Always Lost, Always Hopeful (54) Yeah, Whatever

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-10-10 08:19
Canal House, Bitchen, The Rift, Skyrim


I open my eyes and see Marcurio's face. He gently places one of his knees between my legs and I spread them. He sticks it in and I raise my legs to help him get deeper. Still half asleep, I notice the sounds of my followers preparing breakfast downstairs. I wonder if they can hear us. I bet they are listening carefully, inquisitive minxes as they are.

You might ask what difference does it make if I'm going to tell them every detail anyway. I don't know. I just feel better when I'm behind closed doors, so when I do tell them, I can be sure or at least believe they don't actually know  it happened the way I'm telling them.

Yes, I know it's silly of me to worry about such things.

By the time Marcurio comes, I'm fully awake. With a deep sigh, he rests the full weight of his body on top of me. I place my legs around him and try to pull him into me. Just a little more and I'll have an orgasm too. No, I'm not that lucky this morning. His convulsions inside of me stop before I reach the top. Marcurio makes a move to climb off me. I hug him with my legs and arms as strongly as I can, and he remains where he is. He kisses me and I eagerly suck on his tongue. Then we just lie there until I realize we'd better get dressed before one of the girls comes upstairs under the pretext of telling us the breakfast is ready. I let my legs and arms drop, Marcurio unmounts me and we put our clothes on.

After we've eaten, we ascend to the street level where we say goodbye to Marcurio. Me and my followers exit the city proper, walk to the lake and have a refreshing bath far away from prying eyes. Then we head north, towards Windhelm. The weather is grim,

but by the time we reach Shor, the sun has come out.

Wow. Pretty.

The blacksmith Filnjar tells us the local mine is infested with giant spiders, which is why no one can get in. It's a real economic disaster for the village. So we go in and kill the spiders. After we've reported to Filnjar, a nice woman Sylgja asks us to deliver a message to her parents who are none other than Verner and Annekke in Darkwater. Then we head north. We'll go first to Vernim Wood, then to Windhelm and take the ship to Ravenrock one more time.

On our way to Vernim Wood, we discuss our experiences from last night. I begin to think – do we really have to go against Miraak? I mean, I'm not exactly short of dragonsouls and it's not like I have much use for them. Even if Miraak should keep stealing every second dragonsoul on a regular basis, it won't be such a big deal.

On the intersection where the road coming from south meets the east-west road from Vernim Wood to Darkwater, we see a massive imp patrol. They are very alert, waiting for an attack. On the outskirts of Vernim Wood, the mood is much more relaxed. Three jolly fellows are having something like a picnic and jovially invite us to join them for a drink. Thank you, maybe next time.

Now, if we are not traveling to Solstheim today, should we proceed north to Kynesgrove and Windhelm, or west to Darkwater?

I realize I'm kind of tired of awfully important things. Let's just walk around in this nice region a bit and go to Darkwater and deliver Sylgja's letter. We won't find any roses to smell, but we can still relax a little.

As we walk to the west, towards that Dwemer ruin, I remember about our buddy the peaceful giant. I begin to think that we ought to give him a name. Giants don't have names. For all I know, they can't even speak. But we're going to name this one even if he won't be able to understand it. Not a common name. A name that doesn't sound like anything you could encounter in Skyrim. How about Billy? Yeah, say the girls, why not Billy. Sounds cute enough and exotic enough.

So, folks, that's Billy:

I didn't want to get too close, in case he won't like his new name after all.  ;-)
I mean, he may not understand we want to be his friends, so we'd better not disturb him.
I'll try and get a better picture next time.

I'm playing with the thought of staying here for a week or two:

On second thought, we'd probably end up having to kill an awful lot of bears, which is why it's probably not such a good idea.

In Darkwater, we give Sylgja's letter to Verner. He gives us a letter to bring back to her. We're headed north, though. Since we're so conveniently close to Fort Amol right now, this is a suitable moment to get that anxiety off my chest.

We leave Darkwater. Having crossed the bridge west of the village, we run along the road to the north. Soon I see the fort ahead. We sneak closer as carefully as we can and manage to kill everyone in the courtyard with very little damage to ourselves. "Everyone in the courtyard" – that means everyone not already dead. There are several corpses lying here and there. I dread to imagine what they may have been doing to this one:

We also clear the interiors full of frightening wizards. It requires utmost concentration and discipline from us, but it's not all that dangerous after all. Then, as the sun is setting, we run northwards again, to reach Windhelm tonight.

