Always Lost, Always Hopeful (31) Daring and Puzzled

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-09-15 09:38
Uthgerd's House, Hviterun, Whiterun, Skyrim


I go to the palace and re-hire Jenassa as my active follower. Then I have a serious word with the girls.
I tell them we can't go on fighting the way we have so far. From now on, they are going to practice bow shooting every day, and in due time we will completely transfer to ranged weapons. "This will not be discussed," I add, looking sternly at Lydia.
She rolls her eyes. "Get real, Laura. I'm not going to turn difficult."
"Good." I remain serious.
Jenassa offers that she can train Lydia and Rayya in the use of staffs as well. I approve of that.

They go to practice and I do the crafting. Then I greet friends on the marketplace and pick up a little gossip, but I don't want to hang about. However, I have a lot of loot to sell. Hviterun's shops are always great fun, especially today, because I hear about a shop I haven't seen yet. It's the magic shop of a very tall High Elf Cyrelas in the eastern suburb. The place looks really cool.

After shopping, I meet up with the girls and we hurry towards Riverwood. I want to arrive in Falkert tonight. There's something I want to do there, but I won't tell you what it is. If it will work out the way I've planned, I'll tell you, if it won't, I won't.

I submit Toren's order at the Riverwood watermill. Then I knock on the Alvor's house door to ask about Hadvar. Sigrid informs me he has left for Solitud. We run on. It has gotten cloudy. Near The Guardian Stones, we notice a small wooden house on the roadside. It's called Aulbryn's House. There's no one inside.

My goodness, what an adorable figurine! I wish I had one like this in my house.
Or maybe not. Looking at a dragon day in, day out will hardly be good for one's mood.

I find an enigmatic letter in a drawer. It seems that the master of the house (Aulbryn, as I presume) has gone missing. I have a very strong feeling that if I would go to sleep in that bed, I would wake up in a completely different place, somewhere far away. I'm not going to try this out right now. I have other things to do.

We step out of the house again. I'm determined to return here without fail. Someday.

There's a battle going on nearby, in what looks like a bandit camp. I can see a couple of tents. The man who has got off on a wrong foot with the bandits is an obnoxiously arrogant bard I've met in some inn. Talsgard, was it? Something like that. Anyway, with my thoughts still on that mysterious house, I now do everything wrong.

I begin to shoot at the bandits from the distance. They pay no attention to me, because they're busy with Talsgard. When the bandits nearer to Talsgard are dead and he goes after the last two, I realize I would actually like Talsgard to get killed because he's such a repulsive jerk. That's why I shoot an arrow into his back. I could have simply stood there and let the bandits kill him instead of helping him against the bandits. I curse my stupidity, but it's too late now. Let's just not talk about it anymore and forget it quickly.

Well, all right, I'll explain you what it was all about. I hated the guy, because he was sleazy and disrespectful. I know that men take pride in having conquered many women and I understand they need it, but when you happen to be talking to a woman, you ought to think what is proper to say and what isn't. The way Talsgard boasted with his sexual conquests in front of me that time we met was disgusting. Now, there are men who clearly have had a lot of experience, but you don't mind. It rather makes them intriguing. You want to find out what's so special about them that many other women have found special. Um... I meant to say: when a man pointedly tells you how he is so popular with women, then he really isn't. Because, firstly, a man who's got it doesn't feel he has to say it. And, secondly, a poser who is trying to convince  you that he's good with women is demonstrating his ignorance of female psychology. He thinks we calculate logically which man is better and which man is worse. If he believes we think like that, it means he doesn't understand women, which means he hasn't got much experience with them. In other words, he ends up proving the opposite of what he wants to prove. The harsh reality is, we try  to reasonably estimate the value of men, but we still end up in bed with one or another man for a reason no other than because it seems right at the moment. I need a man to make me feel  I'm in good hands, and you can't do that by telling  me what a cool guy you are. It's the same with that bard Mikael in The Bannered Mare. The way he talks... The one conversation we had at the inn, when I told him I got to go (meaning, I saw there was no point wasting any more of my time on him), he was like "It's the leaving that's hardest, I know." That snotty little piece of crap! I wouldn't spit on him, let alone sleep with him. In fact, Carlotta the market trader has told me that Mikael is harassing her, and, more importantly, embarrassing her by boasting all over the town how he's going to tame her. What she left unsaid was that Mikael's behavior is quite likely to scare decent men off Carlotta. I mean, all women know how good guys run away when they see a creep like Mikael act like he's got a claim on you. Now, the thing with Carlotta is that she's a single mother. As much as she may grieve for her dead husband, Carlotta is clearly in the need of a life companion. She's trying to make it look like she has no interest in men whatsoever, but that's obviously just to keep scum like Mikael at a distance. She needs a steady relationship with a responsible man who can support her and provide stability to her daughter, rather than a fleeting adventure with a wannabe-playboy.

