for him. He asks me to let her mother know he's safe:

Then he leaves and we are left in the midst of the massacre we have brought about.

The guards we killed were carrying amazing gear. We all get stronger (and better-looking) armors. In that other thalmor outpost, Fort Masser, we acquired two very strong bows. Now we have half a dozen of them. Zephyr, the bow I got from Arkngthamz, is still better, but I can now give bows with a very strong shock enchantment to all my followers. (Enchantment means that a weapon is magically enhanced, so it has a special effect in addition to the regular damage of that type of weapon. I'll tell you more about enchanting some other time.)

It's dark already, so we'll spend the night here. There are sleeping mats in the courtyard. They'll be adequate. I'll rather endure a little cold than go back inside that dreadful fortress.



next awakening

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (7) Pleasing Myself and Others

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-08-23 08:23
Uthgerd's House, Hviterun, Whiterun, Skyrim


I summon my followers and we head for the Silent Moons Camp to destroy another group of bandits.

That gang is a little tougher, but my group has grown stronger and we kill the bandits without much difficulty.

Today is my lucky day!

They have a mysterious smithing forge which allows you to craft weapons that absorb health from your enemies at nighttime. Or was it at full moon? Doesn't matter, I don't really care for such lunacy.

In a short distance to the southwest, there's another bandit nest called Redoran's Retreat. That's where we might find the sword stolen from Amren. I was told in Hviterun he had a bad conflict with his wife Saffir... okay, sorry. I meant to say we are going to check that place out before returning to the city for the night.

Around noon, we arrive at a cliff overlooking the entrance of Redoran's Retreat. There is no one about.

Excuse me? You don't even have sentries outside? Guess we'll have to take you by surprise inside then.

We enter the cave and encounter a few bandits whom my followers kill quickly. I'm growing really uncomfortable with having to do practically nothing apart from choosing where to go. However, with the chief of those bandits, I get a chance to prove to myself that I'm not entirely useless. I bring him close to death with two shots and I would certainly kill him with the third if it wasn't for Vera who runs past me a split-second before I release my shot and gets my arrow into her back. I speak very sternly with her afterwards. I explain to Vera that I don't give a rat's ass about time-honored Skyrim fighting traditions. She doesn't need to prove her manhood, I tell her. She needs to work as a member of our team.

Vera seems to understand.

Too bad all the bandits were much too aggressive to be captured and interrogated, but we find a sword that looks like the one Amren described, and the spell indicates it's stolen, so I'm taking it to show Amren.

On our way to Hviterun, we pass by two giant camps with mammoths and we make sure to keep our distance from them. Lydia informs me giants keep mammoths as domestic animals.

Back in the city, I notice I'm really filthy, so I have a bath at The Bannered Mare. When you rent a room, the use of the bath is included, but bathing alone costs 1/3 of the room rate.

After bath, I have a little chat with Olfina Gray-Mane, Thorald's sister:

Jon Battle-Born notices us. By now I've had a chance to learn that I am nowhere near the only woman whom he always greets with a bright smile and disarming cheerfulness. He and Olfina clearly don't care about the conflict between their families – which still doesn't keep her from rebuffing his suggestive wisecrack with a witty retort, apparently a habitual occurrence between the two.

I head upstairs to see if Saadia has mended her ways. She has. No more daggers. She tells me a story of political intrigue which may be true or not. I don't care all that much. What I care about more is that I'm a thane of Whiterun now, that is a member of the local government. I have a responsibility to do my part in keeping public order here. I can't just deliver an inhabitant of Hviterun to some shady outsiders. What she has or hasn't done in a foreign country called Hammerfell is none of my concern.

However, that doesn't mean that I will kill those so-called warriors for her. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I haven't made up my mind yet.

I go to the palace to report on the destruction of the Silent Moons Camp bandits and get my reward.

Then I meet Ysolda on the street. Once again she talks so sweetly to me, and once again I find her charms irresistible. I ask her if she has a boyfriend. She says she hasn't found anyone suitable. Besides, she feels like having some adventures before settling down. Unfortunately, she is not a warrior like me, but she imagines the life of a traveling merchant can be very fascinating as well.

