2020-07-04

Always Lost, Always Hopeful (179) Got a Lot on My Mind



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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-202-02-13 09:35
High Hrothgar, Whiterun, Skyrim



I had seven delightful hours, not only away from the awful peace treaty of yesterday, but in the midst of my family.

I know the faces of my parents and siblings now. I was also told their names in my dream (which would have included my last name) but I can't remember those anymore. Still, I feel ecstatic from the knowledge that I would recognize my close ones now, should I meet them. And I believe firmly I will know their names soon.

Right now, though, I have to figure out what to do about the situation in The Rift and The Reach. The task feels utterly overwhelming – intellectually as well as emotionally. I'm having the feeling that all the participants hate me because they think I'm to blame for the painful concessions they had to make.

There might be a chance to avoid a new all-out war if, in addition to exterminating the two mafia families, I would also kill Ulfric Stormcloak. I could persuade Yrsarald to take over and keep to the peace. With the Aldmeri attack on Hammerfell (I realize now I was so upset yesterday evening that I forgot to tell anyone about it), surely both the imps and the storks would agree that this is a perfect opportunity to drive the thalmors out of Skyrim for good. The Dominion can't be strong enough to wage war on two fronts and we could give Hammerfell all the possible assistance while using the time to rebuild our country, strengthen our armies and watch for a suitable moment to attack the Dominion when it's most vulnerable. With the thalmors out of Skyrim, the very cause for the stork rebellion would vanish. I mean, faced with the historical chance to eliminate the threat of the Aldmeri Dominion forever, the storks would surely give up the demand for Skyrim's independence at least for the time being.

The obvious problem with that plan is that neither Yrsarald nor the people of eastern Skyrim would help the murderer of Ulfric. Yet, Ulfric would never see reason.

How can I kill Ulfric without being suspected? I mean, if I kill him, I won't be able to avoid the people knowing that I was in Windhelm at the time Ulfric was killed.

This problem is way over my head. I feel I'm going crazy if I can't get to talk to Paarthurnax soon. I know, he said he's ignorant of human affairs. but he'll surely have something wise to say that'll lead my brain to some good ideas.

But enough now of letting my confused thoughts out of my mouth! I have to get going. The girls will have to wait here. That hurtful fog is too dangerous to them. (There are no washing facilites in High Hrothgar, so no Spriggan Soap effect.)

This time, I use my shout to dissipate the fog more or less successfully all the way to the top. A snowbear and an icewraith try to attack me, but I just keep running and leave them behind. However, there is no Paarthurnax on the mountain top. Just some weird column of sparkling icy energy, not entirely unlike a fountain of snow. Except that it's not snow.

I walk around cluelessly. All I can discover are the remains of a structure of unknown purpose I've somehow failed to notice until now:

The dead body of Alduin is still there looking as good as freshly killed. Usually the dead dragons are reduced to skeletons. I wonder if it's too cold here for a body to decompose or will Alduin be able to come back alive under certain conditions. Well, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm very sad that Paarthurnax isn't here. I feel so lost without him. I can't think of any knowledgeable human whom I could trust with my plans and doubts.

I also feel awfully dirty. I can't imagine how the Gaybores can live without bathing. Maybe they melt snow or something?

Whatever. I'll have to go back down,
slower this time as I don't want to slip and slide down. (I know you can slip and slide down ascending as well as descending, but descending feels a lot scarier, because you can actually see where you'd be falling if you went over the edge).

The icewraith flies around me making it's characteristical clacking sound, but doesn't attack. Maybe I stink so bad? That thought brings a smile onto my face.

I think maybe I can sneak into the Windhelm palace through the prison. My girls could distract the guards who may happen to be awake. I've no doubt they'd do it for me. The critical part is the big hall. I might have to kill the two guards. I'll have to do it quickly enough so that they can't call for help and cause the guards from the outside to rush inside. Guess I'd better take Jenassa along and leave it to Lydia and Jordis to cuddle up with the guards in the jail. The living quarters will be easy. There are only two guards whose movements are quite predictable, so I'd have a good chance of sneaking past them.

But how can I avoid being suspected? Everyone will understand that a common assassin won't be able to get through the guards of Ulfric's palace.

I get an idea. If I tell Yrsarald I killed the Black-Briars, he'll believe I'm on their side, and therefore I couldn't have murdered Ulfric. Because it wouldn't make sense for me to do so, and men don't believe things that don't make sense.