Sigh. I'm one bad gabber, am I not? My point is, when we spoke earlier today, Carlotta hinted she wouldn't mind if I taught Mikael a lesson. I fear you'd have to kill a cad like Mikael to teach him anything. He's the definition of self-righteous. I totally understand that men need to come on strong to get anywhere with women, but being persistent and determined isn't the same as being an arrogant prick. Lydia and Rayya totally agree with me. Now where's Jenassa? There she is. A little out of shape, aren't you? Just kidding, never mind. You're a confident and reliable warrior. We've arrived in a small village named Oakwood. Just a few houses. Little Vivec being very near, I think I'll just go quickly and tell Toren his letter has been delivered, and then we'll hurry to Falkert for the night. I need to be there in the darkness. And I pray to the gods it won't rain.

Arriving in Little Vivec, I can see light in Toren's house, but the door is locked and no one answers when I knock. I bang on the door until sleepy and grumpy Toren appears. He gives me my reward and I leave.

After a brief stop at Aurora inn, we head for Falkert. There's a junction where one road goes to the west, to Half-Moon Mill and Northkeep, and the other one goes to the south towards Falkert. A little time after we've past that intersection, some kind of a paid killer attacks us. Actually, we've run past him before he sees us. Some assassin! We kill him without any difficulty. He has a letter on him where someone named Astrid tells him that something called a Black Sacrament ritual has been performed and therefore he's to kill me even though she has no idea who I am and what I've done. What a bunch of clowns! Dark Brotherhood , they call themselves.

Although I'm greatly amused, I still watch my step very carefully. There's no snow here and the night is pitch dark except near street lanterns.

We arrive in Falkert a little past 10. Even at this late hour, there are too many people walking up and down the street that goes from the main square to the cemetery. That's why I sleep two hours at the inn and then go to execute my secret plan:

I just couldn't resist. The setting with that statue in darkness is so awesome. I wanted to do it the last time, but I didn't dare, because there was a guard walking back and forth along the nearest street. This time I solved the problem very cleverly by seducing the guard and letting him watch the picture session. He appreciates being allowed to be the only one to see it. By "the only one" I mean the pics are taken magically and you are outside of my world. Well, the point is, the guard (whose name, by the way, is Torber) now adores me so that he's not going to gossip about me getting naked in a public place.

Our sex is disappointing, but I'm very happy with the pictures.
[series of 4 pictures you can click through; click on the first picture to make it big, then click again to see the next picture etc.; press  Esc to return to the text]

I can't say how excited I am. I hope you enjoyed watching the pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them.

It's almost morning now. I sit in the barracks and chat with the guards and then do some crafting. When my followers turn up, we go into that mysterious house by the watermill. I use the ring I got from that woman's corpse near the waterfall and sure enough it opens the door in the cellar. We find another journal page. Someting about an elf with a ponytail. There's also a dead elven man with a ponytail (I mean the hairstyle) and a note saying he decided to die because he couldn't stand being a monster.

