Always Lost, Always Hopeful (270) Haunted by Hesitation

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day 






4-202-05-16 14:59
a tent, Forelhost, The Rift, Skyrim

The only way in and out of the Forelhost compound goes through that citadel.

We have so much loot that we have to go to Riften. It's not very far as the crow flies, and by jumping down mountains we reach it pretty soon.

It's two at night by the time I finish my crafting.

During that time, I have a lot of time to think about that metal message. I'm no longer entirely sure I want to go to meet that mysterious questgiver after all. Then again, he did write "Failure to comply will not be tolerated." If he is not from our material plane, he can be very powerful. And since I've already fulfilled my Dragonborn mission, the gods will not necessarily protect me any longer. Although the promise the priests gave to my parents suggests the protection will last until I'm back at home. But that's just my interpretation and to whom can I complain if the gods should interpret it differently?

I'd better go to sleep. Such nutty thoughts won't get me anywhere. I'll ask Jenassa's advice when we're in Hviterun. It's on the route to that island anyway.

I'm not sure if it's right to knock Madesi up this late. Nah, let him sleep. As well as myself [grin]. I'll spend the night in my house.

Jordis and Ghorbash are breathing quietly on their bedmats. I wonder if they made love.

I walk quietly up the stairs into my bedroom, which is empty, of course, because Lydia is with Maul. Before going to bed, I can't help leafing through Barrin's diary one more time.

Barrin evidently tortured someone named Luma on a regular basis. I presume she's a human being, but the only thing I know for certain is she's female and able to speak:

Barrin wrote he's leaving the diary behind to make sure Luma will not remain imprisoned forever, should he die.

It seems to me that if there are "guardians" in Luma's prison, one can presume she will not be left all alone to die of thirst. And I don't have the key to the underwater gate Barrin said would be on his body. We found nothing of the kind in Forelhost and I'm not going back for another search.

I'm torn between compassion for that unknown probably-woman Luma (and her grief-stricken mother) and the reluctance to stick my nose into something potentially ueberrepulsive. So far, everyone involved in this quest has been sickening. The ghosted girl Tyllia brought about her own misery by acting in a way she admits was utterly reproachable. Fellaqui – I wish I could wipe his very existence from my memory. Barrin – you just saw him speak for himself. Do I have any reason to presume Luma is in any way likeable?

You may ask what reason do I have to presume she's not. After all, Bronwen was a perfectly good girl imprisoned by disgusting creeps. Well, I don't know. I just feel instinctive reluctance to pursue this quest any further, and I don't have the heart to wake up my followers to ask their advice.

Guess I'd better get some sleep.



next awakening

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (234) Flawless Logic

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-04-10 08:30
Canal House, Riften, The Rift, Skyrim


After the inevitable morning quickie, I go to have a bath with the girls while Madesi hurries to start his workday on the marketplace.

I do a little shopping. Agathe is a profoundly sorry sight, feeling downcast in the midst of all those appetizing breads and cakes:

Maybe her husband won't allow her eat any of those lest she get fat? At any rate, she doesn't seem to even have enough energy to replace that ghastly rag hanging from the rafter with something decent. And I'm still unable to make her talk about what's bothering her. I wonder if there's any chance to lure her if not into the inn then at least to my house and get her drunk.

I pay brief visits to the temple and the palace. The captain of the guards asks if I could do him one more favor. West of the town is an island in the lake on which bandits reside. They used to be a part of the Thieves' Guild, but turned independent several years ago as the Guild deteriorated and kept losing influence. The captain hates to have a criminal stronghold (called Goldenglow Estate, in case anyone wants to know) this close to the city. Unfortunately, the island can only be accessed over a drawbridge which the bandits keep raised except when they need it themselves. The guards can't storm the island from the water, because they have far too few boats to transport a sufficient number of men. After all, this is only a lake, not the sea. However, me and my followers could perhaps swim onto the island without being noticed, and then lower the drawbridge.

I agree to give it a try.

The aforementioned bridge, when lowered, connects the island to the southern lakeshore and that's where a party of guards head through the southern city gate while me and my followers exit by the main gate and head northwest. We pass by Dravin's farm where we stop to say hello and Dravin tells us his valuable bow has been stolen. He has reasons to believe the thieves were from the city, because he met a group of suspicious-looking men on his way back home on the day the bow got stolen. I promise him we'll look into it.

I know that bandit island, of course. It's near the place where we found the first delivery from Montaigu to Reginald a long, long time ago. It is not known whether or not the bandits on the island used to be on the late Maven Black-Briar's payroll, but even if they didn't, they're still bandits, so we'll kill them. And should we find out they're not bandits, we won't kill them. My mind is very sharp today, isn't it? [Grin.]

