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SPOILER INFO
This fanfic novel is largely based on the events that occurred in an actual game of Skyrim I played. Therefore, it's inevitably a spoiler.
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previous day
4-201-12-12 06:47
Arch-Mage's Quarters, Winterhold, Winterhold, Skyrim
I open my eyes.
I'm in the Arch-Mage's Quarters. Thank heavens! I can clearly recall the nightmare I just had.
* * *
We went to Windhelm and took the ship to Hammerfell – the very same on which I met that embittered woman Shana, the one with lips painted greenish blue, remember? I let one of the sailors fondle me so we wouldn't have to pay for the trip. He would have liked to do a lot more, but I kept him off with the excuse that there was no private place on the ship. My girls pretended not to notice what was going on. When they thought I had suffered long enough, they finally came and rescued me by sitting down near us and gabbing away until the guy couldn't take it any longer and escaped. It was hilarious.
When the ship arrived, Shana appeared as if out of nowhere. Still obsessed with finding and destroying her husband, she urged me to get going. I tried to ask her about this region, but she was all like "never mind, now let's not waste time finding that bastard". She was making me sick, with hatred oozing from all her pores. I told her to either get out of my sight or be thrown overboard. She chose to get out of my sight, muttering something inaudible.
Now I was able to take a look around undisturbed. I eyed the shore with hills and a few palm trees like the ones in Summerset but slightly different. Strangely enough, there were several half-sunken shipwrecks in various directions. Most importantly, we were several hundred meters from the shore. How were we supposed to get on land? And why was the ship standing here in the middle of water in the first place?
No one would favor me with an explanation, so we just stripped, to the supreme delight of the sailors, jumped in and swam to the shore. On the sandy beach among sparse exotic plants and trees, we got dressed hurriedly. There was just about enough light for us to see people at some distance. I sensed they were hostile. Wait, I thought, I know nothing about this country, I don't know what there is to do, I don't know where to go, and I should just start shooting people? That is so wrong! Let's wait a little.
Some of the people began to walk our way. Then they attacked us, leaving us no choice but to attack back. Defend ourselves, I mean. They kept coming and we killed them easily. One arrow each. We also uncautiously shot a camel. Turned out Lydia had never seen a real camel and Borgakh didn't even know the word.
Without a map, we walked between hills of sand, killing more bandits and a few dog-sized animals alled hyenas. It was already dark when we saw the first human being here who didn't attack us. And that was a drug dealer. I mean, he was openly, officially a drug dealer. Baduk was his name. I had to kill him, didn't I? Selling narcotic substances that make people addicted like those pitiful beings in Redwater Den is a terrible thing to do.
Jenassa said she had the feeling there was a settlement nearby. I trusted her instincts a lot more than my own which weren't telling me anything at all. Apart from which, Borgakh said she was hearing faint voices. We went in that direction and indeed saw houses eventually. There was a hostile human on one of the rooftops and a friendly human on the ground. We killed the one on the roof. Then we went closer. It was a village called Tava's Blessing. The person we had seen on the ground was a woman with beautiful brown skin and lips painted greenish blue just like Shana's. She answered politely, but then she suddenly hurried away.
We knocked on the door of the first house and went in. There was a woman named Sera who told us this was the house of her boyfriend Rabah. Then I saw blind hatred appear on her face. She had laid her eyes on Lydia who, as you know, is a Nord.
Sera didn't say anything, but I realized we were no longer welcome. So we left.
The next scenes of the dream are a little blurry, but I can remember we learned that the locals hated Nords because the Nords supposedly looked down on them and held them for uncivilized. Now, I've seen my fair share of hatred. Like, the Nords hate the thalmors because they kidnap and torture people. This here was very different. The locals didn't look like they'd even seen many Nords. Yet they hated Lydia, and the rest of us while they were at it.
It may not sound very severe the way I'm writing about it here from memory, but in that dream, I was devastated. I somehow found myself sitting all alone in the so-called harbor, looking at the shipwrecks. I was too depressed to even cry. Why had I come to this land of hatred and malice? Nothing made sense to me anymore, nothing had a purpose. The negativity and bitterness of the people here were crushing me down and I had no energy left to go on with my life.