Is that it? I don't feel I've solved the mystery, but there is nothing more to be found in that house. We go out again. I don't have the tiniest seed of the faintest idea as to what else I could possibly do. So I throw this nonsensical mystery out of my head.

We go to Aurora now to sell the rest of our loot, and then to Northkeep, outside which we chat a little with a farmer woman Mette, and proceed northwards. It's a fine day.

We are headed for a location north of here where we should be able to find a book the smith Rustleif of Dånstar asked me to find. His pregnant wife Seren is a Redguard and she is worried that when her child will grow up among Nords, she won't be able to transmit Redguard heritage to it. That's what Rustleif told us, and he thought that book which is kind of important for the Redguard culture might help. I asked Rayya about it, and she says it's a book everyone in Hammerfell knows, but in her humble opinion one can survive without it. A mother's personal example is a greater influence to a child than all the books in the world.

So, obviously this mission is not something world-shattering, but since we'll be going past that place anyway, we can just as well fulfill Rustleif's wish.

We see a thalmor patrol on the road, and they pay no attention to us. Shortly before reaching our destination, we discover a cave called Broken Fang Cave. There are vampires inside and we kill them. Then we move on. Soon we arrive at a place whose name is Swindler's Den and this is apparently our destination.

Rayya and Lydia in front of the Swindler's Den entrance.

We enter the cave. There's a passage going into the interior from which we hear voices that evidently belong to bandits. Suddenly I stop and think: wait, what are we doing? We're about to kill 5 or 10 or 15 people who have never wronged us in any way, just to get some book someone thinks someone might want to read. That is crap, girls! It doesn't matter that the occupants of this cave probably steal, rob and kill. We are not judges. If the local jarl announces they're public enemies, we may kill them for him, but to extinguish human lives just to provide someone with some lecture? That is so wrong. What do you think, girls?

They're like: yeah, whatever you say.

We go out of the cave again. Now, by and large we are headed for Dragonbridge which is northwest from here, but I realize that Fort Masser is rather close. You may remember – it's that fortress where thalmors attacked us for no apparent reason. I want to find out what's going on there that's so secret. It was dark when we were there the last time, but today we're going to have enough daylight left to explore the place properly.

We approach with utmost caution, but the courtyard of Fort Masser is deserted. The doors that lead into the interior have locks that I can't pick. So we just head for Roriksted. I'm exhausted anyway. I slept only 2 hours last night. That's why I go to sleep at Roriksted inn when it's only quarter past 6. My followers are free to spend the rest of the evening the way they please. I tell them not to worry – we won't leave before the shops open in the morning.



next awakening






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Always Lost, Always Hopeful (13) All Well That Ends Well?

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-201-08-29 07:04
Dead Man's Drink, Falkert, Falkreath, Skyrim


Lydia has joined us during the night. I leave my followers sleeping and go to the taproom. Talsgar is there and there's nothing I can do to avoid him. He evidently spent the night with Vera, only he tells it to me vaguely and at great length, using greasy and sleazy hints which he probably believes to be witty. He is so arrogant and disgusting that I'm having difficulties refraining from throwing my breakfast into his face.

My new friend Valdr enters. I greet him cheerfully and he nods back, but sits down in a farther corner. Luckily Jenassa and Rayya turn up and we go have a bath together.

There's apparently a celebration coming up. The town is decorated with colored flags.

Rayya draws my attention to a mysterious structure up the mountain ridge
(on the left, about halfway to the top) that looks artificial. She doesn't know what it is.
The direction is east-northeast. Got to remember to explore it someday.