Especially when I tell Yrsarald that the Aldmeri Dominion has attacked Hammerfell, and promise him I'll make an agreement with Tullius using my influence as a thane of Haafingar, then I should be able to persuade him to refrain from hostilities and keep the fanatic Galmar in reins. After all, Galmar may have been number 2 under Ulfric, but he was merely Ulfric's political adviser while Yrsarald commands the troops.

And then I'll run like a wind to Solitud. I can move faster than any courier, so I'll be there before the news from Bitchen arrive and Tullius has the chance to do something hasty. I'll tell Tullius about the Aldmeri–Hammerfell war and promise 1) I'll destroy the Silver-Blood mafia that is loyal to Ulfric, after which both sides will have equally lost one crime organization, and 2) that the storks will give up their rebellion if Tullius agrees to jointly attack the Dominion.

By the way, I learned something very important yesterday! I never had an idea that Sorli was a supporter of Ulfric. Since Sorli is the protegée of Thane Bryling of Haafingar, there's a good chance Bryling is secretly sympathetic to the Stormcloak cause too. (And that must be one reason why she and Thane Erikur, clearly a staunch supporter of the Empire, hate each other.) I know Jarl Elisif is against the ban on Talos worship and she is a very good friend of mine. All this means I can get the Haafingar court to my side. Falk is unimportant, he'll always support whoever is stronger. And I can bring Thane Erikur around by sleeping with him if necessary. Then we'll have a united block Tullius won't be able to oppose. I'll arrange with him to have Solitud sealed so that no messengers can leave the city, and the Thalmor Embassy surrounded. Then I'll go and fulfill my promise in Morpork to show Tullius I'm reliable, and then we'll make a proper peace with Yrsarald.

Does this sound makeable to you? I'm desperate to talk about it to someone other than my followers. Runil, the priest of Arkay in Falkert? I have a very strong feeling that I can trust him. Or maybe Tolfdir? I feel Andurs of Hviterun wouldn't betray me either, but I don't know him well enough to really feel comfortable talking with him. Erandur? Now, he knows a lot, but he's in love with me and I feel reluctant to tear his wounds open. Urag could surely give me good advice if he wanted to, but I don't know what his goals are. Logically, he should be interested in maximum stability of the Winterhold area so he can go on taking care of his library, but he could be playing any number of other games I can't even guess about. So maybe I'll take a chance with Runil. The worst part of it is I'll have to act fast before the war in Hammerfell becomes common knowledge and I'll lose my information advantage.

Yes, I know. There's someone else who knows about the war. The one who left me the letter. Could it be someone from Morpork who overheard us talking about our plans and rushed ahead with the message? Or was it someone from Hammerfell? For all I know it could have been the psijics arranging their next little game to watch from a distance.

I have reached the back yard of High Hrothgar.

The girls look at me expectantly. I stand there for a couple of seconds not sure what to say. Then I make a gesture expressing cluelessness and motion towards the door.

We go through the castle and then down the mountain headed for Ivarsted. I realize that if I am to win Yrsarald over for my plan after Ulfric's death, I ought to make him emotionally soft first. This means, I should go to Windhelm right now, give Yrsarald the best sex he's ever had, and then make an emotional scene and leave, so that he'll be greatly confused and wondering what he did wrong and worried that I might break up with him. As you probably know, 99% of men are utterly unable to handle women's emotional outbursts. Then, when I return to him after I've killed Ulfric, he'll be insecure to the extreme after his anxious wait, and when he sees I'm still affectionate with him, he'll be so relieved he'll be ready to do anything I want.

This means that instead of going to Bitchen today, we'll go to Windhelm where I'll work on Yrsarald. Then we'll proceed to Falkert where I'll ask Runil's advice on all this. Then we'll go to Solitud where I'll iron out the deal with Tullius. Then we'll return to Bitchen and start vermin extermination. After rubbing out Maven's gang, we'll kill Ulfric. This way, we will have given the new jarls some time to settle down, everyone will be relaxed thinking the peace plan is progressing normally, and lots of troops will be on the move and/or getting settled in unfamiliar places and no one will be too keen to start the war again upon hearing of trouble, without asking for instructions first.


On the path overlooking Ivarsted, past the trolls but not yet in the earshot of the guards, I call a halt and explain the girls my plan. While doing so, I already notice one weak point: I'm not at all comfortable with seeing Yrsarald today. Even though my menstruation ought to be over by tonight, I know I'd feel a lot more confident if I could wait until tomorrow.

