Always Lost, Always Hopeful (135) There's a Feeling in the Air

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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day






4-201-12-31 02:39
Four Shields Tavern, Dragonbridge, Haafingar, Skyrim


Our journey to Dragonbridge has obviously taken much more time than I had planned. So we'd better waste no time returning to Hviterun, dark as it still may be outside.

Naturally I won't bother with that thief Montaigu this time, or possibly ever. He can wait there crouching between the bathtubs in the basement or go to hell, just as he pleases. Come to think of it, it's ironic that he chose a hiding place just about as close to the execution ground as you can get.

It's still raining as we run eastwards along the highway. Shortly before Fort Snowhawk, we meet a thalmor patrol, but they pay no attention to us. Maybe they weren't able to recognize me in the darkness.

When we have crossed the bridge in the picture above, I call a stop to study the map under the canopy of The Naked Dragon Morthal (because of the rain). I realize (as I should have much earlier) that there is no road from here to Hviterun! I don't exactly fancy going through the Labyrinthian ruins and the mountain pass beyond it, fighting heaven knows how many trolls along the way (green arrow on the map below). The alternative is to go directly to the south and try to find a way between the mountains and the river – in complete darkness (red arrow).

<E> – Elisdriel, <S> – Fort Snowhawk, <L> – Labyrinthian, <C> – Pale Imperial Camp
pink marker – our current location; large light blue dot – our destination (Hviterun)

We come to the conclusion it won't make much difference if we just proceed along the highway and bypass the mountains from the east (blue arrow). For that matter, it may even be early enough for us to travel via Dånstar after all.

We run to Morthal first, but its's only to cast a quick peek into the inn, and then proceed to Stonehills. Shortly after we've left Stonehills, it starts getting light.

I decide we'll go via Dånstar.

As we trot northwards along the highway, I reflect upon my intention to leave Erik behind in Hviterun and take Jordis in his stead. I have no doubt that it's the right thing to do. Erik is undisciplined. Male followers are generally undisciplined, but Erik is a little boyish about it. Borgakh rushes into close combat because she wants to prove herself. It's an Orc thing. Erik rushes into close combat because he thinks it's fun. He doesn't realize the consequences of his actions. And I hate to have to rely on a follower like this.

As always when we're in this region, we pay a visit to the Pale Imperial Camp. After that, I notice a shipwreck nearby and we go to check it out.

It's called Brinhammer and it lies strongly tilted, so walking in the interior is quite taxing. We don't even find anything valuable, only mudcrabs here and there.

Under the beautiful blue sky, we run to Dånstar. Lydia is delighted that her boyfriend Bjarne (who, as you hopefully remember, is a town guard) is allowed to take a couple of days off like she had hoped. It's almost noon when we leave and a heavy snowfall has started, but it's very unlikely that anything could prevent us from arriving in Hviterun in a few hours.

With a brief stop in Laintar Dale, we do in fact reach Hviterun's eastern suburb by half past 1.

This is the northern watchtower. You can see the palace of Dragonsreach in the background.
The eastern suburb is (of course) left of it, not quite visible in this picture.

The weather is sunny. I go to the marketplace to find Lucia and l let her accompany me to a hairdresser mage. I get a new hairstyle, after which we sit on a hill behind the inn and the barracks and chat. Among other things, Lucia tells me she has become really good friends with Mikki – that is, as good as can be expected with such an age difference. In a nutshell, Lucia worships Mikki and Mikki graciously allows her to hang around, and tells her about women things when she's in the mood. I learn Mikki has found herself a boyfriend and so have Vera and Heidi. It would appear that the three sisters have been talking a lot with my friend Carlotta and they're far less bloodthirsty now, even though they can still often be seen training behind Jorrvaskr with their old buddies.

Jorrvaskr is to my right. I could see it from here if I were to turn that way.

I take Lucia with me to the palace where I ceremoniously introduce Borgakh and Erik to the jarl and the steward, after which I re-hire Jenassa and Jordis as my active followers. Borgakh is visibly excited to work with the city guards fighting bandits in the western and northern watchtowers. Today, hovewer, the patrols are reduced in order to allow all the guards to have some time for amusing themselves. There's even a tradition that the less dangerous inmates are released from the city prison for the new year's celebrations. They're confined to the inside of the city walls, though.

You can feel the festive mood everywhere. Even Irileth is treating me like a friend.

After a little reflection, I decide I'll spend the night with Valdimar. I therefore ask Jordis if she would do me a favor and grab Erik's attention for tonight. She agrees eagerly. Lydia has already told her about his amazing achievement in Elisdriel.

The night is hours away, though. Right now, I want to be alone for a while – just sit and process everything I've done and thought and felt during the last couple of days. It's something I need occasionally. Under the pretext of having things to discuss with the jarl's steward, I let my followers leave and take Lucia with them. I find a quiet corner to spend some time on my own.

With my mental energy restored, I leave with Ysolda who happens to be visiting the palace.

Back on the marketplace, I arrange with Carlotta to have Lucia sleep at her place tonight, like she often does anyway. I can't have sex when there's a child in the house.