Almost halfway between Mixwater Mill and Windhelm, we see a half-circle-shaped structure guarded by a dog. When it attacks us, I realize it's as tall as a human being. Now that's a shock. We kill it all right, but we're dumbfound by the experience.

The ice spikes from my followers' magic staffs are too much for him,
and I also do my share with my enchanted dagger.
Those exotic-looking gauntlets are from Solstheim.

The structure is called Secret Enclave. Can't be very secret, built on one of Skyrim's main roads. Something tells me not to go in there. It's getting late anyway, so we'd better just proceed to Windhelm and leave adventures for tomorrow.

I suddenly become aware of the girls staring at me like they're worried about something. "What is it, Laura?" asks Rayya. "Why are you looking at me like this?"

"What do you mean, Rayya?" Um... I feel kind of confused. Have I been daydreaming or something? I look around. Everything is normal. The road. The river. The dead giant dog. The... door. I look away quickly.

"Let's just go to Windhelm, okay?" says Lydia.

Yeah, sure. I take a quick look at myself to verify I'm wearing everything I'm supposed to. Then we start walking. The girls keep very close to me. They seem like holding themselves back not to support me under the arms. I find it funny. Then I begin to wonder if something strange really happened to me. I'm reluctant to ask the girls. Instead, I try to pretend everything is normal, and ask what's with that "4th Era" thing? Why do we say we're having the year 201 of the 4th Era ?

They tell me about the Oblivion Crisis. Oblivion – that's a realm outside of our universe where the daedras live. The emperor Martin Septim saved the world from the daedras, but lost his life in the process. He was the last Septim emperor, that's why his death is considered the beginning of a new era. The 3rd era began when Tiber Septim united the whole known world into the Empire, and it ended when the Septim dynasty died out.

The history lesson does me good. By the time we reach Windhelm, I'm completely back to my usual almost-sensible self. We go to report to Aventus first. I tell him I killed Grelod and he is jumping up and down with joy. I'm very delighted too that everything turned out so well.

It's past 10 in the evening. The shops have already closed, of course, but I can do my crafting without being disturbed. It's almost 2 o'clock by the time I finish. My boyfriend Yrsarald has already gone to sleep and I don't dare disturb him. I figure now is the right time to make love to Rayya, about which I've been fantasizing for a long time – and so has she, I've no doubt of that.

We do it in our house. It's much too cold to let Lydia and Jenassa wait outside, so I just ask them to be very quiet in the other room and close the bedroom door. Then Rayya and I get naked and caress each other on that wonderful fur of some big animal in front of the bed.

It's probably not much to look at, but our minds are filled with gentleness and intimacy. We reach a kind of profound emotional connection you can never have with a man. Well, I mean, you absolutely can have deep closeness with a man, but in a completely different way. Never mind, I'm too tired to explain. It's almost morning when I lie down on the bed, exhausted. When I feel Rayya's breasts pressing against my back, I smile without opening my eyes and fall asleep happily. This isn't exactly a double bed, but we'll manage.



next awakening

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (52) Hard to Know Where to Start

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
———————————————




previous day






4-201-10-08 06:31
Fort Greenwall Captain's Quarters, Fort Greenwall, The Rift, Skyrim


We run to Bitchen which is quite near. I feel awful, because I haven't been able to wash for a considerable time. It's not easy to find suitable bodies of water in mountains. Fortunately, Bitchen is on the shore of a lake.

Having cleaned up, we walk to the city gate. It's indeed locked, but when I look at the guards, they just unlock it and don't say anything.

Bitchen is a big city. There are so many people and so many things to see. I hear a crazy-looking man Jalamar complaining that no one would listen to him. Then there's a wimpish guy Aerin talking to Mjoll, apparently his girlfriend who has a large battleaxe on her back as well as her head in the clouds (and his undoubtedly between her legs). Her heart is in the right place, though. She gives me the beginnings of the general picture. The biggest menace in the city seems to be something called the Thieves' Guild. They reside in a place called the Ratway and she wishes she'd find a way to root them out.

