Always Lost, Always Hopeful (187) Missing

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-22 07:46
Uthgerd's House, Hviterun, Whiterun, Skyrim


At 8 to 8, I step out of the door or my house and find my followers duly waiting for me on the street. A look into Lydia and Jordis's eyes confirms that Valdimar did pass the test. I won't need to ask anything.

I now officially hire Valdimar as my active follower and let Jenassa go. I understand she plans on resting in the city for a day or two and then she'll travel to Winterhold to be with Nelacar. To tell you the truth, I feel very sad. I feel kind of lost without Jenassa. Let's hope our Hammerfell "adventure" won't last too long.

Last night, I was so absorbed chatting with Lucia that I couldn't be bothered to tell you about the deal I made with Carlotta and Ysolda. The deal is I'm leaving all the gear that I don't need with them and they will get rid of it for me over time, getting a generous share of the proceeds. Carlotta is an established trader, small-scale as she may be, and Ysolda has connections to the Khajiit caravans, and I can completely trust both of them. Ysolda, by the way, is still having a relationship of sorts with the bard Mikael. He keeps sleeping around and she's unhappy about it, but she still can't help loving him. That, and I just got distracted from the topic. Sorry. I meant to say I'm fed up with carrying all that junk around and searching for traders who can afford to buy it.

You may be wondering what I need so much money for anyway. The answer is: when this is all over, I'm going to divide up three quarters of my entire capital between all my current and past followers who are still alive, to each proportionally to the time she has served me. For instance, if I were to return to High Rock right now, Lydia and Jenassa would get more than 900 thousand septims each, Jordis would get almost half a million and Valdimar would get a little more than 36 thousand.

Apart from which, I'm certain my family back in High Rock can benefit from my quarter of the loot and put it to good use. But enough of this now. We need to get going. We've got Hammerfell to save, and potentially Skyrim.

After a little chat with my and Ysolda's friend the Khajiit trader Ri'saad in the southwestern suburb (he is more than delighted to participate in my business scheme and will surely know better than to try to rip me off), we run westwards.

A little way before the Big Northkeep Intersection, I notice a road leading uphill into the mountain range north of Lake Ilinalta. I decide to check it out.

There is a cave called Bloated Man's Grotto. It's completely unknown to all of us. Lydia is quite surprised she has never heard of it even though she's from this region. Well, it turns out to be one of those scenic caves with spriggans guarding it, as well as many bears.

We can't avoid killing a couple of bears, after which I order a hasty retreat. A pity as it may be, we don't belong here.

I ask Valdimar to walk down to the main road and wait for us. I can't control my curiosity any longer.
"What did he do?" I ask as soon as Valdimar's out of earshot.
The girls look briefly at each other and Lydia begins to tell. "He already had a hard-on when we got naked. First he made us lick it together, each from her side. Then he had Jordis suck while he was fondling me, the breasts mostly, and after some time we switched, and after some time we switched again, and so on."
"And who was the one who got lucky?"
"Well," says Lydia, "I was quite happy with him sucking on my tit and squeezing my buttock."
"Yeah, I got his load in my mouth," says Jordis. "But I don't mind."
"I know you don't," says Lydia.
Jordis slaps her upper arm and goes on: "When I'm alone with a man, I really enjoy it. With all his ecstasy focused on me, so to speak. To swallow sperm while the man is fondling another – that is not so great."
"Well, those decisions shall be out of our hands from now on," I say.
"I know. The suspense is already killing me."
"Me too," says Lydia. "Shall we?"
"Wait, what about the morning?"
"He had me sideways," Lydia explains, "with Jordis cuddling up with him from behind."
"Right, I caressed him with my hand and made fucking movements against his bum. Some men like it."
"I know," confirms Lydia. "They get a kick out of the knowledge you haven't got anything down there you could stick into them, so you can bounce all you want."
"Precisely."
I stand up. "Right, enough of the chatting. Let's go. No, I just remembered something! Give me two minutes with Valdimar, will you?"

I return to Valdimar alone and say:
"What I told you yesterday about embarrassment and lewd remarks also includes something that happens to women once a month."
"Laura."
"What?"
"I'm not as dumb you maybe think I am."
I stop and look at him, slightly surprised. "Okay. Good to know." I wave to the girls to follow and we start running.