Suddenly I looked up and I saw Borgakh squatting in front of me. She said: "They live in miserable conditions, what with all that drug trade and fighting among each other, and it makes them look for someone on whom to put the blame."
Right. Thank you, Borgakh! I will not forget this.
I stood up. Lydia and Jenassa were also there and we went back to the ship. I don't know how we got there without swimming. I killed that spiteful brat Shana. Then we began to travel back to Windhelm. Of course my new bosom-pal was on the ship too. And I do mean "bosom". During the whole trip, he kept chasing me around the ship. We arrived quickly this time, though. Don't ask me how come. Shana was standing on the jetty, alive. When she came aboard, I killed her again and ran away, through the passage past the prison. Before we reached the statue of Talos, I woke up.
* * *
"Laura, what is it?"
I turn my head. Lydia has woken up.
I stroke her cheek. "Don't worry, dear. I just had a bad dream." I turn my head back and look at the ceiling, happy it was only a dream. Nevertheless, I'm utterly shaken and I'm not at all sure this was only a dream with no connection to reality.
Lydia's voice brings me fully back into the present moment.
"I wish you would do it, Laura."
"Do what?" I ask, although I know what she means.
"My first spanking. Then I would have an idea what it does to me and I wouldn't be so scared of trying it with a man."
"Lydia, I think men do it very differently."
"Right. They have more mercy with women than women do."
I look at her. "Now that you say it, yes I think you're right. Women have fewer scruples about being cruel to another woman."
My thoughts wander back to the nightmare. Now that I come to think of it, Jenassa has mentioned in the past that there are regions in Hammerfell where the people are mistrusting of strangers to the extreme. I wonder what exactly was Jenassa doing in Hammerfell. Lydia and I know she spent some time there after her home in Morrowind was destroyed, but she's been very stingy with details. Was she a slave? Did she join a gang of robbers? Was she rescued by some shady figure? How old was she at that time anyway? Elves have a much longer lifespan than humans, so I have no idea how mature they are at this or that age. Further, I've been wondering if Jenassa's obvious dislike of underground spaces has something to do with what she experienced in those times which must have been very traumatic to her. I hope I can find out someday. But right now I need to finally get out of bed.
Nothing of that is food. And I'm famished.
While Lydia and I are getting dressed, I continue on the same topic: "I can't do it unless I'm angry."
Lydia nods lightly at my unsurprising statement. I go on: "And if you misbehave in order to provoke a punishment, I'll send you away."
"You can't send me away, Laura."
"Why not?"
"You can only send me away if I'm irresponsible in combat, and I wouldn't do that." Lydia observes my face carefully to be sure I understand. "But if I act badly outside of combat, you have no reason to send me away. When I, for example, insult you, I'm not endangering us, so you have no valid cause for dismissing me. You can just as well punish me to correct my bad behavior."
"No, Lydia. Your argumentation has one fatal flaw."
"And what might that be?"
"I know you long enough. You and your character and your usual behavior."
"So?"
"So, if you insulted me so badly I'd feel like punishing you, I'd know that you don't really mean it, because it's not like you. I'd knew you did it on purpose to anger me, and I can't stand people who anger me on purpose."
"Wow, Laura. That's deep."
"Not really, Lydia. And most importantly, I don't like spanking. It's not my thing. I don't want to spank my dear friend and I don't want to get spanked."
"What if Yrsarald decided to punish you?"
"If he explained to me clearly what I had done wrong..." I reflect on it for a moment. "Come to think of it, if I had really screwed something up for him, a punishment would be a good thing. It would help me come to terms with my conscience."
"But what about that time with Lorm you told me about? In his house?"
I nod. "He could have done anything to me and I would have enjoyed it."
Lydia rises an eyebrow and looks at me meaningfully.
"Yeah, I can't explain it, Lydia. I guess I can be all right with getting spanked under certain circumstances, but I can't tell you exactly when and how it can happen. I don't know, okay?"
"Of course, Laura. I understand it completely. Do you miss him?"
"No." I shake my head. "I'm grateful for the awesome experiences he gave me, but he was not the right man for me."
"And Yrsarald is?"
"So far I've been feeling he is."
"He hasn't told you much about himself, has he?"
"No." I'm silent for a moment, then continue: "But I'll make him open up all right."