Form the northern lake shore, one can see a big wooden house on the island.

We succeed in swimming over one by one. Getting to the drawbridge is easy. We kill the lookouts, lower the drawbridge and hold out in the gatehouse while the guards hurry across the bridge to help us. The bandits are many, but we kill them all except one who wan't put up any resistance. He doesn't answer my questions as to who he is and what he is doing there. I shrug and tell him he has to come with us. We'll escort him to the Riften jail where he shall be interrogated. He comes along meekly, which proves that at least he understands the human language.

Before leaving, we quickly check out the basement in which there is nothing interesting to find, just rats. What luck we're using Spriggan Soap!

They're not attacking us, I got injured by a trap. The rats seem intelligent enough to avoid them.  :-)

We've never seen rats this big. Normally they're, like, half a skeever or even less.

Back in the city, we find out that among the things confiscated from the Ratway gang, there was indeed a bow that matches Dravin's description. When we bring it to Dravin, he probably refrains from hugging and kissing us only because his wife can see us. The bow is a dear memory of his ancestors and he is very happy to have it back.

It's dark already, but much too early to go to sleep, as well as much too late to travel anywhere. I mean, not anywhere. To the Heartwood Mill. We've been hearing about something mysterious and possibly exciting in its vicinity. That'll be in the west from here, halfway between Riften and Sunguard City. But as I said, we won't go there tonight, because if there is something interesting to find, I'd rather look for it in daylight.

There is, however, enough time for us to go and check if everything's in order at the former Black-Briar country mansion. I'll decide later whether we'll sleep there ot return to Riften for the night.

Just outside the city's line of sight, we witness someone (it's too dark to see whom) fighting a large flame atronach. It's much bigger than Elle. Could be three meters tall. At the very least two and a half. Doesn't matter, of course. I shoot it dead.

Flame atronachs always burst in flames when they die.

Its adversary turns out to be a virr, just as humorless as all the others we've seen. Could someone tell them the world won't go under if they loosen up a bit?

Short of the Black-Briar Lodge, we kill a group of three bandits. Around the next hill, and we're already seeing the mansion. It looks very inviting in this dark forest.

I'm pleased to see the place securely guarded by soldiers. The infamous horse, the one that Louis Letrush was trying to buy from Sibbi who didn't own it, is no longer there. The soldiers inform me it was taken to the city stables. Come to think of it, we should let Louis have it. He may have paid only a half of the price, but with all the Black-Briars dead, no one has a stronger claim on the horse than he has.

I'll tell them at the stables tomorrow. But right now it's a little past 9 and I decide we'll sleep here tonight, in the large bedroom upstairs.



next awakening






return to the table of contents

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (191) Back to Normal

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-26 07:06
Canal House, Bitchen, The Rift, Skyrim


On our way to the inn to have a bath, I notice Grelka, that acrimonious armor vendor who hates Argonians. She is apparently on her way to work.

We arrest her right there in plain view of all the passersby and take her down to the Ratway dungeon. Here we'll have more privacy than in the prison.

Looking at the naked bitch, I feel that ravaging her rear side just won't do here. So I whip her front. When she's bleeding like a pig and squealing like seven pigs, I give her some time to rest. After she's had time to calm down, I inform her she'll be whipped in the middle of a sunny day on the Bitchen marketplace, should either one of the following two things occur:
1) I learn she has said anything disrespectful to Madesi;
2) she sells defective merchandise and refuses to take it back and reimburse the betrayed customer.

Should a repeat offense occur after her public whipping, she shall have all her property confiscated and she'll be chased out of the city, naked, with 24 hours to leave The Rift, after which time all guards and soldiers in The Rift will be instructed to kill her on sight.

I let her repeat it. Then I whip her some more. Then I let her repeat the rules again. Then I whip her some more. I go on until she has no voice left. Then I untie her, leaving her a ragged robe and a weak health potion so she can get home.