That's the path up to the grotto we ascended a quarter of an hour ago.

"We won't lie to you about having menstruation just to piss you off," I feel I have to explain Valdimar at the last moment before the girls have caught up with us, "but when we do, we don't want you to comment on it in any way."
"Fine with me. And I'll give my best to not make your life too sweet on the other days."
I gasp with surprise. "Okay." Looks like he really has it in him.

We run westwards, through both Northkeep intersections and past Fort Unguard. The weather is basically nice and everything is peaceful along the road with the exception of a couple of patrols diligently looking for any troublemakers. Soon we can see the farms outside Granite Hall under the partially cloudy sky.

We go briefly into the town, just to ask the people if anything unusual has happened recently. Nothing has. So we move on westwards, pray at the roadside shrine of Dibella and then run uphill to the south.
[series of 2 pictures you can click through; click on the first picture to make it big, then press the right arrow to see the next picture etc.; press  Esc to return to the text]

No road leads all the way to the Gate to Hammerfell, so finding a more or less direct path across the mountains is not very easy, but by half past 2 in the afternoon we're there.

Approximately ten meters from the gate stands a spriggan next to the corpses of an elk and a man. A fox is leisurely trotting away.

We washed ourselves with Spriggan Soap this morning (a precaution to keep at least the wild animals away while we might be heavily outnumbered by the enemies in Hammerfell), but this spriggan still attacks us, so we have no choice but to kill her. Seeing that, the fox returns and attacks us too. Normally, foxes don't attack humans, but evidently they come to the defense of spriggans, just like that elk did on that lake island near Dragonbridge a month ago.

"Now remember," I tell my followers, "our most important job on the other side of that gate is to stay alive. We're not going to actually fight this war. It's a job for the armies. We are here to evaluate the situation and bring information back to Skyrim. That'll be our second most important task. And only on the third place is the task of helping wherever we can. But we won't be there longer than absolutely necessary."

We go in. The weather gets sunny soon, even though some clouds remain in the sky. In the settlement of Dragonstar, there are five people this time. That includes Kartano whom we already know.

I ask him how to get in contact with the armed forces of Hammerfell. He replies there is no such thing.

I think I must have misheard. How is it possible that Hammerfell hasn't got an army?

Kartano explains that the government of Hammerfell broke down years ago. There's basically anarchy in the country. The Aldmeri Dominion controls the strategic points, but the large majority of the people live by their own rules as well as attack the Dominion forces at every opportunity. In fact, he tells us, they attack all foreigners, so we can expect hostility from everyone, High Elf and Redguard alike.

This is crazy. If there is no government, what did the Dominion attack? What's all the fuss about a new war? Who sent me the letter begging for help? And why are these five men in Dragonstar friendly towards us when the rest of the nation supposedly isn't?

Valdimar knows that the southern part of Hammerfell has been occupied by the Aldmeri Dominion ever since the Great War, but the central and northern part haven't. Probably the Dominion has decided to subdue the entire rebellious people of Hammerfell.

Whatever. Let's take a look around. We're not turning back just because one not very intelligent-looking dude tells us there's no point in us being here. Maybe Kartano has been misinformed. Maybe he is bullshitting us.

The other four men between the fortification walls don't tell us anything new. We exit by the gate. Beyond the patches of lush vegetation begins a region of steep sandy hills. Behind the second or third bend, we find ourselves facing at least ten enemies. In spite of our sneaking, they notice us and cast (mostly) fire magic at us. I take serious damage. What's worse, most of my arrows mysteriously miss the enemies who are perfectly visible and not moving much. Even those arrows that hit cause surprisingly little damage.

Those aren't soldiers, just a couple of wandering mages I've run into while trying to approach the main group from a different angle.

Busy enough healing myself and frantically shooting arrows at that black mass of enemies, I'm not getting around to keeping an eye on my followers. I soon realize it can't go on like this. I order retreat and we run all the way back to Dragonstar. As there seems to be only one gate, we take up positions where we can comfortably shoot at it. Strangely enough, we are not being pursued. I climb a hill near the defense wall, trying to take a look at the enemies over the wall, but the hill is not close enough to the wall. So I sneak out again, telling the others to follow cautiously and keep a decent distance from me. With a part of the enemies killed earlier, we now succeed in finishing off the rest.