I take a chance inviting her to my house, and succeed in luring her into bed with me. It's wonderful.

It's probably because my higher self is male that I'm bisexual. I generally much prefer to have a strong man towering above me, but every now and then I find myself fancying one or another attractive woman.

In general, lesbian sex is looked upon very badly. I mean, you don't get stoned to death or anything, but people find it shocking. Sex between a man and a woman is something they can at least understand – that's what people do, it's how we all came to be. But two women getting naked and caressing each other's bodies is something decent people just aren't supposed to do.
However, the beautiful thing is that when you make love to a woman in a house one of you owns, your (and her) reputation doesn't suffer at all. It may seem illogical first, but it isn't.
The thing is, people can't see through walls. When you spend time with a man behind closed doors, people won't actually know what it is you do. All they know is that you lock yourself in, just the two of you, for a sufficiently long time to have sex, so they assume you're up to no good. But a woman visiting another woman in her house is something perfectly normal. When it's in your room at an inn – now, that can set tongues wagging. With a follower, you don't need to worry even about that, because followers, male or female, can be expected to be near you at any time.
Outdoors sex within settlements is, in turn, always risky, because in that case sex is precisely what people can see. No matter how secluded you believe a place to be, you are never 100% safe from children playing hide-and-seek, assiduous guards and such. It's only away from settlements where you can have careless intimacy outdoors.
Unsurprisingly, people are more relaxed about sex in cities than in small villages where everybody knows everybody, but the principles are the same everywhere – as far as I know.

I'm sorry for bothering you with all this, but one needs to keep those things in mind all the time. A woman has to be very careful to not come across as a slut.

Ysolda kisses me goodbye and goes home to sleep. I can't do the same, profoundly happy and relaxed as I may be. I want to take care of that Battle-Born business tonight.

That's the house.

Right now, it's too early, though – quarter past 11. I want to wait at least another hour, to make sure the people in the house are sleeping when I break in. So I walk around in the city and pay a visit to the guard barracks. There's a guard or two who are quite likeable, but I think I prefer Avulstein. I feel kind of sorry for him, and the way he looked at me yesterday, I have no doubt he desires me. Either that or he hasn't had any for a long time. Let's presume the former, okay?

On my way to the House of Clan Battle-Born, I step into the temple of Kynareth. There are several sick people here they are evidently taking care of. The priestess Danica is not yet sleeping. She asks me if I noticed the big tree outside. It's called Gildergreen and it's holy. It stems from an ancient tree called Eldergleam which was blessed by the goddess Kynareth. Gildergreen was planted as a seedling in the early days of Hviterun. Unfortunately, it's dying. Danica believes that in order to revive it, she needs some sap from its parent tree. And the sap can only be obtained by using a very special knife called Nettlebane and it's in a place called Orphan Rock south-southeast of Riverwood.

I don't understand much of Danica's explanation, but I promise I'll try to get that magical knife for her. Then I leave the temple and head for my destination along an empty and quiet street.

My break-in is a complete success. It takes time to search the place and I'm very scared, but I finally find a letter that contains information on Thorald. He is (possibly) kept prisoner in Northwatch Keep, a place unknown to me. No matter. Avulstein will probably know where it is. I'll visit him in the morning.

I return home and go to sleep, very pleased with myself.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (6) Revered, But Not by Everyone

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
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previous day






4-201-08-22 09:55
The Bannered Mare, Hviterun, Whiterun, Skyrim


I've slept pretty late this morning. I must hurry to the palace to report on the city guards' sensational fight against the dragon last night. Of course I need to take a bath first. I can't appear in front of a jarl looking any old how, can I?

When I'm ready to depart for the palace, all fresh and clean and shining, it just happens that Saadia, the inn's serving girl crosses my path. A Redguard. I can't help stopping and mentioning to her that some Redguard warriors are looking for a Redguard woman.

Guess what? She goes all pale. Well, maybe not so pale, but she looks quite panicked. It's pretty obvious she's the one those men are after.

Saadia asks me to come into her room upstairs. There she pulls out a dagger and hisses threats at me. I calmly tell her to put the dagger away before she gets hurt. She says she's sorry, and would I help her please, and she has no one else she can trust. Well, are you hard of hearing, bitch? I told you to put the dagger away.