The girls suggest we can use today to check out all the shops of southeastern Skyrim and see if we can find the Staff of Magnus. Yes, that's a good idea. We'll show ourselves around and act like nothing is out of the ordinary.

When I explain the girls about the Solitud part, and how we have a good chance to secure all the thanes' support (I realize just now that Erikur might well agree that my plan is actually in the Empire's best interest as well), Jordis asks: what about Sybille?

Of course, Sybille! I had forgotten about her. Or not really forgotten, but taken her for granted. She is the one I ought to confide in and ask for advice rather than Runil . With the kind of information Sybille has given me in the past, she has totally proven I can trust her. Also, being a vampire, she's above normal human ambitions. Clearly she is a conscientious vampire who doesn't want to roam about hunting people down. Of course, there is a remote possibility that she is not really collaborating with humans but merely fighting against one vampire faction in the interests of another, but there's no evidence suggesting it's actually the case. Sybille hasn't shown any signs of actively pursuing any goals apart from destroying vampires whenever they turn up. In short, she appears to be wanting nothing more than a stable situation where she can make herself somewhat useful, is generally left in peace, and has a steady supply of criminals to feed on. That is, she will be very much interested in keeping at least Solitud the way it is now.

So, after our discussion (which is not as thorough as it ought to be, but we can't remain sitting here forever), I come up with the modified plan:
1. We go through the traders in Sunguard City, Bitchen, Shor, Vernim Wood, Darkwater and Narzulbur in the hope of finding the Staff of Magnus (Ivarsted, Kynesgrove and Windhelm have already been checked and Largashbur is in the state of emergency and won't trade);
2. We go to Windhelm where I make love to Yrsarald and confuse him with relationship issues;
3. We go to Solitud where I consult with Sybille and then strike a deal with the jarl, the thanes and General Tullius.
4. We go to Bitchen and kill the Black-Briars and Anuriel, restoring jarl Laila to power, probably assigning Mjoll to her support, and maybe Maul will help (there's little doubt he'll switch sides the moment Maven is dead) and maybe we'll have to strike a temporary deal with the Thieves' Guild;
5. We go to Windhelm and kill Ulfric (by then we'll have figured out how to do it) and I make a deal with Yrsarald and explain that the Silver-Bloods will have to be destroyed for the deal with Tullius to stand;
6. We go to Morpork and kill the Silver-Bloods, restoring Jarl Igmund to power;
7. We return to Solitud to plan our moves against the thalmors.

Right. Let's get going!

As we run towards Ivarsted, I realize that it's actually a good thing we haven't been able to eliminate those magical horrors that are supposed to be appearing in The Rift. That should keep the new "jarl" reasonably occupied and insecure so she won't at least dare start some massive-scale repressions.


We make a brief stop in Ivarsted and then proceed to Sunguard City, a friendly smalltown with several traders, except that it's not too friendly today. Guards are visibly mistrustful of everyone, apparently apprehensive of the forthcoming political changes in The Rift.

Maybe they have a reason to. Even while we are there, a robber tries to infiltrate the town but is caught by a guard.

I can see the guard is in serious trouble and I help him kill the criminal. He's an Argonian and his gear looks very professional.

I go through all the traders and none of them has the formerly mine Staff of Magnus .

At four in the afternoon, we run towards Bitchen. The roads are full on imps who have come from The Rift Imperial Camp and probably from the nearby Falkreath Hold to take over their new territory. The sky is partially cloudy, but the weather is fine and the nature is very beautiful.

However, my heart gets increasingly heavier the closer we get to Bitchen. What kind of a city will I find? How can I look the people in the eyes knowing I delivered them to Maven Black-Briar? The girls point out that Maven was the de facto ruler of the city even when Laila was officially the jarl, but I'm still feeling very bad about all this.

A friendly greeting from the Khajiit trader Ahkari whom we've almost run past cheers me up. After trading with her, I sit down behind her tent to have a little chat with the other members of her team.

I now realize what it is that's been bothering me – I would feel awful having to leave Bitchen without killing that snake Maven immediately. But I have to stick to the plan. I mustn't be hasty and ruin everything.

The girls and I are dumbfound at the sight that greets us when we approach the Bitchen marketplace. There's a battle going on between the imps and the storks.

What the hell does Ulfric think he's doing? He has promised to hand The Rift over. Is this how he complies with our peace treaty?

I don't want to participate in this on either side, so we just hurry to the palace before any of the combatants gets the idea that he hates us too.