However, I realize I can't expose my followers to this kind of danger. I just can't. I won't be able to fight efficiently with the worry about my followers' safety eating me up. Besides, we have no business taking on military units of this size in the first place. This is a task for a regular army, not a group of four adventurers.

Nevertheless, I want to take a little closer look. Ordering my followers to stay behind, I venture into that maze-like landscape of sandy hills.

I soon notice some village ruins – remains of several small wooden houses. There's another group of hostiles, mostly archers and footsoldiers this time.

The landscape is very uneven, which is why I can see only their heads most of the time. I have a clear view of a low hill maybe a hundred meters away. Down that hill is that village ruin. The enemies are not too keen on ascending the hill to engage me, so I sneak closer and shoot them dead a few at a time. I still can't understand why my arrows keep missing them so often. I have more than enough bow-shooting experience from a great variety of surroundings to be positive that this is not normal. It has to be some kind of magic that impedes bow shooting. However, thanks to the enemies' incomprehensible reluctance to come and charge at me all together, I eventually slaughter them little by little.

I loot the corpses and examine the ruined houses. There is nothing of interest, in particular nothing written. Among the killed hostiles are also a couple of Redguards, so apparently at least some of the locals are hostile to us – and possibly even allied with the Dominion forces.

A dragon?? That would really make my day!  :-(

I have my followers stand watch on top of the highest hill overlooking the wooden house ruins, just in case someone should turn up unexpectedly and sneak up behind me. I'm basically ready to leave this madhouse, but I want to explore just a little more. I go to a different direction, between the village ruin and the gate to Skyrim. I surprise a few thalmors from the first group who have gotten lost looking for us between those gigantic sanddunes. They must have been deployed around here not so long ago, because they seem unfamiliar with the terrain. To tell you the truth, I'd better not venture too far either, with those small steep hills all around me indistinguishable from each other and no map.

After a while, I see what looks like a small town at a distance.

There are even more enemies there. I shoot a couple and then realize I'd better not try to invade that place, especially at this hour. The sun will set soon and I don't want to even think about fighting that black-robed horror at night.

I retreat to where I left my followers and we waste no time running to the border crossing. Luckily these thalmors aren't pursuing us either.

That's the gate to Skyrim. On the left is the town of Dragonstar.

It's getting dark. Having crossed to Skyrim, we go a little way away from that dead fox and I look at my followers. What do we make of it all?

Guess we'd better go to Granite Hall before it gets completely dark, suggests Valdimar.

Good idea. An inn room will be a much better place for an evening discussion than a mountain slope in the middle of nowhere. Although in this case we'll have to postpone war counsel for tomorrow morning, because I'm going to be with my boyfriend Mojarik.

At any rate, I think I know why the thalmors were reluctant to pursue us and thus deprived us of any chances of ambush. It looks like they had been ordered to defend certain strategic locations and repel any attackers, but not to chase after every rebel showing himself and thereby, well, risk getting ambushed, and possibly losing their way in that maze of sandhills.

We reach the river in halfway decent moonlight, and the main road that leads east has street lanterns every now and then, so there is no inconvenience at all, apart from an Argonian moron who attacks us just outside Granite Hall. In the town, I tell my followers they're in home mode, and hurry to the guard barracks. Mojarik is there and we go and take a room at the inn.

Physically speaking, this man is so amazing. He touches a sensitive spot somewhere inside me (all right, all right, I know exactly where, I just can't describe it to you) so that I'm climaxing in no time, and I keep moaning in one orgasm after another. I think he's even better than Gregor, even though I understand it's probably just that we happened to choose a position where our anatomies fit each other perfectly.

So, while from the physiological point of view, this was as perfect as could possibly be, the strange thing is that when we lie there embracing each other in the afterglow, I suddenly realize I don't feel anything for that man. I can't explain how, but being pressed against Mojarik's body doesn't give me a feeling of protectedness. I long to spend the night in the other room with Valdimar and the girls, but of course I can't offend Mojarik's feelings like this. All I can do is avoid talking, so we can go to sleep as soon as possible.



next awakening






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Always Lost, Always Hopeful (177) Over the Mountains

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-11 04:44
Silver-Blood Inn, Morpork, The Reach, Skyrim


I go to enjoy the luxurious bathroom. Soon my followers turn up one after another.

