Always Lost, Always Hopeful (203) No Doors Barred

———————————————
SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
———————————————




previous day






4-202-03-10 13:01
Canal House, Riften, The Rift, Skyrim


It's a beautiful day, but the girls and I won't be able to just idle in the sun. Assisted by the soldiers with special equipment, we smash in the front door of the Riftweald Manor – a suspicious house right next to the Black-Briar Manor. Both of its doors have been barricaded from the inside, but we finally break in and kill half a dozen bandits who are in the house.

I can't be bothered to study this thing. I'll give it to the captain of the guards.

There's a door in the basement that seems to be leading into that disgusting dungeon behind the Ratway. I wonder why the bandits didn't escape. Maybe they figured they'd have no life there among those monsters and madmen and whatnot anyway.

Now it's past 5 and we really have to hurry to the southeast to hopefully find some traces of that missing man Leifnarr.

There's still enough light, even though rain starts while we're climbing on mountain slopes. Past a beautiful waterfall, we reach what looks like a cave entrance. I'm ready to burst in with a curved sword in my hand, but the girls gently ask me to use a bow and sneak.

I realize they are right. I haven't been quite myself these past couple of days. Incompetent as Skyrim bandits generally are, I mustn't get cocky and act like nothing could hurt me, or as if I didn't care.

So we sneak in cautiously, kill a number of bandits from a safe distance,

and finally find the dead body of a man named Leifnarr. That's it. No one left to rescue, nothing left to salvage. Eager to improve the life of his family, he found an end to his own life in this miserable place.

It's dark outside, but the time is only half past seven, so I think rather than return to Riften we'll travel further west, maybe even reach Ivarsted tonight. Have I told you I'm planning on exploring the area south of Helgen? Travelers have been telling us there are interesting places there and I want to go and find out. The city of Riften is in good hands and can do without us for some time to come, now that the Thieves's Guild has been rubbed out, at least within the city walls.

I know now what was wrong with me yesterday in Windhelm. This is a bit complicated and I don't want to waste too much time right now, but in a nutshell, submission presumes stability. There can be no stability in my life until I've spent some time at home with my family, talked things over with my mother and probably with Cortoran as well. Before I've had that, I can't commit to following Yrsarald's (or anyone else's) rules. And without commitment, rules remain empty ritual, little more than a game, and a game of submission is not real. Or to put it in other words: a man can't just declare rules upon me, he must also be my unshakable support, my infallible fortress. If he isn't, I can't help asking what's the point of it all, as well as generally freaking out every now and then without an apparent reason.

Back to the present. Me and my followers are standing on the eastern slope of a very high mountain, so we move south first to bypass it clockwise. Then we run west-northwest towards Heartwood Mill.

Along the way, we meet a group of thalmors. They don't even recognize us, so we can let them run past and then attack them from behind, killing them easily.

At the Heartwood Mill, we tell Grosta that his husband is dead. She sheds bitter tears for having suspected him of infidelity, and keeps telling us how sorry she is. Yeah, you'd better be. Grieve and then go on with your life. You'll need to be as strong as two parents for your child now.

As we close the door behind us, I remember we had a magical rupture  to close in the Windhelm area. I'd forgotten all about it when we ran past it. By Eight-and-a-Half, what a mess I was yesterday! And my followers – they forgot to remind me. Or were they simply scared of me? Even now they're too afraid to remind me that all of Skyrim has officially nine gods now, so you're allowed to say "by the Nine" wherever you are.  :-)

I look at them and it all seems hilarious to me now. Get real, girls, I'm not going to bite you or anything!

If so, tell us what you felt yesterday when you decided not to go to Windhelm, says Jordis.

I will, but not now. It's late and we've got to find a place to sleep. I think we'll go to Sunguard City and then see if we're in the mood to spend the night there.

We are. It's a nice friendly town, as I've told you before. There's no need to travel to Ivarsted.

next awakening