I leave her trembling, and go to the palace. The encounters with Lucia and Heimskr put me back into good mood. I've heard that some people find Heimskr annoying. Me, I think his enthusiasm is so cute. He's like the mascot of Hviterun.

At the palace, they are somewhat reproachful because I took so long. Nevertheless, I am told that I am indeed that mythical hero Dragonborn. I also learn that the strange thunder from yesterday means I'm supposed to go – without delay, naturally – to a place called Throat of the World to meet a group of holy wise men called the Greybeards who appear to have some plans with me. The people in the palace say it to me with great many words, but I'll spare you the mythology.

On a more tangible note, Jarl Balgruuf appoints me a thane of Whiterun which is not only a great honor but I also get assigned a woman named Lydia Soransdotter as my housecarl (that is, an eagerly devoted bodyguard).

I also learn that the fortress ruin we saw on our way to the Halted Stream Camp is called Silent Moons Camp and there's another bandit gang residing there and the jarl wants them eliminated too, now that the first group of bandits is out of the way. I wonder why can't the city guards do it and I'm explained that they are needed to defend the city and keep public order. When a jarl wants a gang of bandits destroyed, he issues a bounty letter  promising a reward called bounty  to whomever who accomplishes the task. That's how it works in Skyrim.

Fine. Maybe we'll do that tomorrow.

I ask the court wizard Farengar if he can tell me something about that Dragonborn and Greybeards business. He can't, apart from the legend, the summary of which I just heard. However, he seems to be reluctant to let me go, so he mentions there's a mages' college in Winterhold which I can join if I'm interested in magic. Great. Thanks.

Now I go to check out that new bodyguard of mine.

Lydia is not very respectful. I mean, I didn't exactly expect her to fall on her knees, but such familiarity is kind of inappropriate, considering my new exalted status. Admittedly, I've never been much for ritual and protocol, but the theory is that if we're going to do dangerous things together, she is supposed to obey my orders.

That said, Lydia looks like a strong and formidable fighter. Don't get me wrong. She's still quite feminine. She's nothing like that Uthgerd person. Lydia – I'm having the feeling that once we've gotten to know each other a little better, she can be a perfect companion for slaying bad people together as well as sharing my worries and regrets afterwards. Jenassa is just too different for us to ever become really close friends.

Lydia is 21 years old, so I'll definitely stick to my 22. [Laughing; as you may remember, I don't know my exact age.] Lydia's birthday is in early summer, and mine is the 19th of Sun's Dusk which'll be in about 3 months. This mean's I'll be 23 half a year before she turns 22. I hope that'll be sufficient for me to be able to assert my authority.

The jarl gives me permission to let my followers live in his palace while I don't need them. There's plenty of room to sleep and here they'll have more of a social life. And they can help out the city guards if necessary.

As I understand, it's a Nord tradition that the jarls' houses (can you call them "jarleries"?) are open to the public at all times, and indeed I'm seeing various people go in and out of Dragonsreach during the day.

It's early afternoon. I intend to spend this day in the city. Maybe find myself a boyfriend. Bardslayer has told me the rules. As everyone knows, men like to sleep around, but they don't like women to sleep around. That's why I can only have one boyfriend per location. If I, say, have a boyfriend in Hviterun and then make love to another man in Hviterun, the latter becomes my new boyfriend and the former begins to hate me. Also, changing boyfriends damages my reputation in the eyes of the population in that location.
Well, I don't have a problem with any of the above. I would have known it all without having to be told. It's perfectly logical.

On my way out, I run into Irileth. She still seems to bear a little grudge. [Chuckle]

"I've got my eyes on you," she says as we part. That's all right. As long as it's eyes.

On the street, I have a chat with a little boy Lars who seems to have a conflict with a girl named Braith who has a violent streak. I absent-mindedly promise Lars I'll talk to her on his behalf, but I notice I can't keep that thing with Uthgerd out of my thoughts. I decide to take care of it right now. I'm really afraid of fistfights, but the longer I postpone it, the more this anxiety will eat me up, and to give up my plan altogether – I know I can't do that.