The palace is bustling with activity. Maven is wasting no time moving in with her henchmen. Maul stands in a prominent place shining in his new glory. I'm letting Lydia deal with him while I step up to the court wizard Wylandriah to say hello. I can't see Maven's agent, the former steward Anuriel, but I learn from Wylandriah that Maven's son Hemming Black-Briar is the new steward. The Acid Lady herself deigns to take notice of me and inform me she grants me the privilege of buying a house from her steward. Hemming, though, tells me to get lost. Of course I'm not returning to Maven to complain. I don't need a second house anyway. However, from an overheard conversation I'm rather appalled to learn that Hemming has plans of introducing a real regime of terror, having drunkards cast into the lake among other things.

I told you I didn't expect Maven to become a really horrible tyrant as long as no one attacked her "business" interests, and it seems I was right about that. She's too clever to antagonize people without a reason. But I had completely forgotten about her son who, as it would seem, is considerably crazier and not at all as smart as she is, and there's no telling how willing his loving mother Maven will be to restrict him in his depraved amusements.

Jenassa, Jordis and I go out again, after we've stepped up to Maul and Lydia and I've given Maul my friendliest smile and told them to have fun. I'm sure Maul gets the hint – Lydia had better be returned to us after a reasonable time in one piece, or he'll have to answer to us.

All the guards outside the palace are Imperial soldiers, and so are the prison guards. Apparently Maven wants to make everything look like as legitimate and official as possible, so she is keeping most of her gang out of sight. Either that, or she seriously holds herself for so respectable by now that she doesn't even trust her old partners-in-crime.

The battle on the marketplace is over and the traders have already taken their places while the imps are still dragging away the dead storks – just so they won't get stumbled upon while their souls are on their way to Sovngarde. Madesi, Brand-Shei and the blacksmith Balimund are very happy to see me, as is Marise who has decided to close shop for today and go home.

I now tell Jenassa and Jordis to walk around alone. I go to the temple where I have a long talk with the priest Maramal, the same one whom I saw urging people to give up alcohol on my first visit here. During our conversation today, he happens to mention that he conducts marriage ceremonies and in fact many people come to Bitchen from all over Skyrim to get married here. It would appear that it's a Nord custom that when you wear an Amulet of Mara, it's a signal to the others that you are on the lookout for a marriage partner. I had no idea, and I've been wearing that amulet a lot.  :-)

Back on the street, I see Mjoll with her lapdog... sorry, I mean boyfriend. She is understandably not optimistic at all about the future of Bitchen, now that Maven has gotten official power in addition to the inofficial.

I can't tell her yet about my future plans, so I don't have much to say to her at this point. That's why I excuse myself soon and go to Haelga's Bunkhouse. Listening in to the workers and artisans' conversation at the dinner table should give me a much better idea about the moods in the city than anything else.

Well, the simple folk gathered at the tables downstairs don't see all that much difference whether Maven can send out some cutthroats to kill people she doesn't like, or can have them executed officially. What is truly interesting for me, though, is meeting an Argonian woman Wujeeta who is a skooma addict (on the right):

After some coaxing, she tells me her supplier's name is Sarthis Idren and he resides in the Riften Warehouse down at the harbor.

The gathering is getting a little rowdy by now. Grelka the acrimonious armor dealer is insulting Madesi, apparently because she dislikes Argonians. The maid Svana is trying to calm her down. I know I have to defend Madesi, but I'm afraid that if Grelka said anything arrogant to me, I would beat her to death right here, and I can't afford a scandal. Not today. That's why I pretend not to notice anything and leave hurriedly. I know Grelka wouldn't actually hurt Madesi whom pretty much everyone likes, and I'll deal with her mercilessly when I return to kill Maven.

Back on the street, I begin to think I'd better kill Maven immediately. The reason is that earlier in the palace I noticed there were two imps permanently posted at the entrance to the sleeping quarters. While Maven's house is very easy to infiltrate, I can see no way to sneak up to her at night in the palace. That's why I should kill the Black-Briar family now, then go to Windhelm and kill Ulfric, and then run to Solitud and negociate a deal with Tullius.

There is one more reason why this sounds like a good idea. I have realized that no matter how successful I may be in killing Ulfric without being found out, if Yrsarald should look me in the eye and ask me "Did you kill Ulfric?" I wouldn't be able to lie to him. We can't have a life together with this horrible secret forever between us.