That topic I said yesterday I wanted to talk about to Lydia only – you may have guessed it was that breast-increasing spell. I think Lydia just has to have good breasts, because she's otherwise so beautiful. This morning, I do tell her. Of course I'm not saying in her face that there's something wrong with her breasts.
I was if not quite terrified than certainly apprehensive of how Lydia would react to my suggestion and if I would be able to phrase it delicately enough. So I'm greatly relieved when Lydia looks delighted and excited. Her trust in me is touching.
Nevertheless, I want to make sure everything is safe. So we'll do it at the magic shop in Aurora this evening. Kaldred looks trustworthy enough.

Right now, though, I visit a shop called  Ayleid Artifacts  which was closed the last time we were in town. The shopkeeper is a middle-aged man Nuri. I have no idea who the Ayleids are or were, but in order to strike up a conversation, I ask Nuri if he studies the Ayleids. He says he does and they are such a fascinating civilization and whatnot. He is very secretive about his research, but something has made me so curious that I just have to press him further. Finally I manage to wheedle it out of him that there are four mystical stones in various places in Skyrim which would be very valuable to him. I promise to find them.

Very pleased with my conversational success, so to speak, I step out of the shop. It's almost 11 o'clock. Perfect timing! Oh, I haven't told you yet. That strange abandoned house opposite the watermill, remember? I have re-read all the notes I found there, and learned that the woman whom that so-called monster adored would appear at 12 every day near the waterfall from which the river flows to this very watermill. Meaning, now, an hour before noon, is exactly the right time for me to go and find the waterfall and wait for the woman. I won't be taking my followers, because it might scare her.

I follow the river upstream. It turns into a shallow creek. I find the right place. It's not noon yet, but the woman is already there. Regrettably, she is dead.

I take an enchanted ring from her corpse. I presume it can be used somehow to open that door in the cellar. That's good, but I feel sad for the woman.

It occurs to me that being a thane now, my standing is reasonably secure here, so I can take a chance and kill that bastard Solaf. Why put it off?

It has to be done in such a manner that he won't shout for help and cause the town guards to rush in. The problem is that when people see you, they often sense that you intend to attack them. The gift is highly individual and most developed in mages and professional warriors. (You simply don't survive long when you lack the sense of hostility  as it's commonly called.) Solaf doesn't look like either, but I don't want to risk more than necessary.

After some discussion, the girls and I come up with the following plan. I go to the shop, strip naked and pretend to be horny. This gets Solaf confused, probably even irritated, at any rate very distracted from thinking of a potential physical attack. Lydia and Jenassa will enter a little later, having found a moment when no one is paying attention. With any luck, I will have be able to hug Solaf tightly by then, or even manage to take his penis into my mouth. Rayya will remain keeping watch outside the door and make sure no one enters the shop. She's the one who knows the locals and knows how to talk to them in a right way.

As proper as it would be to deliver the death blow myself, it is clear to all of us that it would be unfeasible. Jenassa says she has no problem with killing Solaf on my behalf, and a second later Lydia volunteers to do the same. I choose Lydia, because Solaf, being a Nord, might be more suspicious of an elf approaching him than of another Nord.

While Solaf will surely be embarrassed by her sort-of-girlfriend's crazy behavior, the girls and I are going to act and talk normally as if nothing was wrong. From there, we'll just have to improvise. In the worst case, Jenassa can assist us from the distance with a magical staff.