Having eaten a leisurely breakfast, we stroll past Lisbet's shop and up the eastern side of the canal. There have been rumors about a mysterious abandoned house halfway from here to the palace and I want to check it out.

We find a mysterious house all right, but it's locked and I can't pick the lock. So we just walk on. We see a young Argonian man standing in front of a house near the palace entrance looking unhappy. (I mean, it's hard to tell an Argonian's age, but he looks hardly even my age.) We stop to ask what's his name and how he's doing. He says he's name is Ut-Keen and he's sad, because he applied for a vacancy in the Fortune's Trading House (the door to which is the one we're standing in front of), but they wouldn't have him.

A trading house? That's fantastic news! Marveling at the locked door (it's not even 7 o'clock yet) and wondering what may be waiting behind it, I absent-mindedly promise the youngster I'll try to help him if I can.

I invite him to walk with us. We go into the palace and admire the sights. I had never before noticed how cool those Dwemer statues actually looked in this cavern.

Then we walk to the western side of the city, climb up to the Guard Tower and enjoy the view.

When we figure it's late enough, we return to the trading house by a route past the mine and the inn. Ut-Keen remains outside when me and my followers go in.

In a big room from which doors go in three directions, there's a man who is burning. I mean, the back of his head and clothes seriously look like covered with little flames which don't seem to cause him any distress whatsoever. His name is Uthor and he is specialized on everything that has something to do with fire. Not only does he not deny he's a pyromaniac, he has even developed a philosophy according to which when you set a house on fire, it's the fire's fault and not yours. Maybe his brain is overheated? I remember vaguely that a mage or a priest told me a long time ago it can be life-threatening when the temperature of your brain gets too high.

Well, mad as Uthor may be, he's a vendor selling fire-related things from charcoal to the Staff of Firebolts .

The room to the right is a dormitory. The door to the left evidently leads to the boss's office. Before going there, I check out the door straight ahead.

Our jaws drop when we step over the threshold. This is like the Cloudrest Underground Market, only in a much smaller space.

There are three vendors. A Redguard woman Seline sells books and she talks about them with such passion that I end up actually buying one. Next to his stall stands Zeugini, reading a book. I ask him if it's not too uncomfortable in this light. Just to say something. He mumbles it's okay and goes back to reading. I'm not sure if he's a guard, customer or an errand boy.

The next vendor is Morilla, a High Elf. She sells special cider made from special apples brought from Summerset.

However, the most special thing about her is her cheerful personality. It's not often one meets a High Elf who is a warm and kind person. Morilla is making this whole room shine. Even her cider is good. I usually don't drink cider, but I'm buying some of hers. I can obviously afford it many times over.

The third vendor is Kjorn who is reputed to be the best cook in the city. Jenassa and Lydia remember to have heard the name talked about. He says his wife was an even better cook, but he went to fight for the storks and never returned. His heart was bleeding, but he meekly "accepted her decision". Another one of those poor, stupid men who don't realize no halfway normal woman walks away from an even halfway decent man for a political cause. When your woman tells you she has decided to go to pursue something that is vitally important to her, it's a signal to you to tell her you love her and you don't want her to leave. But it's obviously much too late for Kjorn to do that, which is why I refrain from enlightening him.

Now, girls, you can stay here and enjoy yourselves and keep away from Zeugini, while I go to that last room.

Behind a large desk, on which are a business ledger and a large sweet roll (seriously? Don't tell me you were expecting me), sits a gray-haired but otherwise not at all old-looking man.

He invites me to buy some gemstones and when I politely decline, he answers my questions about his enterprise. They have recently arrived and are making good money. When I ask him why have almost all the other traders in the city ceased their activities, Fortune acts like he doesn't understand what I'm talking about. Well, what about the Silver-Bloods? He lowers his voice and replies we'd better not talk about them. If you ask me, he doesn't seem afraid at all. I'm having the feeling he uses their vile reputation as an excuse to avoid sharing with me what he knows about the other merchants.