The girls and I can take barely ten steps towards the inn when a man named Maul in a metal armor tries to intimidate us. He tells us that Maven Black-Briar is the absolute ruler in this city and her every command is to be obeyed to the letter.
Yeah, whate... wait, Black-Briar? Has she something to do with Black-Briar mead?
Yes, she has, and we learn how her meadery in this very city produces by far the best-quality mead in Skyrim, which means also in the world.

When we finally get rid of that wannabe bully, we continue our difficult quest to reach the inn which I've been having in my sight for quite a long time now. Our progress is blocked again, this time by an altercation between a woman named Sapphire and a man named Shadr. Apparently Sapphire lent Shadr money to buy some merchandise from Hviterun, then robbed the shipment and now demands payback of the loan. Yes, Bitchen couldn't have a more suitable name. We follow Sapphire into the inn where we have to listen to a priest Maramal urging people to give up drinking. He says the return of the dragons is not accidental:

Sapphire is the woman in front of me who is leaning against the wall. You recognize Lydia on my left, of course.

Finally the innkeeper Talen-Jei succeeds in gently removing him from the premises and I can walk up to Sapphire.

She's a lot taller than me and quite haughty, but my reservoir of politeness was completely exhausted on Maul. So I just tell Sapphire she'd better leave Shadr alone. I'm totally prepared to fight it out with her here and now, but I have evidently chosen the language she understands. She agrees that his debt has been paid, and indeed gives to understand I've earned her respect. Wow. Well done, Laura.

As instructed in that mysterious letter I picked up in Windhelm, I approach the bartender, an Argonian woman called Keerava and ask her if she's got a letter for Reginald. Indeed, she has. I open the envelope and learn that the writer who calls himself M stole a valuable gem from a caravan and hid it in a certain place west of Bitchen. That poor Reginald dude! When he finally gets his finger out and starts doing his part of the deal he has with M, he's going to be very disappointed.

I also get a bounty letter from Keerava. The jarl wants a dragon killed in a place called Lost Tongue Overlook somewhere south of Bitchen.

Now that it has become clear we're not in any immediate danger in this location, I tell the girls to continue to reconnoiter the city on their own. I head for the marketplace. It's seriously overwhelming with so many stalls and people and conversations.

I find a smithy and when I smile at the blacksmith and ask if I may use his facilities, he gives me permission. I have very much loot this time, but nothing really useful, just a lot of stuff to sell. And as you have probably guessed by now, Bitchen has a great variety of merchants.

I pay a visit to the palace where I use the alchemy lab and the arcane enchanter, coincidentally having a chat with the court wizard Wylandriah, an old woman who is clearly crazy. I also get to observe how the steward, an elven woman Anuriel, tells the jarl how everything in the city is in order and all that talk about drug trade is just malicious rumors. The jarl Laila is a compassionate woman who wants to do all she can for her people, but Anuriel is one sleek liar who has the jarl wrapped around her little finger.

In the general store, I witness a tense conversation between the owner and his wife. Apparently she is falsifying the bookkeeping. Probably found some jewelry she can't afford with what her husband gives her. This time it looks she's still succeeding in talking her way out of it.

Back on the marketplace, I'm stopped by Brynjolf, one of those pompous jerks who think they can get a girl wet by insulting her. I'll kill him one of these days.

Yeah, I've met the scumbag already. He won't be a problem for very long. That I swear.

In short, Bitchen is so bustling with activity, I could fill chapters with what I heard today, and surely that is nowhere near all there is. By the time I'm done with all the traders, it's almost 8 in the evening. It's dark on the streets. In spite of all the organized criminality, I can't help feeling good. I mean, judging by what I've been told, the city of Bitchen breathes theft, robbery and extortion, but my girls and I like it here.

There's a river or canal running through the city, and there are wooden staircases descending from the street level onto walkways that run alongside the canal, and there are almost no passersby down here, and it's really peaceful with the faint bustling of the marketplace coming from somewhere above and behind us. At this moment, it seems it's not such a bad place. But I know I'll have a lot of cleaning up to do here.

Marise, the friendly market trader, is on her way home. We stop for a little chat.