I go into the shop. Solaf is standing behind his counter. I go into the corner to his right. He doesn't take his eyes off me. I quickly cast off my armor.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asks, baffled.
"Wanna fuck my ass?" I try to sound sexy, but I rather seem nervous to myself.
"I didn't know you're such a whore!"
"Yes, I'm your horny whore!" I bounce my breasts on my palms. I can see he's torn between disgust and lust.
The door opens. Solaf jumps and turns around quickly. Lydia and Jenassa enter and greet politely.
"For heaven's sake, put your clothes on!" he snaps at me and turns to my followers. I'm not sure he even recognizes them. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if he has ever seen them, but that's really not something to dwell upon right now.
"What's wrong?" asks Lydia. "Don't you want her?"
"Huh?" Now Solaf is certain to think the world has gone crazy.
"You're right, you know," says Lydia with a smile.
"Right about what?"
"She's no good. I suck a lot better. Would you rather have it upstairs or here?"
Solaf can't even think of what to reply before I bend down, take my dagger Nettlebane from its sheath attached to my armor, leap to him and stab him from behind. I pull out the dagger and stab him quickly two more times. Solaf falls down and I step up to him carefully and slit his throat, just to be on the safe side. "This is for calling me a whore," I whisper to his lifeless body.
I stand up and look at Lydia. We are both trembling. "Well played," says Jenassa, cool as a cucumber. "Yes, I will never tell anyone," she adds, seeing me open my mouth. "You'd better get dressed."
"I know that," I reply peevishly. I have some blood on me. Lucky I'm naked, save the boots which I wipe clean. "Thanks, girls." We have a quick hug and leave for the inn.

Everything looks calm on the street.

I inform the innkeeper Valga that we found Solaf dead.
"Thank you," she replies to my utter astonishment.
Somewhat speechless, I ask if I may use the bath. She says: of course.
After I have cleaned up, I ask Rayya if she has any idea what it was all about. She says she doesn't know any details, but the word is that Solaf and Valga had a relationship in the past, but then she began to hate him. The implication is obvious.
I ask Rayya if she wants to know why I wanted Solaf dead. She says I can tell her if and when I want to. I reply I'll tell her some other time then.
We return to the taproom. Valga refuses my money and says not to worry: she and her serving girl Narri will tell the captain of the guards a plausible story about some disreputable strangers. And I'm in good books with the jarl anyway.
I still can't think of much to say. I thank Valga and leave with my followers.

"Narri must have seen us entering the shop," Jenassa explains.
"Possibly," I reply. "By the way, I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier."
"Oh, don't be silly. I'm not offended."
Suddenly I must laugh. It went pretty well, really.

We walk around leisurely. Among other things, I have a chat with an old man Dengeir, an uncle of Siddgeir. He was the previous jarl. He says he was deposed because he supported the storks. He is very bitter and asks me to break into the house of Lod the blacksmith and steal a letter he has been writing – to the imps, Dengeir suspects. No, I'm certainly not going to have any part in that.

Then we travel to Little Vivec to report to Bal-Ran. He believes the bandits were killed by that mysterious visitor of his. It's clearly the same man Mandyn Hlaalu is looking for. This time Bal-Ran agrees to reveal to me where he was headed. It's a place in the far east of Skyrim. He categorically refuses to tell me what they talked about and what the man is up to, but urges me to think before I act. I hate such secretiveness, but there's nothing I can do.

Belvadyr's house is straight ahead and Selyse's shop is the one you can see on the right.
To our right, outside the frame, goes another walkway that connects this islet to Toren and Taren's.

I thought I had gotten quite wealthy by now, but Aurora and Little Vivec have so many trainers between them that I'm soon down to my last couple hundred septims (which I have to keep in reserve to be able to afford lodging).

Before turning in, Lydia and I have one more business to take care of. We go to Kaldred's magic shop. After our whispered conversation, she asks her husband to take a little walk outside. Then Lydia strips from the waist up and I use the spell on her. Lydia is amusingly scared and somewhat confused afterwards. I can see she's indeed been very self-conscious about the size of her breasts. I'm sure she'll be most happy with them once she gets used to them. Rayya, FYI, has proper breasts already and Jenassa's are not very large but look adorable on her body. (Gosh, I'm not sure I should even tell you about such things!)

We thank Kaldred and return to the inn. It's still quarter to 9, but I feel strangely tired – emotionally, not physically, from everything that's happened today &ndash so I decide to go to sleep and have a very early start tomorrow. We will not return to Hviterun just yet, because the place where I believe to remember Arkngthamz to be, that enigmatic location from my dream the other night, is in the west and not very far, and I'm dying to see it.



next awakening






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