When I bring up Ut-Keen, Fortune says that they need indeed to replace one of their traders who went missing, but the unfortunate candidate is lacking one vital qualification – luck. Namely, Fortune tossed a coin with him and Ut-Keen lost. That, concluded Fortune, proved Ut-Keen was not lucky, and he can't hire someone who lacks luck.

Now, I know a thing or two about logic and probabilities and luck. If you tossed a coin, say, 300 times, and someone guessed wrong 200 times, that would mean he's unlucky. But to judge upon someone's luckiness based on one throw only is sheer folly.

When I tell that to Fortune, he suggests that I do something useful for his company, and then he'll reconsider the case of Ut-Keen.

I don't care too much about Ut-Keen, but I wouldn't mind some interesting challenges for a change. And most importantly, I need to find out what the hell is going on in this city, and I'm pretty certain there are some secrets hidden behind the friendly faces of that "Fortune" and his fellow traders. So by all means, count me in.

I exit Fortune's office and walk from guard to trader to visitor, asking everyone if there's anything they need help with.

Uthor, the pyromaniac, asks me "Have you ever loved someone so much that you pushed him away?"

Are you insane? That's obvious nonsense – like "Have you ever been so hungry that you refused all food?" or "Has anyone ever drowned on top of the highest mountain in the world?"

Oh... I already knew he was insane, didn't I?

So I just reply I haven't. Can't be too careful with madmen. Well, Uthor goes on feeding my ears with crazy blabber that is so full of logical contradictions that it burns my brain like... I don't know, fire? To cut the long story short, he ends up begging me to go and talk to his ex-girlfriend Elle on his behalf.

What use can a woman have for a man who doesn't know how to talk to her and yet is so obsessed he can't go on with his life without her? I mean, if he would at least tell me what happened between them, I could give him some advice, but he just locks me out of his mind insisting that I go and talk to Elle. In fact he looks like he'll start screaming any moment, and for that matter I'm not all that interested in teaching wimps how to become men. That said, there's no reason why I couldn't go and have a chat with that woman.

As for here and now, I'm completely at loss for words. I can't even give Uthor that horrible recommendation "Set yourself on fire!" (a curse popular with some evil people I've forgotten where) because, as you remember, he already is burning all over. So I just shrug and walk away, forcing a smile onto my face as I step through the door into the main trading hall. Chin up, Laura! It can only get better from here.

The book trader Seline tells me she's heard a rumor there's a rare book on sale in Windhelm. She asks me to go and have a look.

Well, all right – I'll buy the book if I think it's genuine, but don't blame me if my expertise turns out subpar.

The joyful High Elf Morilla asks me if I'm a friend of the thalmors. I can't bring myself to saying anything but "no". I suppress the urge to hug Morilla when she says she isn't either. She has a shipment from Summerset held in Solitud and she believes it's the work of a thalmor official Inuril who hates her. Sure, I can go and have a look. I refrain from informing Morilla that I know someone else in Solitud who holds shipments for hostage to extort money from traders. Morilla doesn't need to know everything. I'll just get her merchandise back from whoever may have it.

Morilla looks left and right, lowers her voice and tells me she won't mind if Inuril dies. I wonder what he did to her. This is clearly about more than business. Hope I can find out someday.

The food vendor Kjorn has a very different kind of a problem: skeevers in his cellar. He is unfortunate to blab out that he actually fed them after he found out their meat was surprisingly delicious.

I'm not sure if this is more horrendous or hilarious. He bred skeevers, and now that he can no longer control them, he wants me to kill them for him. Well, I shall certainly leave him some time to reflect upon what he has done.

Now, me and my followers go out and admire the beautiful sight of the Temple of Dibella.

We are in complete agreement that this trading house was a magnificently lucky find and it makes this city a much nicer place.

After a quick visit to the palace to verify the jarl and the steward still aren't working, we set out to explore the southern bank of the river outside the city entrance.

There is nothing there between the city proper and the Left Hand Mine suburb.

In case you haven't been to an iron mine, this is what an iron ore vein looks like.

From then on, it gets interesting. I mean, if you're an enthusiast of dangerous rock-climbing. We generally move southeast, trying to ascend the mountains here and there. The views are stunning at times, as well as a tiny bit worrying when I think that we are supposed to somehow make our way back down there before it gets dark.

I try to put it out of my thoughts and focus on moving forward.