I hope he'll come to terms with it when I show him the documents I stole from the Thalmor Embassy that prove Ulfric's collaboration with the thalmors. But even if Yrsarald and Galmar won't approve of my having killed Ulfric, they're bound to realize they can't make it public that the Dragonborn killed Ulfric who had given information to the thalmors and possibly received assistance from them. That would plunge the stork territory into complete chaos and all Tullius would have to do would be to come over and pick up the pieces.

I think Yrsarald could announce publicly that Ulfric was killed by a thalmor assassin, and let leak out a rumor that the Dragonborn who had already arranged the peace between the storks and the imps, is now about to hammer out an agreement with Tullius to move together against the thalmors. That should keep the stork troops from undertaking any actions of rage. And should Yrsarald decide to break up with me because I killed Ulfric, then so be it. If Ulfric is more important to him than me, we would hardly have a chance to be permanently happy anyway.

Bitchen inn, barmaid Keerava in the foreground talking to Indaryn who sits at the bar counter
Indaryn is an overseer at the Black-Briar meadery. People say he has the kind of attitude that has angered both the workers and Maven.

My walk from the palace in fresh air has done me good. I fetch Jenassa and Jordis from the inn and we go to our house to hold counsel. They are extremely skeptical about my plan to move against the Black-Briar mafia tonight. As we argue back and forth, they come practically at the same time up with the idea of making General Tullius give us a written order for Maven and her family members' arrest.

That's brilliant! Of course, when we get Tullius to agree to a deal, part of which is the extermination of the Black-Briar mafia, he has no reason to object to giving us an official document that'll get the Bitchen palace guards to let us enter the sleeping quarters at night, and not to interfere when we kill Maven and her son resisting (or at least thinking of resisting) arrest.

Now, I can imagine your asking: what about Maven's infamous connections in the Imperial capital? And how can we be sure the Empire will agree to our plan to go to war against the Aldmeri Dominion in the first place? After all, there are persistent rumors about fierce struggle for power between the different factions in Imperial City. Tied as the Dominion's hands may currently be in Hammerfell, what if there's too much chaos in the Empire's leadership for making reasonable decisions and acting efficiently? Let's also not forget that the ignominious defeat in the Great War seems also to have been caused largely by the factional bickering within the Empire!

I have an answer to that. If the Empire is strong and efficient and values Maven highly, it would indeed be in a position to deal a terrible blow to Skyrim. However, they would be bound to realize that crushing the deadly threat of the Aldmeri Dominion is far more important than taking revenge on a rebellious but still generally allied (as well as so far undefeated) province.
If, on the other hand, there's really so bad disorientation in the Empire's leadership that they can't come to a decision to go to war against the Dominion or don't have the courage or can't mobilize the necessary resources, then they would hardly have the determination and strength to defeat Skyrim either, and it would in fact be a suitable moment for Skyrim to leave the sinking ship and go to war against the Dominion allied with Hammerfell.

The point is, either way we'll banish the thalmors from Skyrim. After I've made a deal with Tullius, destroyed the Black-Briar mafia, killed Ulfric and destroyed the Silver-Blood mafia and returned to Tullius, we will storm the Thalmor Embassy and escort all it's personnel to the border. (Naturally we can't kill them, because there are Empire's diplomats in the Aldmeri Dominion.) Then we'll go with the army to that elusive thalmor stronghold of Fort Masser. It's just a fortress with no diplomatic protection whatsoever. We'll break the doors down, or failing that, demolish the whole structure. With the thalmors out of Skyrim and the ban on Talos worship lifted, there will, as I've already pointed out, be no more cause for a civil war in Skyrim. With Ulfric dead, we can even make up with the elven population and the new united Skyrim will be able to thwart possible conquest attempts by the Empire.

Do you get it?
If the Empire is too weak to go against the Dominion, it'll also be too weak to go against the new stronger Skyrim. If the Empire is strong enough to crush Skyrim, it'll surely choose to go with us against the Aldmeri Dominion instead.
And, as Jenassa and Jordis correctly point out, if the Empire hasn't been able to crush Ulfric's rebellion in all these years, it can hardly be expected to mobilize all its resources to take bloody revenge because of a Maven Black-Briar.

Of course there's some risk involved. At the end of the day, the strength, bravery and wisdom of Skyrim's men will decide the faith of the country. I can't thwart the gods, should they decide Skyrim shall go under. All I can do is do my part, and the people of Skyrim will have to do theirs.

This is decided then. It's now half past midnight and my brain is steaming from all that plotting. Hope I have enough strength left to climb up the stairs to my bed.



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