Me and my followers now go to the inn to have our morning bath, during which the girls inform me that now I have to tell them about the punishment I got from Onmund the day before. Yes, I know there's no escaping it, so I can just as well do it now.
"Was it very painful?" asks Lydia after I've given them the summary of the events.
"No. Nothing worth mentioning."
"But you were afraid it was going to be?" asks Jordis.
"Not really. It didn't look like that. I mean, it was just his hand. I imagine it can get seriously painful when it lasts really long, but I still don't think hand spanking can ever get really bad. The problem was not the pain. First and foremost, I felt ashamed. Deeply ashamed. I kept wondering if I had really been so bad that I deserved to be physically punished. It's hard to think clearly when you're lying exposed across someone's thighs, but eventually I realized I had been indeed. And then I became scared... That part came when the spanking was over and I was sucking him. I got worried that maybe I had been too cheeky after the spanking, and maybe Onmund felt I hadn't been punished enough, so maybe he wouldn't forgive me. I mean, I had gotten away with very little pain, but what good was it if he was still angry? That's why I asked him after I had sucked him off if he forgave me. I was afraid to ask, but I had to know. I don't know what I would have done if he had said no. Burst out in tears maybe."
"So why were you so cheeky then if you realized you had been bad?" asks Jordis.
"I hadn't realized it at the moment I was being cheeky. While he was punishing me, I was more like not really believing this was really happening, and thinking how to get off the hook, and wondering if I was really deserving it. Later, when I was sucking his dick, I realized I had deserved it indeed. But then it was too late, the punishment was over."
"Do you yourself believe you got punished enough?" asks Jenassa.
"I think so. It's not the pain, it's the embarrassment – to have my bare butt on a man's lap, to know that I have upset him so much he feels I deserve to be punished like a child. I know Lydia would probably get a kick out of it, but I'll do everything I can to avoid it happening again."
"I don't actually enjoy the pain," says Lydia. Yes, I know what she means, but she goes on explaining anyway: "I get a kick out of being aware that I'm with a man who has balls. I know, Jenassa would probably see it differently, but I'm going crazy at times being with men who can't tell me clearly what they want, and even if they do tell me, they don't seem to care if I actually do it or not."
"They do care, they just don't know how to make you," says Jordis.
"I know. That's what I said. I mean, that's what I meant to say."
I ask: "Jenassa, how can we recognize if the man is crossing the line between domination and abuse, and if it happens, how do we get out of the situation?"
"Before you make a man angry, make sure he loves you."
We laugh. I wonder what I would have to do to get a serious answer out of her.

We are now leaving Bitchen by the southern gate.

Our first mission today will be dealing with that aftershock from the Eye of Magnus  quest, the one I needed to get the Staff of Magnus back for.

The weather is very nice. It's perfect for fighting unknown evil things spilling over from another universe. I mean, we have no idea what that rupture  thing is going to cast at us and how it would be visible in heavy rain, so I'm happy we're not having any rain.

The place is not far from the city on the southern shore of the big lake. Getting close, we see that the "rupture" is a ball of energy maybe 3 meters high.

It spits out some of those icewraith-like flying energy things, as well as – strange as it may sound – big poison spiders. The Magic Anomaly  creatures are hard to hit, but once I realize they don't bite all that painfully, I relax and take my time taking good aim and making sure to not hit my girls by accident.

After a pretty long and mildly challenging battle, we kill them. I now have to return to Winterhold and tell Tolfdir this problem has been solved. It was way beyond overdue, and the delay was caused by my lack of foresight. I'm grateful Tolfdir can't punish me. I would more than deserve it.

Now we're going to help that unfortunate Orc chieftain. He is waiting at Fallowstone-something east-northeast of Bitchen. Hopefully it won't take all day. In a couple of hours from now, Jarl Laila will have arrived. I had a chance to briefly talk to Mjoll, and Lydia has filled Maul in, so there shouldn't be any difficulties. The only thing I'm unsure of is whether I should also execute the members of the Thieves' Guild. Technically, they're bandits, but another massacre might jeopardize the fragile stability in the city. Too bad I forgot to ask Yrsarald about it.

So, we've now bypassed the city from the south and traveled north across slightly foggy hills. We are looking at a really big cave opening, near which are some of those big brown stones with curious carvings on them.

I'm beginning to wonder if such unusual stone art is created by the giants. Maybe those ornaments are some kind of a script? Well, we shan't concern ourselves with that, at least not today.

Chief Yamarz is waiting for us near the entrance. We are to go in together to find that giant chief and take away his hammer which the deity Malacath is demanding from Yamarz as proof that he's worthy to continue leading the village of Largashbur.

It's a large underground space with trees and creeks and bridges over them and places to jump down from. I presume it would be very desirable if Yamarz stayed alive. So we do all we can to keep up with him (which is not easy; his character may not be too commendable, but his ability to move fast on a difficult landscape is good), all the time scanning for targets.

We kill a giant or a bear occasionally, and then we enter another cave. Yamarz says that's where the chief of the giants lives. He proposes I kill the giant and get the hammer and we'll tell everyone he did it. That's exactly the way I wanted it, only I didn't dare suggest it.