About halfway between Morpork and Dushnikh Yal (for which we are generally headed), we discover a large complex of massive stone staircases and statues.

We kill half a dozen forns who are clearly understaffed for guarding a compound of this size. There are sleeping mats here and the sun is going down, but I feel reluctant to interrupt this fascinating exploration trip. Let's hope we'll find a place to sleep further east.

It seems we've come as high as gods would let humans ascend in this region. To our south, almost vertical walls of rock with a few miserable bushes rise high into the skies. To the east, the mountains begin to gradually get lower. After a not too dangerous descent, we discover Forgotten Ruins. This must be the place I heard about in Hviterun a long time ago where "riches beyond imagining" await the one who finds the missing brother of a certain Cassia. As I've told you, I don't believe in those riches, so we're not even going in.

We'll now have to descend a high riverbank and swim across.

Yeah, wade rather. The water turns out, like, chest-deep at worst.

On the other side, there's fortunately a pretty comfortable path uphill. A brief hike to the east-southeast, and we find ourselves in front of a Gate to Hammerfell.

Wow. After our frustrating failure to get to Hammerfell from southwestern Falkreath, we have now found another border crossing and this one is actually functional. However, our situation is very different from what it was back then. As you know, peace talks should start in High Hrothgar soon, so this is definitely not the time for us to venture into another country. (FYI, Hammerfell became independent of the Empire after the The Great War and is claimed by Aldmeri Dominion.)

Jenassa exclaims there's a sheet of paper nailed to the wall. Stepping closer, she announces disappointedly that it's blank. I stretch out my hand and she gives it to me. What do you mean, it's blank? There's writing on it. Lydia and Jordis look over my shoulders and say it's an empty sheet of white paper. Oh well, magic again. A letter that only I can read. Which is not too surprising, because it's addressed to the Dragonborn. That'll be me, I suppose.

In other words, someone left a letter for me in this place that's as remote as a location in Skyrim can possibly be. Am I then to presume somebody knew I was coming here? Is there someone lying in wait to ambush us? I can't sense anything, at least not on this side of the gate.

The girls ask me impatiently what does it say in the letter. Right, the letter! I read it out loud. It says (after a cheesy praise of my great and noble deeds) that Hammerfell has been invaded by the Aldmeri Dominion and needs my help urgently. Well, tough shit. They shouldn't have rejected me six weeks ago. Right now I have the Skyrim civil war to take care of. Apart from which, I've told you several months ago about a dream I had where I was in a desolate region in Hammerfell whose population seemed to consist of little more than drug dealers and drug addicts hating all the foreigners. Jenassa confirmed subsequently that large parts of Hammerfell are indeed like that. If that kind of scum is being attacked, I don't see how I could help them defend themselves, and if the Aldmeri Dominion wants to rule over that cloaca, I don't envy them.

At any rate, a war against the Aldmeri Dominion is just too serious for me to get involved in without consulting at least Jarl Balgruuf. And maybe Yrsarald. And Falk, I suppose.

At this moment, however, we have a dilemma to solve that is rather more immediate. It's almost dark. I can barely see to read the mysterious letter. Mountain climbing in this light would be suicidal. Which means we have to find lodging for the night. The Orc village Dushnikh Yal is not far, but I don't think they have guest quarters. We could go back to Forgotten Ruins and see if we can sleep there. However, since we're at this border crossing already, we can take a look at the other side. There may be a settlement nearby and we may be able to spend the night there and maybe get some information about the situation in Hammerfell and bring it to High Hrothgar where some of the most important decision-makers of Skyrim would be all in one place at the same time. Staying the night on the other side of this border crossing, we'll surely be able to return to Skyrim in the morning.

We go through the gate.

Nearby is indeed a settlement. It's called Dragonstar.

There are only three people in the entire town. Their attire resembles those alikr warriors we've been seeing in Skyrim.

The men tell us the population has already been evacuated. Indeed, we can see that even the house doors are nailed shut. No chance of lodging for four travelers. Most disappointing! We wouldn't have stolen anything, honestly.

We return to Skyrim and travel to Forgotten Ruins. It's a Dwemer ruin and there are indeed some places soft enough for sleeping there and it's sheltered from rain, so we'll spend the night here.



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