Which reminds me: ever since I heard about Maven Black-Briar earlier today, I've been wondering if the Black-Briars are that mafia family who are rumored to be causing trouble to the Honningbrew Meadery outside Hviterun. I couldn't ask Maul, obviously, but now I ask Marise. She looks harmless enough.

Marise replies she doesn't know, and looks awfully hurry all of a sudden. I get the hint, apologize and wish her a good evening.

It's pretty clear to me now how Bitchen got its current name. (The historical name Riften is used almost only in very official circles.)

I stroll to the palace one more time where I talk to half a dozen people about this and that. Then it's almost 10 in the evening. Highest time to check out that orphanage.

There's not much to say. Grelod is clearly too evil to be left alive for one more day.
[series of 2 pictures you can click through; click on the first picture to make it big, then press the right arrow to see the next picture etc.; press  Esc to return to the text]

Her assistant Constance seems to be doing all she can for the children. She urges me to leave, in order not to the get the children's hopes up; also in order not to accidentally anger Grelod who would then take it out on the children.

I go, to return later. I drop by the stables with my girls and then I figure there's just about enough time to go to that place west of the city to fetch the Royal Moonstone Ingot  which Mr. M has left for Reginald. It's not far from a house where M suspects bandits may live, but I sneak closer, find the hiding place under the pier and get the ingot without being noticed by anyone, while my followers are spread out keeping watch. A little after midnight, we're back in the city.

I have some chats at the inn. Bolli, the owner of the fishery, asks me to deliver a letter to the city of Morpork in the western end of Skyrim. I ask him to show me on the map where it is, but he says he can't. Evidently he has never used a map in his life.

When he has left, an Imperial man named Marcurio sits down at my table and insists on buying me a drink. I really don't want to get drunk right now, but he is so persuasive I end up thinking that just one drink won't be that bad. Marcurio informs me he's a sellsword and he'd be happy to accompany me on my adventures and protect me, but the way he says it it's rather evident he'd like to start our eventual cooperation with an adventure upstairs tonight.

I finally succeed in explaining to him that if he lays any value on doing anything with me in the future, work or otherwise, he has to leave me alone now and even forget he saw me tonight. Then I stand up and leave the inn, having, fortunately, finished only about a half of whichever local brew Marcurio had brought me, so my head still feels clear.

It's half past 1 in the night as I sneak into the orphanage. Everyone is sleeping. I kill Grelod without an effort, but somehow she makes a noise with her very last breath. Maybe I'm not entirely sober after all. At any rate, everybody wake up and run into her room. Constance begs me not to hurt the children – as if I would. I waste no time getting away from there.

It seems that the guards haven't noticed anything. Hopefully Constance and the children won't tell them either. I join my followers and we go to the inn to get a good night's sleep. Fortunately, Marcurio is no longer in the taproom when we arrive.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (39) You Can Sometimes Trust Your Inner Feelings

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it inevitably reveals a lot about the game.
———————————————




previous day






4-201-09-24 09:58
Candlehearth Hall, Windhelm, Eastmarch, Skyrim


The girls practically carry me to the bath. After we've stripped naked, Rayya and Jenassa place themselves in front of the door while Lydia looks me in the eye. Her face has turned very serious. She tells me gravely that they're going to drown me in the bathtub right now unless I tell them all about last night.

After I've stopped laughing, we get into the large bathtub, the four of us. Soaking in delightful warm water, even though a little cramped, I unhurriedly save my life by sharing the important news. My attempt to discuss the murder mystery first is futile.

The sun is shining in the sky when we finally return in high spirits into the merciless cold of the eternal winter outside. I have basically just one task planned for today, but it's a big one – to catch a serial killer. You see, the girls were told at the inn yesterday that there has been more than one murder, and all victims were young women cut up rather badly. So this is really serious. It would seem that the maniac works only in the dark. No one can know when he'll claim his next victim. Could be tonight.

What can we do? Leg- and mouthwork, what else? We split up. I head for the narrow-streeted elf quarter. When I pass by the city gate, a tall man with a small beard asks me if I'm an elf-lover and then tells me to get out of "his" city if I am. I can't even tell if he's drunk. At any rate there's no point arguing with him, so I just walk on. His friend nearby seems a little more sensible and keeps him from following me.