The giant is so slow that killing him is easy. When I bring the hammer to Yamarz, however, he informs me he's going to kill us so we won't be able to tell anyone about this cheating.

That man must be crazy. I killed a giant he wasn't sure he could kill, and now he thinks he can kill me? Really, someone so stupid should never have become a village chief in the first place.

Well, he's not so stupid. There is something magical about that hammer that makes the bearer invulnerable to the arrows and spells. I retreat in panic, but there isn't all that much free space and Yamarz is fast, remember?

"Shout!" I hear Jenassa's voice. Of course! I use the very first dragon shout which I learned. It makes Yamarz lose his balance and fall, just like it did with Irileth. He drops the hammer and is impaled by three arrows from my followers a second later.

The girls and I hug each other silently. I yelp when a loud resounding voice fills the air. It's Malacath. He confirms my opinion that Yamarz was a fool. Malacath instructs me to bring the hammer to Largashbur, after which the villagers will be able to go on with their lives.

I hope He won't mind if I go to Bitchen first. It's in our path anyway. Even though I spoke with Laila in Windhelm, I still need to make sure she is ready to cooperate with the citizen council. And maybe I'll do a little shopping in the city as well.

A rain starts when we're past the Echo Deep Mine. As you may remember, it was the place with the magical portal to Falskaar.

Laila has already arrived in the palace with her sons and the bodyguard.

I send everyone else out of the throne room to have a meeting with the four of them plus the five members of the citizen council, my followers and Valandrus, the head of the local Imperial garrison. For the benefit of everyone present, I repeat the terms of the agreement we made with Laila in Windhelm. I explain that there used to be severe disorder in the city. The law had been usurped by the Black-Briar mafia. Maven Black-Briar used the profits from skooma trade and her legitimate business to hire Dark Brotherhood assassins to kill people who were in her way, as well as to drive competing meaderies all over Skyrim out of business, while her henchwoman Anuriel kept Jarl Laila from finding out about the rampant corruption and lawlessness. (Naturally, there's no need to reveal that the Dark Brotherhood was really just a bunch of bungling wannabes, brilliant as their business scheme may have been.) Therefore, we need the five-member citizen council appointed by me to watch over the jarl.
The Imperial garrison will remain keeping public order. Now that the civil war is over, that shouldn't pose a problem, especially since Laila has never made a secret of not being a big fan of Ulfric to start with.
Laila's sons can live in the palace, enjoy the luxury and the prestige, as well as make themselves useful in the city administration if they wish, but they shall have no formal authority. All political decisions will be made by the citizen council and pronounced by the jarl. Oh, and all personal orders from Yrsarald shall be obeyed unconditionally, unless it's something clearly outrageous such as to kill all non-Nords or to restart the civil war.

Laila confirms, again for the benefit of all those who were not there when we talked in Windhelm, that she agrees with all the above. Between you and me, when she learned about Anuriel's betrayal and Ulfric's, er, questionable actions in the past, she understood very clearly that she isn't clever and ruthless enough to be a ruler. The age-old customs must be obeyed, so she'll continue playing the part, but she agrees to let the citizen council run the affairs. (Either that or she simply realizes she has no choice.)
Her sons seem to have somewhat different opinions, but of course they are also smart enough to see that the current arrangement beats being left with nothing. I'm sure they'll be waiting for a chance to take over The Rift, but in the near future they are not going to rock the boat.

Now, with all that clarified between us, I think it's time we give the city its historic name back. I propose we all start referring to it only as Riften, and make a public announcement asking the citizens to do the same.

There are no objections.

With this load off my chest, I wish the new government of The Rift the best of luck and go to take a stroll on the marketplace. Bolli walks with us a part of the way.

Nivenor is his wife, a beautiful elf.

I'm not sure what to do next. We ought to take ten or twenty soldiers and make a thorough search of all the Thieves' Guild premises, as well as members. On the other hand, my boyfriend Madesi wants (of course) to have sex. I don't mind making love to him per se, only I'm not the slightest in the mood today. I'd rather go to Largashbur this evening, spend the night in Ivarsted and climb up Mount Nexus to go and talk to Paarthurnax the first thing in the morning. But I can't disappoint Madesi. Not only do I need him to defend my interests in the citizen council – it would be just unacceptably inconsiderate of me to leave him unsatisfied like this.

On top of all that, there's a Shrine of Dibella in this city. Unfortunately, it's, as you may remember, inside Haelga's Bunkhouse, more precisely in her very bedroom. Could I meditate nearby on the street instead? Would I be able to find a place on the street at night where I would be undisturbed? I kind of doubt it, but I can't think clearly. My head is all over the place right now.