The city looks very beautiful and although the traders are still working, they're very light-hearted about it. I notice an unknown man who looks kind of out of his element. I ask Ysolda who he is. She says he's one of those prisoners let out for one day. I realize I've never seen the Hviterun prison before, so I go check it out.

It's not all that sinister, although the guards do look like a rough lot. There are half a dozen inmates of both sexes who have been considered too risky to be let out for the new year's celebration. In one cell is a man in alikr garb. That must be the guy Aela mentioned and who might well be one of the cutthroats who are hunting Saadia. I eye him for a while and then leave the prison again, remembering my decision that I'm neutral and completely disattached in that affair.

On my way back to the marketplace, I decide to take a brief look at Jorrvaskr. Walking up the staircase, I see another prisoner on leave who may be coming from that direction. I mean, the gate to the eastern suburb is also that way, but he's not supposed to be allowed to have been there, is he?

I really ought to go and ask the priest Heimskr (outside this picture) to grant himself a well-deserved holiday like the rest of us.

The main hall of Jorrvaskr is empty but for two people – Brill, a man with dark rings around his eyes, and Ria, one of the giant-slaying group I met when I first came to Hviterun. There's no one in the upstairs bedroom. It would seem that most Companions have already joined the celebrations on the marketplace. Please excuse me for telling you in such detail whom I saw and where. You will learn in a minute why it's important.

Brill and I talk a few words about dragons and then I exchange a cheerful "hi, how's it going?" with Ria who is sitting and having a snack. I ask if her friend Aela is there – you remember, I liked her because she seemed more intelligent and, um, normal than the rest of this organization. Ria says Aela is downstairs and in fact she (Ria) is waiting for her, so they can go to the new year's celebrations together.

I go down the stairs and meet Athis, that violent and arrogant elf. He is on his way to the ground floor.

I raise my eyebrows for a moment, then shrug and walk on. Maybe he just didn't recognize me in this light with my new hairdo.

The long wide hallway is empty. Seems like the old cleaning lady has gone to celebrate as well. I walk into the nearest bedroom and see a woman lying on the floor. Upon closer inspection, I realize she's not drunk. She's dead. It's Njada, the arch-enemy of Athis who has been trying to beat the living daylights out of her at every opportunity (as well as she out of him). Looks like he succeeded this time. Or did he? I can see no blood or wounds or injuries on Njada, and her face looks no more and no less banged up than usually, so I can't tell why or even when she died, and I'm not going to undress her and examine her body to find out. I can't resist touching her skin, though. It's still warm, which is why, in my completely unprofessional opinion, she has died recently. And Athis was coming... not from this room. He was coming from down the hallway. Which doesn't mean he couldn't have killed her and then gone to another room and then walked back along the hallway to go upstairs, and then run into me. Then again, she could have been killed by whomever else who left the building by the back exit before I arrived, or is even now in one of the rooms I haven't yet visited. Not to forget the two persons whom I talked to upstairs. As to that prisoner on holiday, I somehow doubt the Companions would have failed to chase him out upon sight. But you never know how good a convicted criminal may be at remaining unnoticed.

I return to the hallway and examine the other bedrooms. In one of them lies none other than Aela, also dead.

I'm too confused and scared to find out how warm her body is. I quickly walk into the bedroom opposite where I find Skjor... you guessed it, dead. He's that half-bald man whom, if I remember correctly, the boss of the Companions had saved from some major trouble in the past. But that doesn't matter now. What matters is that there are three dead people in Jorrvaskr Living Quarters.

I quickly examine the rest of the rooms. At the farthest end from the stairway, there are two men sitting at a table, philosophizing, if you could call it that, and seemingly oblivious of everything that is more than three meters away.

Pray, what burden would that be?

When I step closer and say hello, Vilkas asks me if I think I can just walk in here and join the Companions. No respect for the city administration, he has. At least not in his current drunken state. The other man is the big boss Kodlak himself. He is politely reserved. A serious, wise man with a gray beard. At least wise enough to observe the situation before rushing to insult people.

I've no reason to hang about here anymore, so I walk out.

I reflect that Athis is clearly the most likely suspect. But it's just as clear that his guilt is by no means certain.

He might have killed Njada in a fit of rage or as revenge for a past battering, and maybe Aela saw it and he had to kill her too. And maybe Skjor saw that, so he had to kill him too. But this is all speculation and, if I may say so, kind of far-fetched.

It couldn't have been Ria – not with the kind of carefree attitude she talked to me with. Neither do I believe for one moment Kodlak and Vilkas would have arranged such a massacre among their own people. But it could have been Brill, as well as any number of people I didn't see near the crime scene.

If Athis is the murderer, his words to me could have been a warning: if you're smart enough to know what's good for you, you will keep quiet about what you may see in a few minutes. Or he simply acted with his usual bravado to hide the fact that he had just committed an unspeakably horrid crime... or found the traces of one just like I subsequently did.