I enter the Gray Quarter (as the elves' neighborhood is officially called):

There I talk to an elven shopkeeper and an elven streetwalker, neither of whom has seen or heard anything that could lead me to the maniac. However, the shopkeeper – named Revyn Sadri, in case you're interested – asks me to do him a favor. Namely, he bought a golden ring without checking too carefully where it originated from, and then he found out that Viola Giordano had lost a ring whose description matched the one he has. Since the name means nothing to me, he explains it's a prominent citizen, not particularly rich, but she has lived here very long and is widely respected. She is also Windhelm's primary source of gossip.

Now, Revyn's problem is that he has long been suspected of buying stolen goods. He doesn't even dare throw the ring away, because if the person who sold it to him should tell about it, he'd be in major trouble, the position of the elves in Windhelm being as shaky as it is. The only solution would be to plant the ring into Viola's house, so that she would find it and assume it got never lost to begin with. However, none of the people whom Revyn associates with would stand a chance of getting invited into Viola's house, and none of them would risk a break-in either. I, however, might be able to find some innocent excuse to visit her. He'd be eternally grateful and make it worth my while.

I agree to help and take the ring, wondering quietly what is it about me that makes complete strangers trust me like this.

Out of the elven quarter again, I run into Viola herself. She tells me all the details about four women having been murdered and no one knowing anything.

After taking my leave from Viola, I remember about that suspicious character Aventus Aretino and decide to pay him a visit. The children playing on the street give me directions to his house and warn me that it's a bad place and they aren't allowed to go near it.

It's on a quiet street between the elven quarter and the Candlehearth Hall. Preferring not to knock, I pick the lock on the house door and go in on tiptoes.

Upstairs is a room with a skeleton surrounded by candles. Next to the skeleton is a book and a boy with a dagger in his hand. He is trying to chant some magic formula, repeating the words "sweet mother". There is no mother in the house, nor anyone else. Whether the skeleton is of a female, I couldn't possibly know.

I address the boy, trying to sound as gentle as I can.

He is incredibly happy to see me. He speaks quickly and excitedly. I learn that he was trying to perform a magic ritual to summon an assassin from... Dark Brotherhood! That's the same bunch of wa... I mean, the organization that sent that bungling fool to kill me a week ago.

When Aventus (yes, that's him, unsurprisingly) finally falls silent, I make a noncommittal gesture and look at him expectantly. He goes on talking, informing to me that he was sent to an orphanage in the city of Bitchen after his mother died. He and the other children were abused by the cruel headmistress Grelod. She's the one he wants killed. I promise him I'll do it. One category of people I can't stand is parents and caretakers hurting children under their power. Naturally, I'll find out more about that Grelod woman first. But if Aventus told the truth, I shall have no mercy with her.

However, that is not high priority right now. Aventus isn't able to tell me anything about a serial killer loose in this city. So I pay a visit to the temple of Talos and the Hall of the Dead and still end up none the wiser.

To tell you the truth, I'm more curious to learn how does a woman with such humongous hooters
end up dedicating her life to religion. But I suppose I'd better not ask her that question.

When I see Viola going home, I wait five minutes and then knock on her door and ask politely if I could come in because I want to ask her something. When she goes to get tea, I open the nearest drawer and drop the ring into it. I hope this will be enough.

As for conversation, I can't think of anything better than ask Viola if she perhaps remembers something more about the murders. Indeed, she does – one of the murdered women was the assistant of the writer Adonato Leotelli who was at the inn a little while ago when she came from there. Why didn't the silly old fool consider it worth mentioning earlier? It's almost 5 o'clock in the afternoon already!

I excuse myself as soon as I'm able to (which isn't very soon) and rush to speak to Leotelli. He informs me that one of the victims lost her life near the gate that leads to the eastern harbor, another one in or in front of a house named Hjerim. Now I'm finally getting somewhere!

The problem with Hjerim is that it has one of those locks I can't pick. Fortunately, I manage to locate the murdered owner's mother Tova Shatter-Shield and, after her initial reluctance, succeed in persuading her to give me a key.

The house is... I don't know, "sinister" is not the word. It's filled with eerie blue darkness.