Healing spells are prohibited during a brawl, but no one has said anything about taking a potion that temporarily increases your health by 50 points right before the encounter. I hope it'll be sufficient.

It is. When I approach Uthgerd's table, she is just as acrimonious as I imagined. I think she's actually looking for death. I accept her invitation to have a brawl. She's a strong fighter all right, but my inborn magical Claws are too much even for her. Generally I do all I can to avoid fistfights, because it seems so dishonest to dupe someone with my harmless looks who doesn't know about my special power. Apart from which, hitting other people with your fists is simply disgusting. But I really want that house, and a masculine bitch like Uthgerd is better off dead anyway.

After killing Uthgerd, I take possession of her house and tell Lucia she can live there, as well as keep it in good order for me. She is only too happy to practise the role of a Lady of the House. At least for the time being.

I wonder if the shops here sell smaller chairs.
Or would a blacksmith or a wizard make some for me? (I haven't seen a carpenter anywhere.)

On the street, I run into that Braith brat. After a few stern words, she quickly drops her defiant mask and admits she's beating Lars up only because he's too stupid to realize he ought to kiss her. Of course! I should have known. I'll drop Lars a hint and then they'll be able to sort it out.

There's so much to see in Hviterun, so many people to talk to. I learn among other things that Hviterun's two most important families, Gray-Mane and Battle-Born, hate each other's guts. Their old feud has been greatly aggravated by the current war. The Battle-Borns are enthusiastic supporters of the Empire whereas the Gray-Manes are sympathetic to the Stormcloak rebels. By the way, the little boy Lars I met earlier today is a Battle-Born and so is the young man Jon who tried to chat me up a few days ago.

The shopkeeper Belethor, a Breton like me, is very grumpy and sarcastic, at times amusingly so. His shop is the best.

It has already gotten dark by the time I strike up a conversation with an old woman called Fralia Gray-Mane on her way home from the marketplace. She begs my help finding her missing son Thorald, but it can't be talked about on the street, so I ought to visit her house. I promise her I'll drop by later.

I now visit Jorrvaskr, because it has occurred to me that I ought to exchange Heidi for Vera to have a little variety in my team. I also want to check out the men, but they are dissapointing. Their brains seem to be in a haze even when they're sober. Behind Jorrvaskr, I find another city gate which leads to that eastern suburb of which I got a glimpse when I arrived from Riverwood. At this late hour, most of the people are in their houses behind locked doors. However, I meet a man named Yourg who is not bad-looking, at least in the darkness. He has a small house of his own.

Yourg is not bad-looking in light either, but sex is disappointing. Afterwards, he walks me back to the city gate. We don't talk. It occurs to me that should Lucia ever find out I killed Uthgerd to give her a home, she'll be traumatized beyond imagination and hate me forever. I didn't think of it before. Honestly, I didn't think of it before. I'm going to make sure I'll never tell anyone. Not even Lydia.

Yourg and I kiss goodbye and wish each other good night. I now pay a visit to the House Gray-Mane. Fralia introduces me to her other son, Avulstein. He's really good-looking, if I may say so. I should have come here before giving myself to Yourg.

I force my eyes away from Avulstein's and back to Fralia's who has been telling me in the meantime that they believe the authorities of the Empire have imprisoned Thorald and are holding him captive. Fralia says the Gray-Mane's arch-enemies, the Battle-Borns, have been so sneery about it that she's sure they know something about it. Unfortunately, Avulstein has to remain hiding in the house, because it's too dangerous for him to be seen. Whoever kidnapped his brother might be looking for him too. That's why she asks me to break into the House of Clan Battle-Born and try to find some documents or notes that might contain a clue to Thorald's fate.

I refrain from telling her that just because I participated in the killing of a dragon doesn't mean I'm a master burglar. I can give it a try. I should be good enough at sneaking. The riskiest part is picking the house lock without being seen. But it shouldn't be too difficult to find a moment at night when the street is empty.

As I rise to leave, I urge Fralia to be extremely careful. I can't avoid casting a quick last glance at Avulstein who has been staring at me all this time. I go to sleep in my new house. Lucia has already fallen asleep in the only bed, so I take the sleeping mat.



next awakening






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