We're about to go and see if Jenassa and Borgakh have woken when I say: "You know, Lydia, there's one thing that puzzles me."
"Just one?"
I smile slightly. "You have so much sexual experience. I mean, so much more than I have," I correct myself hastily. "How come you've never gotten a spanking yet?"
Lydia shrugs. "The guards I grew up among were all overprotective of me. They wouldn't harm a hair of my head. And the men I've been with later... they kind of haven't had the courage. Guess I have a reputation. Warrior and all. They've got it all wrong. I wouldn't pull a dagger on a man in the bedroom or something."
"I think Njada would." I'm referring to a member of the Companions in Hviterun, a very violent and aggressive woman.
"I'm not so sure," says Lydia. "I think she's just acting a part because she's among those brutes day in, day out. How should I put it... She has adapted her language to her environment."
"Could be. You know her better than I do. I've only seen her once or twice."
When Lydia and I go to wake up our teammates, we find to our surprise that they're already gone. Jenassa has left us a note that has only two letters on it: "BF".
"What's that?" asks Lydia, baffled. "Boyfriend?"
"Breakfast, silly!"
Lydia shakes her head. "Jenassa has this strange way of making things mysterious. Why can't she just write "Went to eat," or something?"
"If she had, you would have asked "Why didn't she just eat her here?""
Lydia bursts out in hysterical laughter and a second later I join in.
Eventually we gather up our strength and go down the stairs and out of the building. I still prefer to dine in the students' dormitory rather than the teachers'. I don't want people to take that Arch-Mage crap too seriously.
We have a bath first, of course. The Arch-Mage of the Winterhold College has luxurious living quarters but no private bath. Maybe it's because it's difficult to get water to flow so high. Wait, they're mages here, so getting water to flow into high places should be child's play. Well, never mind. I wonder if Jenassa and Borgakh didn't take a bath at all this morning. Or maybe they did and then came back to our quarters and found Lydia and myself still asleep. Maybe that's the reason for the note, so we wouldn't start wondering in the bath why they're not there.
Whatever. That's hardly a reason to start playing detective. But I can't help it. This morning, my brain is bursting with thoughts that chase each other around like a pack of hungry wolves who have smelled a rabbit in complete darkness.
Jenassa and Borgakh are in the dining hall all right. So is Onmund who comes and sits with us. I'm still not interested. Besides, he seems undecided which one of us he fancies. We basically ignore him.
After we've all eaten, we leave the College grounds. I tell the girls I've changed my mind about today's plans. A little bit. We'll go and check out the Alessian Ruins east of Hviterun which we've seen only at night. I want to see if there's something there. We'll travel to Windhelm only in the evening.
There's something between a snowfall and a snowstorm when we start out southwards.
In spite of the rather ghastly weather, that man whose name is Asgan is diligently chopping firewood.
In Amol City, though, we run into our friend, the court wizard Oyla at the marketplace. We make small talk and she enquires where we're going and I tell her, and she says treasure hunters have told her Alessian Ruins is a bad place with extremely deep underground spaces, weird and grim and utterly untravelable without the ability to fly, and why in heaven's name do we even want to go there?
Well, I've been there briefly – only on the surface, admittedly, but there was nothing dangerous-looking. However, I'm still a little shaken from the nightmare I told you about earlier this morning. So I change my mind back. As we travel on after talking to Oyla, we turn off the road and go to Windhelm the shorter way. The weather has gotten slightly better, too, so we're not quite sinking in the snow.
Actually, I had plans of taking that ship to Tava's Blessing today, but after my recent nightmare, that adventure is decidedly off. I don't want to hear the name "Tava's Blessing" ever again. We'll just travel south to Bitchen and find that Esbern dude for Rudelphine.
We arrive in Windhelm before 11 o'clock, so I have plenty of time for shopping and Yrsarald.
[series of 2 pictures you can click through; click on the first picture to make it big, then press the right arrow to see the next picture etc.; press Esc to return to the text]
It's past 6 in the evening by the time we're ready to leave the city. Oh, I nearly forgot to tell you. I met Malborn earlier today in the Gray Quarter. You know, that nervous wreck from the Thalmor Embassy. He told me he feared there was an assassin sent by the thalmors to kill him. He said a suspicious Khajiit had been seen lurking around the farmhouses outside the main gate. Apparently he wasn't allowed to enter the city proper because he was a Khajiit, so he kept looking out for Malborn to leave Windhelm.