As eager as I may be to exterminate the monster behind this triple murder, I obviously can't execute Athis on a mere hunch. Now, Lydia and Jenassa know those people better than I do, and the Ingmansdotter sisters know them even better, but none of them has seen the crime scene, and I'm not going to drag them away from the festivities (or possibly from under a lover). And last but not least: the last thing I want on a New Year's Eve is to waste my time and energy on detective work. (Correction: second to last. A dragon would be even more irritating.)

With such realizations, there's nothing left for me to do but to proceed to the marketplace. A large, very merry, very loud crowd has gathered there.

Masters and servants are mingling freely, although I'm not seeing the jarl, and, as far as I can tell, Avulstein Gray-Mane seems to have wisely preferred to remain in hiding, too. Heimskr, however, has decided to call it a day without my having to remind him. Idolaf Battle-Born, the elder brother of Jon, is assisting the bard Mikael and if you stand close enough, you can even hear their joyful singing over all the noise. I don't want to be too close to Mikael, though, so I walk to the tables with refreshments. Somehow I find the local Honningbrew Mead particularly tasty tonight.

Lucia is with Mila and Carlotta, and I make sure she remembers she's going to sleep in their house tonight. Lydia and Bjarne are also there. I motion Valdimar to join us. I'm happy Jordis has fulfilled her promise to drag Erik away. I saw them and Borgakh earlier near the western barracks (that's just inside the main city gate) and from what I understood, they were being taken to a sightseeing tour of sorts.

Our group sits behind Carlotta's stall somewhat away from the others, exchanging stories and commenting on the people around us. Mikki and Vera stop to say hello and introduce their sweethearts before they hurry away promising to find Heidi and giggling hysterically.

When the announced hour for the fireworks approaches, I suggest we move up the slope. As we sit there next to the stairs that lead to the temple square, I watch the sky and pay increasingly less attention to the conversation. I'm no less excited than the children. It's long past ten now and I ask Valdimar impatiently when the fireworks start. I mean, maybe I misunderstood the announcement. He says they probably will soon. Observing the clear sky above the inn, Valdimar and I feel each other up a bit, as do many people below us, but all my thoughts are on the fireworks. I can remember of having seen them back home in High Rock, but my memories are rather vague.

So your original home is in High Rock, asks Valdimar when I say that. Um, yes, now that I stop to think about it, I'm somehow pretty sure I've spent at least my childhood in High Rock.

And then suddenly colored things begin to fly up into the sky behind the Bannered Mare, something like those fireballs outside Borvald, only these ones burst into glowing disks and clusters of stars next to the big moon Masser and actual stars.

They seem to be flying up from somewhere behind the city wall.

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It's a most wonderful spectacle that lasts about two hours.

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I am awakened from my ecstatic trance by people hugging me and wishing me a happy new year. Heidi is also there with her arm around a handsome youngster's waist. All those people are all over me and then they rush down the stairs to hug and congratulate other people while I want nothing else but to sit here leaning back against Valdimar's big firm body and look into the sky filled with all those wonderful colors.

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About a quarter to one, the last red mini-sun and the last green one fade away, handing the sky back to their rightful occupants: the stars, Masser and the few clouds.

Lydia hugs me good night, stands up and walks away with Bjarne towards the palace. I suppose they were given a room there. I didn't notice when the rest of our party left. Down below, the crowd is getting smaller, but most who are leaving seem to be headed for either one of the two inns.

Somehow I don't have too much trust in my legs right now. I don't mind, though, because I've had one of the most awesome evenings of my life. And before I forget – Honningbrew Mead is really tasty, I assure you. You have to try it, should you ever get a chance. I mean, before Maven Black-Briar succeeds in driving the meadery into bankruptcy. I mean, what I really was going to say is I seriously don't want to stand up. Yet, I feel like going home. Drawing a logical conclusion from those two facts, I ask Valdimar to carry me to my house.

He's happy to oblige, helpful and understanding as he is. Once in the house, I don't even need to ask him to continue carrying me up the stairs to the bedroom and to help me undress. It's good to have a man by your side who understands you, you know. I mean, when you're getting too tired to pronounce words properly. Anyway, don't pay attention to my mental gabbing, I probably won't be saying anything very smart.

While Valdimar is thinking which way to turn me, I have an inspiration. This may be a suitable opportunity to have another trial of... that horrible thing. I suggest it to Valdimar and he's far from raising any objections. I beg him to go as slowly and gently as he can, and finish as quickly as possible. I close my eyes and wait. And I hope he won't say anything. At least not any long and complicated phrases. Such as "logical contradiction".

My wait is brief. I'm suddenly very alert. But I must say it's not so bad at all this time. It hurts, kind of, but I kind of don't care. It rather makes me feel like laughing. What I'm doing seems so incredibly absurd and obscene that it's hilarious. Have I found a solution for my next date with Yrsarald – just get drunk? Do they sell Honningbrew Mead in Windhelm? Never mind, I'll think of something. I always think of something, don't I?

When I feel the invader pulling out of me again, I plummet onto the bed. Come here, Valdimar. Nice to see you. Has been a while.

I cuddle up with him and nibble at his shoulder a little, before everything fades into delightful blackness.



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