I end up deciding, firstly, to get a new hairstyle, and secondly, go home with Madesi. We do it downstairs where there is more room, as well as light.

I fake extreme pleasure, hoping it gets him more aroused so he'll come faster. My plan fails completely. Madesi takes his time, in fact so much time that I have two actual orgasms. (Or was it three?)

He has imagination, I got to give him that. He looks cool too. Certainly the handsomest Argonian I've ever seen. I'm happy I found him. Argonians are so different from us and I'm sure with Madesi's help I can learn to understand their way of thinking much better.

Not today, though. It's already half past seven by the time we're done getting to know each other better physically. I believe there's still enough time to take care of the Largashbur business. The girls think we shouldn't force things with the Thieves' Guild just yet and risk disrupting the delicate power balance in the city. Let the three branches of the new government (the jarl, the council, and the military) get a little practice in working together.

As for Dibella, I realize I mustn't try to force things with my memory either. I had great success recently anyway. Right now, I wouldn't be able to relax and let my thoughts flow with so many other things on my mind. So we shall head for Largashbur.

This is the farm south of Riften. It looks very cozy. Like home... Will I ever have a real home?

There are still quite a few Imperial soldiers patrolling the roads. Valandrus is clearly taking his job very seriously.

Halfway to Largashbur, I notice something like a citadel across the lake. I make a mental note of coming back and checking it out someday.

Largashbur is under attack once again when we arrive.

Observe the mage surrounded by a ward. That is probably Atub whom we've come here to talk to.
She is on the rampart. Why several male soldiers have opened the gate and gone to a melee fight
with the attacking giant – again! – is a mystery to me. They really need a more competent leader.

We help them thwart it and then find Atub, the local equivalent of the court mage. I tell her we've got the giants' chief's hammer. I don't mention Chief Yamarz, but she asks me, and I can't make myself say anything but the truth. She is visibly shocked.

Then Malacath Himself joins our conversation. He says Yamarz was a miserable wretch and a certain Gularzob is going to be the new chief of Largashbur. I'm glad I hadn't tried to justify Yamarz to Atub. With Malacath overhearing everything, I would have made myself look very bad by lying. Anyway, Malacath tells me to put the giant chief's hammer onto His shrine, after which the population of Largashbur will be given a new chance to demonstrate that they are worthy Orcs.

Before leaving, we step into the chief's longhouse briefly. We are great heroes here, short as we may be:

I'm completely unfamiliar with Orc customs, so I decide to leave, lest someone gets the idea of inviting us to stay for an all-night feast. Yeah, come to think of it, it might not have been such a bad idea, but we're already running to the north. It's half past nine, but I feel I want to check out that citadel I mentioned earlier. Without rain, the evening is light and warm enough to do a couple of hours of exploration before sleep.

The lake shore is not very far. On it is a sawmill.

It's called Heartwood Mill. We meet a woman named Grosta who tells us his husband Leifnarr disappeared while going to sell some timber in a location east of Riften. She begins by telling us with sadness how hard it is to run the mill without him, but eventually she works herself up into a real rage and suggests he probably ran away with some elven whore. When I suggest we can try to find him, Grosta asks us to tell him she never wants to see him again.

I see little point in arguing with her. If we can find Leifnarr, I'll hear his side of the story and then we'll figure out what to do. I have a hunch that Grosta will end up being very sorry. Right now, though, I want to find that citadel or fortress .

There's a bridge across the lake nearby. More precisely, the lake begins to turn into a river here.

Heartwood Mill is behind us, a little to the right.

On the eastern shore, behind some hills, we indeed discover a small fortress. We sneak closer with perfect discipline, undetected, and start bandit-shooting. Remember, I've told you in the past that I've been reluctant to kill bandits, because we're not judges. But now, on Yrsarald's orders, I am precisely that, so we're going to kill all the bandits we see without any pangs of conscience.

Faldar's Tooth, as this fortress is called, has a peculiar design.

There's a courtyard below us (we entered somewhere in the middle as the whole thing is on a mountain slope) where I can see a cage with someone in it, possibly animals, but then a few minutes later they are no longer there and we can hear wolves howling in an entirely different direction. I'm seeing some bedmats and it's getting on midnight, so I think we'll spend the night here. Now there's only one bandit left in the outdoors part of Faldar's Tooth. He's a little difficult to get to, but I finally kill him. There's a nice double bed up there. So, Jordis and Jenassa, grab yourself some bedmats and don't forget to keep nightwatch taking turns, all three of you. Good night!



next awakening






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