It made little sense to me. Why would the thalmors choose a Khajiit as an assassin? As if they didn't know he would be unwelcome in Nord cities, as well as attract attention.
I didn't ask Malborn that question, though – firstly, because he's the kind of man who can easily see assassins in every closet and cupboard; secondly, because I want to talk to Malborn as little as possible.
Be it as it may, me and my followers are going to leave the city through the main gate anyway, so we can just as well take a look around and see if we can notice a Khajiit assassin somewhere.
There's another thing I forgot to mention earlier. (I'm really sorry, my head is all over the place today.) A rather unusual vendor has appeared in the city. You know the eastern city gate, the one that leads to the harbor? I pass by there frequently. Just inside the gate, an orphan child named Sofie was selling flowers today.
I took such pity on her I bought all her wares. Wasn't much, but at least she'll be able to buy food for some time to come. (Dammit, I should have told her she can sleep in my house! I'll do it the next time.)
Back to the present moment. We're out the main city gate and past the stables, headed south towards Kynesgrove, Vernim Wood and Shor. Looking eastwards where the farms are, I can indeed see a group of Khajiits on the roadside. One of them stands somewhat aside from the others. I walk up to him casually and he tells me to move on as he has nothing to sell. He's quite friendly and I open my mouth to reply, but my words are drowned out by a deafening roar. I turn around and jump at the sight of a dragon who has landed so close I could pat his muzzle with my hand. (Well, almost.) Dammit, dragon, what do you think you're doing? You nearly shattered my eardrums!
This frost dragon is too lazy to fly and therefore quickly killed. After I've absorbed the dragonsoul, I notice that a group of people has gathered, including guards, elven workers from the nearby stables, and more Khajiits.
Is there a Khajiit convention coming up or something? No, it's just two trading caravans accidentally in the same place at the same time. I ask Ma'dran if he'd be kind enough to wait, and trade with Ahkari first. When I trade with Ma'dran, I remember about the assassin. I ask the trader if he knows who that unknown Khajiit is whom I had spoken to first. Ma'dran tells me he's not one of them.
I approach the suspicious Khajiit again. He's quite handsome, actually, but in this crowd and just outside the city gates of Windhelm I wouldn't of course dare even think of anything like that. Anyway, when I ask if he knows a certain Malborn, he attacks me. Frankly I wasn't sure if I should kill him, but now I have to defend myself, don't I? How I love it when a hard decision is taken off my hands!
I find a written order on the man's corpse that says he was indeed to kill Malborn. So again the question comes up: why did they choose a Khajiit as an assassin? Well, your guess is as good as mine.
Now, I've wasted enough time socializing and dragonslaying. We'd better be on our way. It's gotten dark by now. Fortunately, there are northern lights, as well as roadside lanterns.
Near that giant camp south of Kynesgrove, one of the mammoths has wandered as far as onto the road.
We're just passing through, sorry to bother you!
When we reach Vernim Wood, I still feel no tiredness whatsoever. Or maybe I'm afraid to go to sleep. I have this old tune ringing in my head that goes something like:
Scared to fall asleep again
In case the dream begins again...
Anyway, let's move on to Shor, girls! It's not far.
Just out of the northern gate of Vernim Wood, a Khajiit attacks me. What's going on today?
In Shor, we sit awhile with a group of men around a campfire who are grilling meat – and drinking, of course.
It's in front of Sylgja's house. This seems to be some kind of a socializing spot. Sylgja herself is not here, though. Apparently she has already gone to sleep. It's getting on midnight when we do the same – in the inn that's a few houses beyond the left edge of the above picture
By now, Lydia and I have kind of gotten into the habit of sharing a bed. We're both heavily into men, but we love a little tenderness before sleep, especially Lydia who can rarely meet her boyfriend in Dånstar and isn't as comfortable as I am with, um, casual encounters. However, we don't sleep together in inns because it would be embarrassing if we were accidentally seen by someone. Or heard.
That's why tonight we just kiss and hug a little in the darkness and then I go to my own bed.
next awakening
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