The creepiest part of it is that when you step close to one of those ghastly bluish walls, you are yourself encased in dark blue darkness and can't see absolutely anything. Eventually I remember that I have a Magelight  staff. It can be used to cast a temporary ball of light, enabling you to see more or less properly.

Now, there's a suspicious cupboard which, upon closer examination, turns out to have a secert panel. Behind it is a secret room which is completely empty. I can't even see a speck of dust. As for dust, it would be a miracle if I could see it in this unlight, but to cleverly discover a secret room and then find nothing in it is very discouraging. In my frustration, I walk in and out of the secret room two or three times as if it could change anything.

Then I find a small shelf in another small room with a heap of leaflets warning people of a serial killer named "the Butcher". They seem to be torn down from walls and such. Next to the leaflets is an amulet. I take it. There is nothing further on the ground floor. I go upstairs where I find a small bedroom and a large bedroom. In the latter, an overturned chair is on the bed.

I take a closer look. There is nothing of interest on or under the bed and the chairs.

Looks like that's it. The amulet is the only thing to work with. I go out onto the street and ask every passerby if they know anything about the amulet. There aren't many people about, as it's already dark. One by one I encounter my followers who haven't found out anything either. I'm growing more worried by the minute. Eventually I'm suggested that I show the amulet to Calixto the antiques dealer, the one who had that museum and that mysterious chest.

We go to his house. The front door is locked. What should I do? Is Calixto sneaking around somewhere, preying upon some innocent woman? We can't patrol all the streets and keep an eye on every woman in the city, can we? I can't even share my worries with my followers, because they would ask the obvious question: what makes me suspect Calixto in the first place?

Well, I have no idea if Calixto is involved in this, but I will go in and take another look at that chest.

I pick the lock to the house door.

I tell the girls to wait outside, and go in.

I see Calixto lying on his bed, sleeping.

My sixth sense tells me I have to kill him. He is the murderer. He has to be. Very slowly, careful not to make any noise, I pull out my enchanted dagger.

I swiftly stab Calixto. He's dead. Gods help me if I'm wrong about this!

I search Calixto thoroughly and find a key. You won't believe where he has hidden it! For that matter, I can hardly believe I thought of looking in a place like that.

With my hands shaking, I walk up to the mysterious chest. The key fits. It fits!!

I open the chest and find a diary:

The diary reveals Calixto has been cutting out various body parts from murdered women
in order to assemble a new body for his dead sister and bring her back to life.

Well, what do you call that? Bullseye , I think, is the word. Or was it jackpot ? Jackeye ? Something like that. My intuition was right! We got the serial killer! Well, after a little reflection, I realize my "intuition" was in fact my higher self knowing something from his experience from a parallel universe or something. He used that knowledge to guide me in order to spare the lives of innocent women in Windhelm. I thank him in my thoughts, but I don't know if he's hearing me. Or, come to think of it, I'm certain he does. But I'm digressing. I was about to say that with the murderer found and executed, 90% of my job is done. But of course it would be proper to forward the evidence to the authorities and let them inform the public that the danger is over.

I am, as you remember, a little reluctant to go to the palace, because I'm still too embarrassed to look into the eyes of those two guards who saw me in that unusual situation. So, after I've shown my girls the diary, we go looking for Viola. She happens to be taking a stroll between the inn and the palace. As soon as she notices me, she approaches, urging me to come along to Hjerim and look for clues together. We still have time, she says, so she can be at home by midnight or so. I stop her, um, disquisition, and show her the diary. She takes her time on... well, commenting on it. I have to practically wrench it out of her hands when I see the steward Jorleif passing by. This is my chance to talk to him without showing myself in the palace!

Jorleif is most impressed. I won't bother you with his speech of praise and admiration. He takes the diary. I ask him what's going to happen to the two houses. He says Hjerim is not for sale at the moment. The family has some plans with it which I don't need to know about. But Calixto's house will be confiscated by the city now and I could have it for 4500 septims.

After some counsel with my girls, I decide to take it. In front of the witnesses, I give the steward the money and we agree to take care of the paperwork tomorrow. By now it's almost 11 o'clock, just the right time to go to our new home and get some sleep.

Those hideous skulls need to be thrown away, of course, but it can wait until tomorrow morning.

next awakening






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